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Old 19th July 2018, 03:06 PM   #1
C2LK
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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She does little to help around the house- we both work...

Hi everyone, Iím something of a stranger to forums etc but I have a dilemma and really need some advice.

Iíve been married for nearly 5 years, relatively happily, and I have 1 son and 1 step-son. My wife and are I both full-time students, Iím approaching the end of my 1st year (resit willing) and she is going into her 3rd year in September.

Anyway, the crux of the issue, is that she does nothing to help around the house (and please, no comments about a Ďmanís perspectiveí or anything like that)- I mean, she literally does nothing. I clean, I cook, I wash, I tidy, I get the kids ready (drop them off and pick them up nearly everyday), Iíve even found myself coming downstairs to get her a drink while she lounges on the sofa watching TV or glued to her mobile on the other side of the kitchen wall.

Iím not great at dropping hints; I mean, I might be great but they go unheeded, and things usually reach a tipping point and I lose it- Back in May, I lost it big time, told her Iíd had enough and things needed to change. We were going on holiday the next week and she said sheíd try when we got back.

Itís now the middle of July and obviously thereís been no change. If anything itís gotten worse. I donít consider myself a clean freak, but today alone Iíve had to rinse out the shower after sheíd had a bath, pick up countless scraps of rubbish, and take every plate and cup sheís used back to the kitchen, plus, take both barrels because a very important cheque sheíd left on the hoover wasnít there anymore.

She recently got back from a foreign placement (2 weeks abroad), and I feel horrible for even thinking this, but I really didnít miss her one bit- the kids were a bit tetchy from time to time, but otherwise things ran like clockwork.

I donít think this is divorce or break-up worthy, yet, but Iím really starting to resent her. She does suffer from depression, which she claims affects her motivation etc, but she always seems to have plenty of motivation to visit friends / put into hobbies and the like.

It also really annoys me that in an effort to make up for not doing anything she keeps planning trips away, which is great in essence, but as students weíre not exactly loaded, and guess who ends up doing all the packing / unpacking? In all honesty, Iíd give up a weekend away just to have her do something to help for a change.

Does anyone have any ideas / experience to help?

Thanks in advance.
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Old 23rd July 2018, 12:17 AM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,790
Re: She does little to help around the house- we both work...

I think you need to both sit down and divide up all the jobs 50/50. Write them all down and put them somewhere like on the fridge. Don't do any of her jobs no matter what. One of you take the children and the other one collect them. Then the next week swap. Take it in turns to cook, maybe one day each or one week each. Don't come down and get her a drink when she is in the next room. You are sort of enabling her behaviour by doing things like that.

To be honest I think she likes you running round after her. She wont do anything unless you act. If she is spending ages on her phone, has hobbies and plans holidays, it doesn't sound as though she has depression, maybe its just laziness.
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Old 30th July 2018, 10:34 AM   #3
blendflush
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Re: She does little to help around the house- we both work...

I think it is time for you to seek the help of an expert, like a marriage counselor or therapist, especially if she claims she is depressed. Depression is a serious issue that must not be taken for granted. I had a friend who looks so outgoing, always asking us to party and travel. We really had no hint that she was depressed. We were just shocked when the news reached us that she had committed suicide.

Let a marriage counselor help you assess your situation and teach you techniques on how to better deal with your problems. Do not wait until it is too late.
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