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Old 19th April 2013, 07:06 AM   #1
judonski
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When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

At 29 for God’s sake yet it seems she remains extremely immature and needs to grow up.
She comes across as very manipulative and repeatedly threatens to leave with our kids…………3 of them(under fives)
Warning me that "her" kids will never step foot on their fatherland ie my family house......saying "over my dead body"
Doesn’t speak to anyone in my family-has had heated argument with my sister on the phone a while ago and was swearing all day.
Telling me that "women" have more right in "this country "and my choices are limited………..translating to the expectation that she will have more rights than me.
It is forbidden(from where she's from) for a woman to earn money for her husbands use.
I have my plans and may execute it one day..........what I hear in the middle of arguments.
Making mockery of me over my disability, telling me to ask my father or my people to arrange a carer for me as she is not my carer.
Getting lots of attention these days from men she tells me-postman,delivery man,builders,doctors,mall,churches
Men are even promising her marriage in her dream
Appears to fancy single motherhood status so much these days as we are living in “Britain”.and discusses the gains so passionately.

Latest trouble was over a little argument she initiated last night-basically asking me to purchase a washing machine for her parents.

I still love her massively and am making huge plans to arrange a decent career for her.

My fear is why bother myself so much for her given the above.



I hope I'm understood,sorry bad structure

Last edited by judonski; 19th April 2013 at 04:41 PM.
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Old 19th April 2013, 01:01 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

Can you say a bit more about this? Where is she from? Where are you from?. Are you married? What is your disability? Has she always been so manipulative and selfish?
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Old 19th April 2013, 03:15 PM   #3
judonski
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

We are both from Nigeria but live in london.I brought her here 6 years ago when I got a job.We are married and though I am settled here(immigration wise),she is required to stay in this marriage to get her own settlement.
My disability is muscular dystrophy (beckers type) but I am still able to do things.
There is a huge difference in our academic achievements.I am a medical doctor with postgraduate qualifications,she dropped out from uni. due to her fathers limited resources.
She finds it difficult or impossible to say sorry or tender simple apology.
She has always been manipulative but nothing near what is happening right now.
To say she is manipulative and selfish is an understatement. My take had always been who is perfect anyway.
She tells me things too bad to put down here.
I am not depressed or anything but I 'm loosing sleep over it,just staying strong for my kids.
I have sometimes considered going secretly to Dignitas in swithzaland to take my own life-it has been that bad.

Last edited by judonski; 19th April 2013 at 03:23 PM.
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Old 19th April 2013, 04:30 PM   #4
Forever
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

1) Taking your life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...not the best choice. There is a future for you in spite of her, and your children would be left being raised w/o your example of good character, love and stability.

2) Go see a solicitor and find out what your parental rights are and find out what you would need to do to implement them in the worst case scenario...do not tell her that you are doing this...it will escalate her hatred. Yes, hatred.

3) Do not give her anything. Let her earn whatever she wants like the rest of us do. Her treatment of you is outrageous and unless she was respectful and loving, you need not bother with her demands.

4) Take an inventory of your good qualities as a man and as a potential husband for someone else. Hold on to those qualities and in fact, plan on it. This marriage will not be saved...it is too toxic.
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Old 19th April 2013, 05:41 PM   #5
judonski
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

Thanks for your time Chosen,Forever
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Old 19th April 2013, 05:51 PM   #6
Forever
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

Your welcome. I am so sorry that I cannot offer you "solutions". There are none as far as this marriage goes. But the marriage in itself is not the only essence in life. You have children who will grow up and want/need their dad. You have the potential for another relationship forged in mutual love and respect. You have but one life to live and can do so with honor.

God Bless you dear,
Forever
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Old 19th April 2013, 06:19 PM   #7
judonski
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

I 'm happy with the suggestions so far and would surely see a solicitor in the coming week.Any more thoughts are very welcome please.
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Old 19th April 2013, 06:22 PM   #8
Forever
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

I will keep you in my prayers throughout the day. I am leaving for work now (USA time) and if I come up with anything else, I will get back to you promptly.
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Old 19th April 2013, 08:25 PM   #9
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

That 'd be great Forever.

The potential losses may not be too imminent at the moment but the rejection is very palpable.
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Old 19th April 2013, 08:26 PM   #10
Forever
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

Are you a Christian?
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Old 19th April 2013, 08:28 PM   #11
chosen
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by judonski View Post
I 'm happy with the suggestions so far and would surely see a solicitor in the coming week.Any more thoughts are very welcome please.
I agree with forever, and I think that your concerns need to be for your children.
She sounds like a very selfish and difficult lady to live with, and I feel for you.Even more though I feel for your children and their future.

Yes go and see the solicitor.
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Old 19th April 2013, 08:30 PM   #12
Forever
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by judonski View Post
That 'd be great Forever.

The potential losses may not be too imminent at the moment but the rejection is very palpable.
As you have heard her say...she can up and take the children, and she is correct that there is little that you can do about it unless you make the first move to secure them to you and within your area. We have seen men win in Court, and their ex wives ignore custody...moving children out of the country!

How old are you and how is this genetic disorder presenting itself now days? Does your wife work?
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Old 20th April 2013, 01:41 PM   #13
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

Absolutely,the kids are my main concern.I worry about them all the time.Yes I am a christian. I am 37.
The muscle condition is becoming more problematic these days but I'm hoping to arrange some equipment that would help me maintain my independence.
She's not working -has not been able to secure one. Actually no career yet, but you can imagine the kind of job you 'd be looking for without any qualifications or skills.
My advice has been for her to go back to school-at least on a part time basis with a view to becoming more employable in future but her parents are too demanding to allow this happen.
Sometimes I wonder how she intends to even feed the kids if she takes off with them.
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Old 20th April 2013, 08:38 PM   #14
Forever
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

I do not understand...did she marry her parents or did she marry YOU? What kind of "demands" are they making that would prohibit your wife from carving out a financial future for herself?

I hope someone realizes that the genetic disease you have can get worse over time...and sorry to say, can cause heart problems resulting in your departure. So it seems to me that your wife really OUGHT to think in terms of having a career whilst you are able to still care for the kids and do things to keep your independence.

In the event of a divorce, her support payments will rely entirely on what you are able to give also. So given your condition, common sense would dictate that she get her act together and stop being so nasty to the one man that can make this happen...at least for the sake of the children...that would be you.
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Old 20th April 2013, 09:01 PM   #15
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Re: When marriage meets physical disability-Urgent Advice please

I do not know what being a Christian means to you entirely. But what it means to me is that I take on the burdens of others as I am able. It means to love them and pray fervently for them...intercede for them if you will.

Given the situation that you are in as well as the urgency of care that you need (emotionally/spiritually/mentally)...as well as the fact that you have such little children in your care...as well the fact that your wife is being influenced by parents who are NOT seeing the critical need for their daughter to get with reality...as well as the fact that your wife is so nasty/hostile/threatening to you, I would say you need help....Divine intervention and/or direction.

This help will have to come in the form of what God will do for you. So I will endeavor to gain an "audience" with Him...Who can do above and beyond all we can think or ask.

Please let me know if there are any changes over the next couple of months...don't leave me hanging okay? Let me know if He gives you instruction, comfort, and strength as well as direction okay? You can privately email me if you would rather. sweetznco@mlode.com

Kindest Regards,
Forever
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