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Old 7th January 2008, 04:31 PM   #1
mellie08
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please help

Hi I am 21 from the UK, i have been with my partner for the last 4 1/2 years - he is 28.

We met online when I was 17 and I moved 160 miles to live with him after about 3 months, a bit soon I know, bit I didn't care I just wanted to be with him.

Now I am feeling so bored and I really don't want to be with him, I have tried breaking up with him before but he gets so angry I get scared.

I have been in stable job for 3 years where I am living, we have a few financial commitments too plus a rented house.

I stupidly cheated on him last night with another man, as I am currently visiting my parents. I don't feel guilty what so ever. As my man doesn't seem to satisfy me or make me feel loved.

I have spoken to my parents about moving back in, they are a bit dubious about this, I won't be able to afford my own place until I settled in a new job.

I just don't know what to do, i regret moving in with him, but If i leave ill have to leave my job and will lose friends too.

what do i do???????????
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Old 9th January 2008, 09:19 AM   #2
1aokgal
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Re: please help

Mellie08....

It seems you act on impulse without thinking through your actions. I don't know what home conditions you left at 17 but you jumped into a livein you now regret. That is the age you should have been most concerned to get more education for your life ahead.

When you are out working young you don't have bargaining power at good jobs and decent money without the most education that you can get. If I had been your mother I would have stopped the earth from turning than let you move in with some guy at 17. I hope you are smart enough to use birth control that also takes in disease protection. When you throw your life down the tubes at 17, you can't get it back when you are 30. Your mistakes follow you forever.

You are OUT of control and your folks figure if you move back home you will be out on the streets and pick up another bum pretty fast. It is unlikely you will respect their house and be a young woman who acts in a moral and responsible way. Maybe they figure you are on the road to ruin and nothing they can do will stop that. They also don't want to supply free room and board to somebody who will tell them where to get off if they say you should keep a curfew. Never think of college or a better education? You are unlikely to listen to anyone until you make more painful bad decisions.

You say you regret the boyfriend and you are scared of him. Well, he has picked up that he is being taken for a ride and you may be looking elsewhere. He has got it that you are not happy or satisfied with him.
Did the one night stand satisfy you? I think if the boyfriend picked up that one he might beat your head in. You will be one more young woman who ends up with a broken nose or injuries from a man who gets even for using him while you hunt for another better room ticket. I will be very blunt. You are missing some real basic moral development in your lifestyle. Totally selfish, is what I would say about you. Your parents must be very disappointed in the young woman you are now.

If you got real decent honest with your folks and told them you would sign up for some college classes and work while keeping to house rules......no overnights, no all night runarounds, you might have a chance to get a better start in life. I am afraid I will be skeptical that is going to occur. I see you will skim around until you find another guy who will carry you awhile. You will go from one dead end job to another because you are young and no decent education or training. I am the mother of a daughter who put all the right stuff into place though she made a few mistakes along the way....it can be turned around with lots of work on your part.

I see the boyfriend is on the hook for a lease and is already unhappy with your performance so don't fight and get hurt. I hope you can make smarter decisions than what you have chosen so far. You cannot build a successful life on sand......get some substance. Make better decisions. You should be at home with those who love you and prove you are worthy of their trust. I am concerned for your welfare. Get on the right track before it is too late.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 13th January 2008 at 08:01 AM.
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Old 11th January 2008, 05:08 PM   #3
mellie08
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Re: please help

Well excuse me, I don't think there was any need for most of your comments.

Like I said in my post, I am in a stable/ secure job and have been for 3 years, I am well paid and have been promoted several times. I certainly do not go from dead end job to dead end job liek you imply.

I am not stupid enough not wear a condom which prevents unwanted pregnancies and STD's. As I suffer from an overies problems I cannot take the contraceptive pill.

I certainly do not treat my parents like dirt, the reason I would'nt be able to go back to live there is simply because of room, I used to share a bedroom with my little sister she is now 13 and deserves some personal space which I respect.

I have gained many qualifications through my job without going to college or university.

I left school with a good education and was brought up well in a catholic evironment.

You don't now me so don't assume I am just some waster, some slag who is off the rails.
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Old 11th January 2008, 11:37 PM   #4
1aokgal
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Re: please help

There is a great need for most of my comments. Your life is a disaster of the man you live with (who bores you) and Mr. Lucky, the guy you had acquaintence sex with for a lark. You blew your parents off and went on the road at 17. Either they suggested you leave, because you were out of control. Or you moved out, though you were a minor, to spite them and move in with the much older guy. Technically, you were jail bait. It seems you feel you can do as you choose. I suspect your parents don't want the hassle of your lifestyle and hope their younger daughter does not see too much example and get started off wrong as well.

Good Catholic education/training doesn't include shackups and sleepovers as I recall. There must have been a failure in communication for you to feel your lifestyele reflects those basics. I am sure your parents tried hard if they paid that private parochial school tuition. It is a big sacrifice for parents who support this great education for the kids. The educational standards are high and the kids excel when they go on to college. My family sent us (five in family) to Parochial school and my children went to Catholic schools as well. We had to sacrifice financially to afford to do that.

Sorry..dearie..you have not got a clue. It seems you will dump the rest of your life down the tube. Glad you have sense to use careful birth control. Funny, how you think you have so much going but that roomate will dump you as he figures out the score. Get real, and make some changes for a better future. Life is tough out there. I wish you could make peace with your family and stay focused to get more education or job training.

A high school education opens no doors in todays competitive work environment. My daughter is back again in school at 32 to finish a university degree she began years back. Her $44,000+ a year job is the same since age 18. Now she is a supervisor and she retires with full benefits at 39. then her plan is to shift to the second career with her masters degree that pays over $80,000. That is focus and hard work. Yes, for me too as I contribute to her tuition as well and we help her with my granddaughter overnights and I take her to school in the morning. My daughter works nights so she can go to school days.
Think over your situation and changes it before you waste more time.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 17th January 2008 at 09:03 PM.
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Old 12th January 2008, 08:12 AM   #5
Sierra
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Re: please help

All I want to know is...WHERE WERE YOUR PARENTS.....

If I read this correctly, you were 16.5 and he was roughly 23.5, and now you are bored with the relationship?

Really? Are you sure? Time to start growing up my friend. Just because you can have sex does not mean you are ready for it.

Between the time a person is 16 and 30 a persons personality will change so much that they will recognize former selves, let alone others.

So what kind of answer do you want? That eveyrthing will be all better? It won't.

Get rid of this guy. Date for a few years. Go to college. Learn about YOU. Then look for a guy you mesh with.

Anything else is foolish.

S
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Old 13th January 2008, 12:50 PM   #6
val100
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 537
Re: please help

Oh my god, stop talking to her like she is an idiot she is 21 what were ye doing so well at 21. This site should not be about judgement because guys hang draw and quater me in that case. At 23 I was raising 2 children owned a house and was in fulltime university education. I still manage to make mistakes at 33.
Mellie08. Here it is Stop what you are doing take a deep breath and work out what you want. At 17 you thought you knew everything and no matter what your parents couldn't have stopped you. Your life is yours now, you have to be responsible for your actions. If your boyfriend scares you then you need to get your stuff out of there and then tell him you are leaving have a friend waiting for you so you know you won't get hurt. Sit him down and do it properly. You are an adult think of his feelings.
Stop with the other guy NOW. You don't feel guilt because in truth you don't feel anything right now. You are confused. You have a good job focus on that for 6 mths, go out enjoy your youth and do not get into another relationship until you are over this. Your parents are not to be discussed on this forum by anyone as it is highly disrespectful to them. As parents we do the best we can and christ not one of us is a perfect parent.
You could very easily get into trouble if you do not plan your future right now, You are very young no offence. Make a decision and stick with it. Best of luck
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Old 14th January 2008, 11:09 AM   #7
prinsesa
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Re: please help

i agree with nuala treacy this is the best advice for you mellie08

second advice from me.... ignore those rubbish judgment from 1aokgal which is just trying to imply how perfect mother she is, well i pity her kids and grandkids for having a person in their life like her, i think she manipulated everyone in her family as she trying to imply in on you this time just to prove how good she is in doin her life style! my god! we all made mistakes and the OP clearly stated she needs help in her problem, she dont need your unfair judgment 1aokgal, what she need is advice. she wasnt a girl who just wasted her time hanging round pubs to pull men, she just made a mistake living with the man she thought will be the right guy. most teens do mistakes, and she did it when she was only 17, now she realised what she done and longing for advice and what you gave is pure judgment that cant help! i think 1aokgal is the one who needs help here, let her clear her mind and take a look in her life, ask her family if they are happy living with her? well, i doubt it!

follow nuala treacy's advice, i think its the best.

goodluck

x prinsesa
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Old 15th January 2008, 02:59 AM   #8
1aokgal
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Re: please help

I advised Mellie08 to get out of the situation with live-in boyfriend (as he is controlling and scary) before he hurts her. She is bored she tells us which does not excuse risky behavior that may get her hurt. She should try to make peace with the parents, and get focus on goals before she screws up again. She needs to get more education and that should be the focus. She also needs to stop thinking she knows it all.....she does not.

Yes, I am proud of my children and especially my daughter. She works so hard in her job and to complete her education while she works full time. I support her decisions in whatever she does and try to help her when possible. She is self supporting and owns her own home at age 32. She makes too much money for grants and with a little help won't need loans to fund her tuition. We help her with some money toward her school expenses. That is the right thing for parents to help. My daughter made a couple bad relationship choices early in life too so no one has a crystal ball. When one is young they can be easy prey for the players.

We all can make mistakes but the thing is to learn from them. Mellie08 parents paid private school tuition so obviously they want the best for their daughter. It sounds as if they tried to guide her in a right direction and might help her today. I would not want my daughter to feel she has to do it all on her own. I hope Mellie08 will use better judgment in her personal decisions before something might happen to her. There are real nuts out in the world and young women need to use great care in relationships.
The world can be a dangerous place.
I think this advice is sound and Mellie08 needs to rethink her actions to have a better future. The guy you live with should have known you were too young to leave home. When you are 16.5 you don't have a lot of good judgment and sometimes a fast way to get away from home turns into a big dead end. Hope you get some help here. If one gives advice then it means we hope she gets the best of each suggestion and will follow her heart for the right decisions.

X prinsesa .......HAHAHAHA. ditto.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 21st January 2008 at 08:17 AM.
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Old 21st January 2008, 08:13 AM   #9
1aokgal
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Re: please help

Dear Nuala...

I read a few posts and see you have some real problems. Hope you can work things out and find some happiness.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 21st January 2008 at 10:44 PM.
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