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Old 7th February 2017, 01:51 PM   #1
ralfgarnett
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Well it's happened.

Well the last thing I ever expected to happen has done so, she has filed for divorce on the 2 year separation grounds, and on a no fault basis, wants nothing from me in any respect, nothing from the house, no money, nothing at all, even paying all the legal fees, so it looks like the real end of the road for a 22 year relationship, and nearly 20 years of marriage, feel a bit numb and shocked, seeing my solicitor this week just to double check my situation, but I'll tell you one thing and it's simple, never ever again will I give my heart to anyone, I could never go through all this again, I have never knowingly put a foot wrong in our marriage, and neither have I done one single thing that a husband shouldn't do in a marriage, not one, as I said never ever again.
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Old 8th February 2017, 03:05 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: Well it's happened.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Well the last thing I ever expected to happen has done so, she has filed for divorce on the 2 year separation grounds, and on a no fault basis, wants nothing from me in any respect, nothing from the house, no money, nothing at all, even paying all the legal fees, so it looks like the real end of the road for a 22 year relationship, and nearly 20 years of marriage, feel a bit numb and shocked, seeing my solicitor this week just to double check my situation, but I'll tell you one thing and it's simple, never ever again will I give my heart to anyone, I could never go through all this again, I have never knowingly put a foot wrong in our marriage, and neither have I done one single thing that a husband shouldn't do in a marriage, not one, as I said never ever again.
Cant say that I am too surprised ralf, at least you can finally get out of the limbo situation you have been in for 2 years.Thank goodness she is paying all the costs and not claiming anything either, that will make thing easier for you.

We all feel devastated when our marriages end, but I am thankful that I have been able to love again and trust again. It was 6 years after the marriage ended before I met my husband, 4 years before I could even consider dating again. Who knows, in 3 or 4 years you may have healed enough to be able to think of love again.
Try not to let your past rob you of your future.

Last edited by chosen; 8th February 2017 at 08:29 PM.
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Old 8th February 2017, 10:31 PM   #3
TJW
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Re: Well it's happened.

I'm so very sorry to hear of it. I have never had a divorce and so I can only imagine the pain and rejection it must bring to you. My prayers will be with you for your recovery and a continued good life in our Savior.
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Old 21st February 2017, 02:41 PM   #4
ralfgarnett
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Re: Well it's happened.

Many thanks to you both for your very kind replies, apologies for not replying sooner just been feeling very down and anxious about what is to come as the year rolls on, the dialogue between both solicitors has now commenced yet another thing I could never of envisaged between us, very selfishly I had wished for a peaceful hassle free 2017 in which I had hoped to continue my slow recovery at my own pace, but now that idea seems to have been blasted out of the water, and instead as with many others I willl have to endure the unendurable, and just to put a cherry on top, my lovely new priest who has been a source of comfort for me is moving away this week to another part of the country, so in less than 12 months I have lost 2 priests and once again find myself bereft of a spiritual shoulder to cry on just when I really need it, perhaps it's me, and I need to change my deodorant or something.
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Old 21st February 2017, 10:58 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: Well it's happened.

I am sure that the divorce will go through without much hassle. I seem to remember she said she didn't want anything from you, you have no children to worry about, so it should be fairly quick and straightforward. I hope so anyway.
What is wrong with these priests. They don't stay long do they.
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Old 22nd February 2017, 11:09 AM   #6
ralfgarnett
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Re: Well it's happened.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
I am sure that the divorce will go through without much hassle. I seem to remember she said she didn't want anything from you, you have no children to worry about, so it should be fairly quick and straightforward. I hope so anyway.
What is wrong with these priests. They don't stay long do they.
The first one was here 20 years, and I only met the 2nd after the first one had left so I don't know how long he had been in town, I miss them both now.
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Old 22nd February 2017, 12:58 PM   #7
chosen
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Re: Well it's happened.

Do you go to any mid week groups at the church? Mens groups?
We have recently moved to the west midlands and have been going to a really lovely Baptist church here. The people are so friendly and welcoming and we both go to midweek groups as well as thats great place to get to know people better. My husband is starting up a weekly group for men this week as there isn't anything specifically for them at the moment but many churches do have men's groups. You may find some people who have also had marriage breaks ups.

Did you ever go to one of those divorce recovery workshops? They are helpful to many people. Their website is DRW.org.uk

Did she ever come and collect her things?
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Old 22nd February 2017, 01:50 PM   #8
ralfgarnett
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Re: Well it's happened.

Thanks Chosen I will look up the DRW locally, her things are still here but I need them gone now before the D is finalised, so I am going to ask my solicitor to contact her solicitor to find a mutually convenient way of doing this, I always said I would never bag or box her stuff up as I have never wanted anything to do with the dismantling of our marriage, but I think I need to re-think this as I want her belongings gone now, there is no point in trying to flog a dead horse and I have more pressing things to mull over, my depression and anxiety has worsened due to this new situation, and I am worried about where it might take me over the coming months as the stark reallity and shame of D takes hold and becomes a reallity, thankfully I have some great GP's , and some very good friends too, all I am missing apart from my wife is a priest to talk too, I still can't believe this is happening to me, she can't even find anything to D me for yet I could her but would never of put her through this, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, if I had one that is, actually I think I am my worst enemy, lefs face it I have hardly handled this situation very well this past 2.5 years or so, I could kick myself at times because I really wish I had reacted to, and dealt with the whole sorry sistuation much better than I did and still am doing to a certain extent.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 22nd February 2017 at 02:43 PM.
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Old 22nd February 2017, 05:52 PM   #9
chosen
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Re: Well it's happened.

If she is going for the 2 year separation thing, she cant actually legally divorce you unless you agree to sign the forms. She would have to wait 5 years for that. Although its probably not in your best interest to delay it.

I know that RC's are into this deep shame thing for divorce, but you have nothing to be ashamed of.
My husband felt guilty for a while after his wife ended their marriage, but I kept telling him, hang on, it's SHE who met another man and divorced YOU, you have no reason to feel guilty. As a Christian I guess he felt he had failed, but as you know it takes 2 to make a marriage work. He doesn't feel that way now and I don't either.

Its easy to look back with hindsight and think how you would have done things differently. You did the best you could at the time. Try not to let this set you back, its really only making legal what has been the situation for 2 1/2 years anyway, and may even help you to be able to let it go for good.

You could tell her that she must contact you,(via the solicitor if you prefer), to arrange to collect her things by a certain date(maybe a month from now) or they will be thrown away. Then arrange for a friend to be there while she packs it up and moves it out so you don't have to deal with it.
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Old 22nd February 2017, 09:38 PM   #10
ralfgarnett
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Re: Well it's happened.

I don't want this to be over, I want our marriage back, I miss my wife and our life so much, I am still praying that god will help us back together.
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Old 22nd February 2017, 10:12 PM   #11
chosen
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Re: Well it's happened.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
I don't want this to be over, I want our marriage back, I miss my wife and our life so much, I am still praying that god will help us back together.
I think that your wife has made it clear that this isn't what she wants, and because of that its pointless to stay married if she is never coming back.
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Old 12th July 2017, 10:20 AM   #12
Ralf Garnet
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Re: Well it's happened.

Well life does play funny games least when you expect it, I have been apart from my stbxw for over 3 years now, and the papers are signed and just awaiting absolute now, must admit I will shed many a tear that day, she will always be in my heart but I have let go and accepted the inevitable, we are still on very good terms, and I do know through other people she has been snooping to find out where I am in life.

Well the answer to that is I am feeling so mucg better at the moment, still work in progress, but so much better, the reason is simple, out of the blue some time ago now, I re-met a very lovely lady whom I knew around 30 years ago when we were both early 20's or so but she is around 18 months younger than me, we talked for a while, swapped numbers, talked on the phone a few times, then started to meet for occasional drinks, and now we speak most days and see each other a few times a week and always at least one day over the weekend usually Saturday's which have become wonderful again, we are sharing some amzing times, she is absolutely stunning, very beautiful, very vivascious, very caring, very thoughtful, very sexy, very feminine, not too girly nor a princess, I really couldn't be doing with that, she is very down to earth and very very special, and we spend quite a lot of time together, and we have a lot of fun together, at this stage of my life I never expected anything like this too happen, I just really didn't want to know, my defences were up, and nothing like this was ever going to happen to me ever again, but it has, I am happy with the way things are, I am happy with the dynamics, I still live here while she has her own place, and that suits us both just fine, she knows my situation, and she knows she can ask me anything she chooses as relevant, she has been single by choice a good few years since her marriage also sadly ended, because the end of any marriage is sad, so I just wanted to pop in, say hello, and give a brief up date on life 3 years on, I will be back, but I want to re-itterate my sincere thanks to all you special people who have helped me along the way, one thing I have learned is that nothing lasts for ever, so carpe diem, if this relationship lasts, and I can see no reason at this stage why it can't then I will continue being happy with this happy lady, but if for whatever reason it doesn't, then I am in a better place in many ways, because while I care deeply, and even lhave ove her in the same way as she does me, I decided some time ago, to take back my heart from my wife because she became unworthy of it, and instead give it to someone else to look after and keep it safe, ie, me, but now and then I don't mind letting this lovely lady feel what is in my my heart, but right now it's staying with it's owner,God bless you all.

R-G

Last edited by Ralf Garnet; 12th July 2017 at 10:50 AM.
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Old 15th July 2017, 02:27 AM   #13
chosen
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Re: Well it's happened.

It's good to hear that you have met a nice lady and that you are clearly happier. Take it slowly, you are still legally married, and see what happens. As I know there is life after divorce and that life can be even better(as ours is).

Keep your faith though, God is so important.
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Old 17th July 2017, 05:34 PM   #14
Ralf Garnet
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Re: Well it's happened.

Thanks dear Chosen, your very kind as always, yes god in my heart as ever same as Santa Marijia, just had another fun weekend away, and yes I know still married on paper, but boy oh boy have I been enjoying breaking those vows as we get towards absolute, been 3 years apart now, but when a georgeous, blue eyed, sensuos, vuluptious brunette gives a lonely yet dashingly handsome and smart single man the nod to dine, then it takes a lot for a lonely, hungry man to not snack on the buffet, and have been doing so for some time now, guilt factor = big fat ZERO now although 100% faithfull in proper marriage, holy mary mother of jesus bless us and save us and keep us from our sins amen, good to hear from you, hope all is well and going great with you in Worcs and dear husband, was very close to you over the weekend, spent the weekend in lovely Ludlow, I have been before, she hasn't, we had a blast, god bless you.
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Old 24th July 2017, 12:39 AM   #15
chosen
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Re: Well it's happened.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ralf Garnet View Post
Thanks dear Chosen, your very kind as always, yes god in my heart as ever same as Santa Marijia, just had another fun weekend away, and yes I know still married on paper, but boy oh boy have I been enjoying breaking those vows as we get towards absolute, been 3 years apart now, but when a georgeous, blue eyed, sensuos, vuluptious brunette gives a lonely yet dashingly handsome and smart single man the nod to dine, then it takes a lot for a lonely, hungry man to not snack on the buffet, and have been doing so for some time now, guilt factor = big fat ZERO now although 100% faithfull in proper marriage, holy mary mother of jesus bless us and save us and keep us from our sins amen, good to hear from you, hope all is well and going great with you in Worcs and dear husband, was very close to you over the weekend, spent the weekend in lovely Ludlow, I have been before, she hasn't, we had a blast, god bless you.
We really like it here, but were in Gloucester for the weekend at a marriage encounter weekend. It was very good. We have a really good friendly Baptist church locally, so are making friends there.


You are committing adultery, but I guess you know that.
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