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Old 30th November 2011, 05:56 PM   #241
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

What I hate to see here is that there seems a lack of support for Baroness in the position she finds herself at this time! It is
SO easy to say.."Leave, go to your mothers." We don't know if her mother can carry another person living in her house, since she lives on social security herself. What happens to post 50 women who can't work? If she CAN work, can she find a job now? Probably not.

Chosen, you have a paycheck (from your husband), and a secure place to live. When you need groceries you have more than loose change and $13 to shop, because your husband is a man who sees that need is met. I guess you were never homeless? I was homeless for a time and at least, had a car to get to a place to sleep for the night. Baroness finds herself in a terrible situation and invested 10 years of her life with a man who has rejected her as a woman and she is dependent on him now until her disability is determined or she can find a job and make her way with a health problem. She needs some encouragement and not criticism. She needs lots of love right here from those who can help her think out the options. She needs Gods' help and help here.

I was once married to a man I had to chase down to the bar. He was there to play pool with friends. I asked him (begged him) for grocery money because there were two little kids. I had no transportation or job at that time. He threw $20 on the pool table in front of his friends to make himself look good. He told me not to spend it all in one place! We were then separated, and he left because I asked him to leave so he moved in with the barmaid where he spent much of his time. I had to go through the courts to assure basic child support. That is history, and behind..but it is a similar time to what is happening with this lady. Such things leave indelible scars for the moments we survive failed relationships and get to the better moments. It was those memories that made me the survivor who would never depend on another again.

This lady will likely leave this relationship behind, as she is able to do. Gabby morally owes her help for the 10 years she invested in him. He sold her a bill of goods. She believed they were partners in life. She moved in with him with that expectation of marriage and happy life. Right now, life is ashes. There is sadness that she has been rejected as a woman. There is personal shame she did the wrong thing to live with him without marriage. It is not for nothing our mothers told us, "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk free?" Such living arrangements seldom end in marriage and are always a mistake for the woman involved. It is true neither of them are happy in the limbo of a relationship gone sour.

Let's not be superior people who tell her how wrong she was or tell her to put herself in a worse situation or move into the street! She should have the best holiday she can with this man. B should let him know her feelings (which he doesn't care anyway how she feels) and see if January brings her help on that disability. She should continue to get as many job apps out there, as possible. She needs a job where she doesn't have to stand on her feet as customer service or computer data entry. She is computer savvy so that helps for a job that pays better than a clerk. She also lacks transportation so that means she is locked into finding something on a bus route or to manage to find a way to get to work. I was in that same situation with children many years ago.

Certainly, it is not easy to find a job in December or in this economic climate. Regardless of what we claim, there IS problem with women over 50 out there.

I once owned a personnel agency so I secured job seekers and scheduled the interviews based on hiring criteria set by the employer. Many times I heard FB they preferred a more youthful or fashionable applicant for an opening. My job was to help the applicant get the job. It could mean a suggestion she change her hair color or attire to get it. We both scored on a job for her if I could market her skills to fit the opening. I once loaned a fashionable suit to a lady so she would get the job.

There are reasons companies prefer younger, as health insurance claims and the ability to physically perform a demanding job. So women with good job experience still find it difficult to score over younger applicants. The employer knows he has to pay an experienced worker more than a trainee. Right now, at the end of the year, most companies have a freeze on hiring for the new year budget. These are hard times. So if she can sell her hats or get out the applications, that is best to do until January. Then, she needs to perhaps move to the mothers' or relatives home if that can be worked out with them. Some move needs to happen soon.

Baroness can't stay where she is now. She knows that. Marriage is off the blackboard.
Personally, I think she stands at a step that is difficult but where she may find a better life in time. I wish her the best and hope she has the courage to make good decisions. Gabby might realize he lost a good thing and try to mend the relationship. I think she is better to write finish on this chapter but it is a difficult position to be in when one has to start over.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 30th November 2011 at 07:39 PM.
 
Old 30th November 2011, 06:16 PM   #242
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

There are no places in homeless shelters in the US but on "reserved ahead " 3 day stay. That is reserved for women with children. There are women out there sleeping in doorways. Welcome to the real world to those of us who are secure!

Some churches offer a cot for a night and a meal at a soup kitchen. That is the world out there. Lets' try to help her with options better than that.
 
Old 30th November 2011, 08:11 PM   #243
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Chosen, you totally ignored what I said about how he treats me.I don't have to go to any homeless shelter, of all things. I have friends and family who would never let that happen and neither would God.I am choosing to stay here because I still have an open mind about God dealing with the situation and also opening a door.

I want you to stop telling me to leave and stop ignoring the facts and continually saying the same things. You do not know gabby and you don't know me and so I am asking you nicely to quit trying to 'fix' me and the situation. All you are doing is upsetting me and I don't feel that you have my best interests at heart.

I feel that 1aokgal does; she has shown me that she cares. She overlooked my harsh words in the past and came back to this post and she says positive things to me and doesn't tell me to just walk out on the street. What made you think I would ever do such a thing? I am not alone in this world but it isn't up to you to tell me when to go to my mothers or anywhere else.I am a grown woman and don't need to be told what to do.

Frankly,I find you very closed minded in regards to men in general and I poured out my heart in my last post and told you how he made me carry the groceries. You never address the things I tell you about him and just say I complain about him. Maybe you think its okay for your man to lie and hide things from you and not sleep with you or even bring up marriage to you; but I don't.

I am making the best of the situation and I am still waiting for God to show me what to do. And if he is shocked when I tell him I'm leaving then he only has himself to blame for not trying in this relationship and continually keeping things from me and letting me think one thing when its really another thing. We are getting along today and had a conversation this morning but I am not going to tell him any of the things you told me.

I'm trying to figure out where you get the nerve to tell me what to do. Yes,I do talk about him a lot because I came on here for that purpose; to see if anyone else was going through the same thing. I notice that you never talk about your husband or your own life very much. We don't really know all that much about you, just that you like to tell other people what to do and how to live.

How are we supposed to trust you when you never share your own experiences and I think that is kind of one sided. I want you to stop trying to manage my life, it is my life and God will show me what to do and when you said the part about words can damage, that's exactly what I'm trying to tell you.Your words are upsetting me, you are not helping me or this situation.

I decided to just do the best I can here with gabby, and if God wants to do a miracle then fine, if not then he will show me a better life. You say its up to God and not to make a move but you are constantly telling me what to do. I am not angry at him and it is just the same as before.Perhaps God wants him to address these things in his life and perhaps gabby will always be like this.

If God opens the door and I leave I will not leave angrily and gabby and I will remain friends. That's what we are now. No, he does not think I am going to leave him because he thinks he has me right where he wants me, helpless and unable to support myself so I have to stay here. However; he is not an unkind man and if anyone thinks so, that is not the case. Just selfish but is capable of great kindness.

I will still try in this relationship until God tells me otherwise but I do not intend to take any more unfair treatment.

Forever, thank you for what you have been saying. I do appreciate it and you do help me with your postings. I have always thought that a man will do whatever you let him get away with.I have not drawn specific lines in this relationship and just let him do whatever he wanted with no complaints at all and perhaps I shouldn't have done that.

Of course it is not all his fault. He's had a hard time in his life, haven't we all, and I make allowances for that but some things are not right to do and he knows that. He will either shape up and deal with his issues or God will take me out of this home. I have a good family and they would never let me go out on the street; we would make it somehow.

Thank you and God bless you.

Also thanks to 1aokgal, you are a great comfort to me and I appreciate you still being my friend. Its hard not to complain when things go wrong, isn't it? I know you can probably understand what I mean because you have been through a lot of the things I am now going through but you have never told me what to do, but offered advice and respected me as a woman who is just going through a hard time.

It is not my intention to argue on here you all of you might have noticed that I am not jumping into defensiveness or being angry or saying, 'How dare you speak to me like that'. No, I am calmer and think before I speak now but that doesn't mean I should just accept negative advice from anyone and just say nothing.

I have come a long way with God's help and I'm not going to let one poster discourage me or make me feel bad. God has everything under control and I think that if someone isn't helping people with what she says, then she shouldn't offer any advice at all. Christians do not act that way and talk like that, and I should know, I've been a christian since I was ten years old.

What does the Bible say? 'Judge not, lest ye be judged'.
 
Old 30th November 2011, 08:35 PM   #244
Chamomile
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Baronness

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baroness View Post
It is not my intention to argue on here you all of you might have noticed that I am not jumping into defensiveness or being angry or saying, 'How dare you speak to me like that'. No, I am calmer and think before I speak now but that doesn't mean I should just accept negative advice from anyone and just say nothing.

I think that if someone isn't helping people with what she says, then she shouldn't offer any advice at all. Christians do not act that way and talk like that, and I should know, I've been a christian since I was ten years old.

What does the Bible say? 'Judge not, lest ye be judged'.
Hi Baroness

I don't think you're the first receiving end of Chosen's "Judegment" on other ppl. Sometimes, it does make me wonder if she enjoys creating an argument to entertain herself. I wonder if she thinks she's God herself

If you're upset about her post, you should speak to Dave, the site owner.
You shouldn't put up with any nonsense from other posters!!

xx
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Old 1st December 2011, 01:47 AM   #245
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Thanks, Chamomile. I don't mind getting advice but not if its going to upset me and certainly not when the same thing is repeated over and over again. I have done my best to explain the situation and the last thing I need to to feel even more worse than I do. I am ready to just deal with things here and move on.

He is finding that I'm not such an easy target anymore. Its all about respect and if you give it, you should receive it and he is discovering that he isn't going to get it if he doesn't respect me. He has always been very respectful but every once in awhile he tries to get away with stuff and so then we go through this. Of course I don't have to put up with it but have decided to stay here until I can get a place or my own or he makes an effort to change.

I do believe God can change a person but not if they refuse, he can't make anyone change and overall he isn't that bad, he just has deep rooted issues about keeping things to himself but I have brushed it aside and decided not to dwell on it and concentrate on my life and what makes me happy. If he wants to be part of my life then he's going to have to change the way he thinks and responds.

I am not an un-understanding person. I realize people have issues but I think i've been pretty understand in all these years but I am not perfect of course. In the end I have to do what I feel is right for me. God weighs into that decision but sometimes he wants us to figure out things for ourselves through common sense.

It would be nice if God could call me or email me but that isn't going to happen so we have to make decisions on what we believe is right. I haven't been unkind to this man and I could have just left him hanging and that's something I would have done before. He can't afford to live here without my help, I don't think.

I think that 1aokgal is pretty terrific considering everything she's told us about what she's gone through in her life and I take courage from that. It helps to know that other women have gone through similar things that I have.

1aokgal, I have great news. I stopped in and told the manager of our apts. that I sold that hat she saw me wearing the other day and she was so happy and said she loved vintage hats and clothes and sometimes she has vintage clothes but not the hat to go with it. Then she said they were going to have a craft sale Dec. 6th in the community room and wants me to bring my hats down there and sell them.

She's very excited and when I do this I can take my business cards down and offer to be available to make hats to their specifications, like taking orders for hats. Custom made, is what I'm trying to say. I'm kind of excited about it myself.
 
Old 1st December 2011, 03:09 AM   #246
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear Baroness..

Oh, I am delighted to hear you struck a positive note with someone on your hats. Good work!

You realize that hats are in full vogue now, especially with black women who wear the most beautiful and expensive custom hats. They call them, "church hats"now. Then there are the re-inactor victorian/civil war community of dressed women who have events and clubs. They will pay $200-400 for a great authentic designed hat in lavish fabrics as silk, velvet with real plumes. One milliner from Calif. has back orders for months for these creations. Everyone in this industry knows her great hats. I have one of hers and it is a beauty.

These ladies have great sales and are so successful they go to the "Somewhere in Time" week in Michigan. They plan their Titanic era costumes all year. That event is where the hats are so fabulous they look straight out of the Titanic movie. A wealthy customer/penpal of mine goes each year and her wardrobe costs her thousands for this event. She is always in the market for a great hat.

That craft show is a great beginning for you to reach those interested in your hats. The more you craft, the better the product result. The joy is in the creation and the reward is to realize you hit on something you like to do, and others value your creations. You found your market. Good work! I have some great photos to send in a day or so, as I try now to ready packages to ship for Xmas.

I talked some about my background and it is one where I had little opportunity and no resources after a too young failed marriage. Sometimes I can't stand to recall those painful memories of being in a situation where I felt trapped and alone. The options seemed few. My family members did well, but were not ones I could ask for help. I felt they judged me for the poverty and my helplessness with little education or skills. I was ashamed of having nothing. I hated to ask anyone for help. I expose this history here, so others can see these tough times pass. These times are an opportunity to learn how we overcome hardships and obstacles.

Sometimes we feel no one cares. We sometimes consider it might be better just to give up. It is hard to even care about ourselves, when a box of laundry detergent is a luxery. We wonder how we can make it day to day.

Years ago, I used the social system to support myself and the kids for awhile. Then I discovered there were programs to obtain a university degree combined with work programs through outreach services. There were possibilities to change my life, but it meant a lot of work and innovation to trade childcare and transportation to make it work. It took a great belief to put that into motion. It was hard to see ahead when one can lose belief they have value or even the ability to succeed. There are many who tell you that you can't do it. They will ask why would you want to do it. Some people may even hope you fail.

This past means I will never feel absolutely secure in anything I achieve. I will always be afraid I could be homeless or hungry again. No amount of "safe" washes away "unsafe" feelings. Maybe that is why I think as I do. It is why I save so carefully, and cut coupons and plan everything ahead. It is why I luxuriate in the time I have to be creative, when all my life was to work two jobs or worry. It was funny to hear someone here describe me as "materialistic." Yes, that same lady who knows so much about so many things.

My daughter brought me over several things she bought for me today. One, a soup ladle, and another, was a bag of plastic clothespins to pin bag tops. I spend on nothing non-essential. She laughed at me the other day. I said I had no soup ladle for 20 years, so wouldn't buy one now. I just use a cup for sauces. I push down fold bag tops. She pins all her open bag tops with plastic clothes pins. She has the latest in kitchen tools. She has an electric chopper. I just chop my onions the way I always have. It is a generational thing. Young people today think they must have it all!

Yesterday, I gave her $100 bill so she could buy a great new lighted xmas tree...that was half the price she needed to pay for a really nice one. She sent me a photo of her new tree on facebook.
Today she brought me over a new soup ladle and then plastic pins for my bags of chips, noodles, etc. Does she realize I will always think "deprived?" Perhaps, as she sees me "make do" but give to her instead, she does.

Yes, baroness, I AM you in some ways! I understand your fear of the future. I feel your pain, that all you put in there seems lost. I live your trials as you go through the days when you wonder how you move ahead. The world seems quite hostile, doesn't it?

I hope you understand my relating this personal stuff is not just about you. It is so others can see themselves when they wonder how they pick up and move on when things are so tough. Sometimes it is hard to visualize a road ahead. As women, we know we are somewhat captive to the love we have given to another.

I'm glad to offer you some help with the creations. The suggestion with the hatmaking seemed a natural. Since you have creative interest and talent..there are many things you can do to earn income while you wait for a regular job. When all you have is some time and some good ideas, you can do a lot with little in materials with these hats. The market out there is incredible. Good luck!

Last edited by 1aokgal; 1st December 2011 at 05:01 AM.
 
Old 1st December 2011, 05:28 PM   #247
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

It sounds as if Chosen is frustrated that her directives aren't being acted upon? Thats' life. We can advise others what we think they might do in a situation. We can suggest workable options. It is not our place to dictate how they should live or how they might choose to accept the opinions that well wishers put out there.

We are coming from our own life experiences. Some here had some career training to assist others with social issues. The last I heard, there are no trained social workers here. I did internship with clients in a mental health setting or counselling and observed some human nature up close. It can be extremely frustrating for a helper to internalize that all people have the right to self determination. We can't live it for them. Many will choose to go another direction, and that is their right to do it. We don't have all the information and we don't live in their space. All we can do is give them encouragement and support to assist the decisions. It is a complement that we have been asked what we think and for our advice.

We can hope they don't get hurt when they choose to go in another direction. When one says "Baroness needs to decide what to do, or she will still be here in 10 years time still undecided and still blown back and forth" sounds quite pompous to me . It seems uncharitable and shows little respect to suggest this lady is not an intelligent person with free choice. She will make the best decision...for her. It is not about us, and our need to be right.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 1st December 2011 at 10:30 PM.
 
Old 1st December 2011, 05:45 PM   #248
Helen_uk
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

To be honest, I read it that Baroness is hoping for some direction from God and I don't think God works to a timetable .

I think Baroness is doing her best under very difficult circumstances and trying to make sense of it all.

It's always easy to sit on the outside of a situation and say " you should do this , or that " . Being in that situation is a whole different ball game.
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Old 2nd December 2011, 12:41 PM   #249
Chamomile
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Re: Married and lonely

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post

I hope she returns as well. beenthere should share her other ideas as to how her marriage has lasted so many years. We all want to be a community here, though we sometimes differ sharply.

You are such a neat person, Chamomile. How I would love a trip to London with you to go to tea! I bought some beautiful dishes last month that I admired for about five years. That wonderful Ebay had a good buy on service for four.

If you were here in US, you would always have an invite to test them out with goodies and tea! Have a great day. :-)
(((((1AOKGAL)))))xoxoxox You're such a Delightful lady!! Your presence on here makes a huge difference to so many ppl. Thank you for your kind words. Hugs
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Old 2nd December 2011, 05:23 PM   #250
1aokgal
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Re: Married and lonely

Chamomile, Sweetie, you are always gracious and I love your level headed response to those in trouble here on this forum! xoxoxoxo Thanks for your kind response!

We all value the posters and want to believe that the input we give here helps another gain clarity in some difficult situation. Sometimes I have been guilty to lack tact in getting across a point. Live and learn!

Hope you are well!
 
Old 2nd December 2011, 06:32 PM   #251
Baroness
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I don't know about anyone else but I am not responding to Chosen anymore. I have asked her nicely to quit telling me what to do and she has ignored it and my comment that all she does is try to direct other people but doesn't say anything about her own life. A true christian does not act this way; I want everyone to know that.

You ask God's guidance when you counsel someone (since she seems to think she's a counselor) and then he gives you the wisdom. You don't say the first thing in your head or say things that will discourage them or cause them to feel even worse. I am not going to let this get me down. I have faith in God and he is a positive God, and what i'm hearing is not positive. I agree with 1aokgal and thanks, Helen, too.

I got a letter from my attorney that it will now be 3-9 months before a hearing because alot of people and fighting for disability too. I was really depressed about that but I have to overcome any feelings of discouragement on this matter. I am not concerned about my relationship right now because there are other things to be concerned with and I have prayed about all of them.

For now gabby and I will just do the best we can and we'll see what happens. I had to tell him about the letter even though he doesn't tell me about his attorney's correspondence but I am not like that. I considered it cause I know it would upset him, but I just couldn't do it, I have to be forthcoming and he took it pretty well. Suggested I get another attorney but then I would have to start all over.

What do you think, 1aokgal, since you probably know something about this. Do I start over with another attorney and that probably means another nine months anyway? Or do I stick with this one. They are known to be very good attorneys and have been around for a long while and have a 99 percent rate of winning disability cases. I just hate to start over.

I was so depressed last night when I got this letter but today I prayed and said I will handle this, I have the victory, and so I shall. Today i'm going over my best friends house for the night. I housekeep for her and dogsit so that does bring in some money but not enough. We help each other out that way since its beneficial to both of us.

I will have to try very hard to find some kind of job if the disability is going to be another 3-9 months. I have tried and applied on line but I must continue trying. I am determined. I welcome any positive comments and advice. I am not going to complain about anyone to the person in charge on this site. I will just let God deal with her. God is very protective of me and loves me and I don't think he takes to kindly to someone being disrespectful and trying to bring me down.

No one can take God's place. He is the one with the answers and so I mustn't let anyone avert my attention to what I know I should do. Sorry I talk about God so much but he is the reason I have changed and so I do think he is important in my life. I have to get ready to go and again; I appreciate everything most of the posters here have said to me.
 
Old 2nd December 2011, 07:08 PM   #252
1aokgal
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Dear Baroness..

I am so sorry you are disheartened by this delay in your disability claim. You know that the usual claim might be 2 years to process through the appeals process? I'd stay with the attorney you have, if this firm has a rep for handling such claims. It is not their incompetence, it is the nature of this process through gov't. redtape. These claims are in high volume. The idea is to discourage fraud cases and get only to those claimants who need the benfits. In other words, they hope you screw up and prove you don't qualify or you find a way on your own without the benefits.

Be aware that if you work another job, you also may disqualify yourself for disability. Your earnings are usually (most states) no more than $1,000 month that you may work a job to make not to disqualify yourself. It also matters WHAT type of job you get, as they keep surveillance to find fraud in claims of someone capable to do the similar job to what you did before. I am sure you know that, I just mention this.

So my way to handle this for now would be to stay off the radar. You place a newspaper ad and find housecleaning jobs with a friend. These can be on a weekly basis in some households. I know of two who did this and how they set up an agency and made big money.

I did work independently for a few years house cleaning on days when I was only a new realtor. Honestly, the money between house closings meant I needed extra income. I worked a few days in wealthy homes, once a week each job, so it was easy work. Duties are general cleaning, and no heavy stuff. These homes are generally spotless. The money is excellent. If you have a friend who is honest and dependable, that works. Today, some people work through agencies because some will only hire someone who is bondable. They are employees, not independent contractors, so make less with an agency that takes most, and they are legally employees. the money is taxable. The jobs you can accept or decline. The money you make on your own is better. If you are innovative, you can get a couple ladies who work for you as independent contractors. I can give you pointers on your own biz by mail.

Yes, those who would give you advise generally want what is best for you. There are also those who have a need to be righteous and right. No one has the right to assume that you are incapable to make decisions at what is best for you.
No one walks in your shoes, though some have been through similar times. I suspect that good mind of yours has just missed a few great ideas for marketing yourself and your abilities. It is never to late to put some ideas into concrete plans which will generate income there.

This long process with disability is not something you put all your eggs in that basket! I had a lawsuit and patience for the time it ran, so that I didn't depend on that alone. It did pay finally. Your situation there, is touchy, because the glow is gone for both. Liiving under the same roof with just mutual tolerance, is not a long range possibility before the temperaments get nasty. I just hope things start falling into place for you soon. make th ebest holiday you can.

My thought about Gabby. He is not my idea of a good man for you but at the same time, he must be a good man because he helps you and does compliment your nice dinners and such.

When you mentioned shopping..Baroness, let him shop for groceries sometimes. Also, he can run you there, if you do it. Leave it downstairs, with the basket routine. If it is there..he will truck it upstairs. If not..oh well. Leave it. It will only need one time for him to get that idea you won't be carrying it all upstairs. Don't allow him to use you as a camel. He eats the groceries, doesn't he? Then he should shop as well. My husband does most of the shopping here. He cooks dinner often and cleans up the kitchen when he does it. I paint and work on my auction sites. I would never carry groceries as you have done. You can't allow that. sorry, you have allowed too much and now must undo the thought you will do that. You give too much, ask too little in return. Expect him to do more.

If you see a child does not do the dishes well. You then do them. The child then never tries as he knows ou will do it. Training a man is like training a puppy. He must be retrained to respect you more and never should you have to carry those groceries up the stairs!
I hope you will just firmly leave them downstairs next time. See what happens. Whatever you had together must still be somewhat there. I think you have been extremely loving, and it is very sad to see the situation as it stands. Maybe you need to let him know that is too heavy for you to do.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 3rd December 2011 at 01:39 AM.
 
Old 3rd December 2011, 05:07 AM   #253
chosen
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

baroness I think you will find that I have said loads about my life since I have been here.
I just know that I feel very sad and uncomfortable when people constantly complain about their partners all the time, it isnt helpful or productive, wheras speaking positive words is. Words are so powerful in our lives, and in the end we do reap what we sow with our words. The Bible is clear on that. We can build up or tear down, as my close friend was told by God. One thing that God has taught me is to thank Him for the good things and go to HIM and pray about the rest. If I have a problem with my husband, its not right to go to others again and again to complain about him, I need to go to God and leave it there. No one here can change him only God can. We are all only human and with weaknes and faults as your partner is, and as you are, and as we all are.

I made a decision when I married my husband never to complain or moan about him to others. His ex had done this, complained about him to other people (and even to their sons!), and she destroyed her own marriage with her words and attitude, and 7 years later is still alone and lonely. There is no way that I will do that, its would be disrespectful to him. Woudnt you feel hurt if you found out that your partner was constantly complaining about you to others? I am sure you would feel angry and deeply hurt.

I know that you dont like being told that if you arent going to marry him(as you have said many times) then you maybe should seriously consider seperating and let him get used to a life without you and set him free, but what else is there? The choice is marry or seperate. You keep saying that you wont marry him, and are glad that you never married him, so where else is there to go now?
I once meet a man who complained and moaned about his ex. I would never go out with a guy who did this. My husband never once spoke badly about his ex even though she had cheated and lied and divorced him. That was one thing that I loved about him.

Sometimes this forum reminds me of a play ground with little gangs and cliques, with children having a go at others, then they like each other again and have a go at someone else and gang up on them. Girls are very good at that. Surely that is something that should have been left behind at school?

Last edited by chosen; 3rd December 2011 at 05:56 AM.
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Old 3rd December 2011, 05:59 AM   #254
chosen
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

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Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
How about he keeps his money secret because he is CHEAP person?
He can use her resources for grocery money, and not his funds, so he has money to spend at the bar!

He was more interested to hold onto all the cable channels than whether she had enough for grocery money. Yes, that would be a marriage made in heaven, wouldn't it? Maybe she has to see the situation as it really is, not as she wishes it would be.

This is very sad for Baroness, and we just wish she could have happiness and security. It is easy to say "move on" here when we are secure, roof overhead, and don't sweat food money!
It can be done if it is the right thing. Been there done that worn the t-shirt. If its the right thing then anything is possible with God who after all, had promised that he will provide and look after us.
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Old 3rd December 2011, 06:03 AM   #255
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Re: Husband doesn't want sex

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Originally Posted by Forever View Post
Hi Chosen,
She stays because she has no way to leave...NO MONEY...NO FAMILY OR FRIENDS HOUSE TO GO TO...NO JOB...NOT EVEN A CAR TO SLEEP IN....NOTHNG.

Shall she pack a bag and walk through the streets aimlessly in circles?

She is waiting on God to open a door for her so she CAN leave. God has not done that yet....so she is STUCK right where she is.

It is probably a good thing...because while she is waiting for God to arrange for a way for her to get out of there, her decision will become solidified in what she wants. By the time she can leave, she will be more certain about whether or not she would even want to marry him if he suddenly asks her to.

Chosen...she cant leave yet...unless she walks to a homeless shelter. Do you think God would want her to do that?
I believe that once she makes that final decision to leave, and asks God to make a way, He will. As yet she hasnt made that final decision.
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