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Old 25th March 2013, 01:29 PM   #1
picado
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Unhappy Wife on sons side all the time

Hi....I have trouble with my son who is confrontational, disrespective, thieves and does things to annoy me all the time to get attension, yesterday he parked in my space in the drive and I told him to move it and he flatly said no, I have a list a mile long with the things he does and says to annoy me, I cant think of a nice thing to say about him, my wife seems to be with him in every way. Whatever I say I'm wrong and he's right and now I have almost given up talking to her, there's now a barrier between us, she does'nt seem to bother with me and I dont bother with her. Its been like this now for 3-4 years cos I'm really down and fed up and I've started to look for a house but its the breaking away thats killing me...hope somone can help
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Old 25th March 2013, 02:05 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

You say that he does things to get attention? Why does he need to get attention?. Could it be that he isnt getting positive attention so he is seeking any attention at all? Do you do things with him just the two of you? Do you spend quality time with him?
You are right in that parents have to be on the same page with dealing with their children. Maybe some good marriage counselling would help?>
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Old 25th March 2013, 02:46 PM   #3
Forever
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

If this has been going on for several years...and he has his own car, that means he is old enough to get a job and perhaps a few room mates and GET OUT while he still knows everything.

You should not be the one who has to leave when there is that level of disrespect...and it is hard to want to spend "quality" time with someone who then turns around and jabs you later as if rewarding you for your efforts.

Chosen is correct though...if you have been neglecting him OR if you have some habits at home that he thinks are noteworthy for disrespect (like being a heavy drinker ect) then that may come into play too.

It is obvious that your wife feels the same level of disrespect towards you too...otherwise she would put him in his place and team up with you...are you doing something or failing to do something that has been bothering her for a long time?

Since you are already thinking of moving out, how about helping him to do that instead?
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Old 25th March 2013, 06:23 PM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

Obviously something is wrong in your relationship with your son Picado and now your wife also.

Maybe he didn't get enough attention from you and it is affecting him. Nobody wants to justify wrongdoing but maybe there is something deeper going on here. You have only got the now to sort it. Once he leaves you could lose him. I would listen to your wife and weigh up what she is saying. She might be saying wrong things and right things. You have to judge of course but I think it is time to get your thinking cap on as to what on earth is going wrong.

Why is the parking space only your space? I hope you have not inadvertantly cut him out of your life. I think it is saying something that he is trying to get your attention, even in the wrong way.

Last edited by Raymond; 25th March 2013 at 06:29 PM.
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Old 8th April 2013, 10:04 AM   #5
picado
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

Sorry for not replying to be honest I didnt think anybody would.
Raymond.... because it is my parking space just like my phone is my phone, I've parked there for years but the point is its my and the wifes home so he should do has he is told dont you think.
Forever......yes I have been failing to do something for the wife, we haven't had sex for a number of years, do you think that this is the reason she is never with me.
Chosen..... yes why does he need attension, I never was bothered about attension when I was his age I just got on with life. We used to do things together but as said he just does things to annoy me all the time and shows off in front of me and now he is using the f word in front of my wife but I'm not going to say anything because it wouldn't make any difference at all, it seems the more I interfere the worse he gets, its as though he wants me to jump in so he can retaliate or argue with me, he wants to be the boss, he hates my authority, hates me telling him stuff which now is very little. In the parking the car incident when |I told him to move it he was confonrtational as though he wanted me to hit him so he could have a go back at me to prove his strength. There's loads I could say even doing pull ups in on the door frame right in front of me, He used to squeeze my arm has hard has he could (When we did get on) to prove his strenght to me. sorry to ramble.
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Old 8th April 2013, 10:23 AM   #6
picado
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

The thing is when he refused to move his car he also said you never can get on with me can ya (Shouting) the thing is though he wasn't and still isn't in to get on with, never mind his disrespection and annoying me all the time, he's like a stranger now and I feel very awkward in saying anything to him at all. As said I've talked to him since our trouble but the reply I get is (your getting at me) and he has maybe just once said something to me in I dont know how many years. In all honesty I dont think he really wants to get on with me at all, I just think he wants to argure with me or even to physically fight me, he once turned the telly off purposely as I was watching it and startted laughing, I said turn it back on again, which he did and then he turned it off again and I got up and slapped him, not just for this but for all the other things he has done to annoy me. He retaliated a little (15 16 years old) but now at 18 I think he really wants to have a go at me just so he can prove himself and how strong he is.
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Old 8th April 2013, 03:33 PM   #7
Forever
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

I don't know...which of you is mostly responsible for not having intimate relations? Was there something that caused this...or is it a mutual understanding that evolved over time?

I do agree that your parking place should be respected...that is a natural understanding at my home too...everybody knows where "their" spot is and there is never any question about it.

Does your wife "confide"...air her grievances to your son?

His wanting to fight you is due to a deep disrespect. If he respected you, those urges and thoughts would never cross his mind.

Do you think it possible that he could be using drugs...what did his grades look like over the last couple of years...does he work?
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Old 8th April 2013, 05:08 PM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

Sounds to me like he is in full scale rebellion against you. I don't know whether this was produced by rejection or not. Probably wise to disengage and let him live his own life. If you do get opportunities to help him it would be wise to use them so he knows you don't hate him. It would be very unwise to go down the road of physical fighting now at his age. I would still listen to your wife on this as she may have some insights as he is not alienated from her it seems. I also think it is wise to ask him what the problem is and get beneath the surface as to what is going on if you can.
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Old 8th April 2013, 08:14 PM   #9
picado
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

Forever....we had good relations, we did photography together, ice skating, tennis all the things you do but as soon has he got to 16 he changed, started bossing, stealing, shouting, arguing and doing things to annoy me. As said my wife stick up for him all the time, she's never with me, I'm always wrong and he's always right. I dont think he takes drugs and he is studying to be a mechanical engineer...thanks

Raymond....I dont talk to him because now I find it terribly difficult to especially when he's never in anyway. I have asked him a couple of times to sort out our problems but he always shrugs it off and says I'm getting at him. I think that he doesn't really want to get on with me at asll and actually likes arguing with me just to get one over on me. When he shouted at me... you never want to get on with me do ya, he's never in to get on with and when he's in he avoids me by waliking straight upstairs, he just cant sit next to me and talk, he wants to fight me, to get one over and this is why he purposely does things to annoy me so's I will retaliate or argue with him, itds as though he want to get back at me for some reason, he has a chip on his shoulder and its me, I've done nothing wrong to him. When he also said I never let him do anything and my wife agreed with him I felt well out of it, the only thing I haven't let him do is go on the internet in an afternoon because I wanted him to learn something instead of looking at facebook or some other rubbish, Iv'e always said after tea you can go on which was my rule and he knows that was my rule but he broke it I dont know how many times and thats the only thing I havent let him do in two years so how come my wife agreed with him...what a laugh, its as though he cant do any wrong and I cant do any right, the things I could go on about, I could be typing all night...no kidding
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Old 8th April 2013, 08:36 PM   #10
Forever
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

Mind if I ask what happened to the sexual side of the relationship? Often (really most) it will result in a great "disconnect" emotionally without that happening in the marriage. This may be why your wife finds it so easy to side with your son...she simply no longer "feels" married. Feel like talking about it?
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Old 8th April 2013, 08:45 PM   #11
Raymond
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Re: Wife on sons side all the time

That would probably be a good place to start. Two agreed together will be stronger than one. At the moment he using the division. Yes of course sex is important within marriage.
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