A big hug is needed!

[aqua]

Hi Guys

Well it's finally happened.......husband is divorcing me for unreasonable behaviour !

Knew it was coming at some point but I feel totally and utterly crushed.

Any ideas how to get through this this intial shock?
I feel I'm back facing the abyss tonight.

What does unreasonable beahviour mean ecactly? What did I do wrong?
My solicitor suggests I counter his petition and divorce him for adultery first before he petitions me.

take care folks

aqua

Im sending you big hugs Aqua, I really feel for you, I don;t know what to suggest, but i would be tempted to go with what the solicitor has said.

If he was to try and divorce you for unreasonable behaviour he would have to state the reasons.

Not sure what to suggest, just that I am thinking of you,

Men - sometimes I wonder whether relationships are worth the bother.

First of all (((((((((Aqua)))))))))

So sorry to hear this news. You must be feeling just like you did at the beginning. You've done nothing wrong here, he's just going for his easiest option.

From your recent posts, I know you felt you'd made loads of progress during your separation. It must be horrible to get knocked back again. Don't really know what to suggest, but what worked for you in the beginning? A bottle of red must be tempting, trouble is it all seems even worse in the morning.

My solicitor has said that defending a petition is almost never worth it, regardless of the 'fairness' of it. Unreasonable behaviour covers just about anything, so his 'reasons' would likely have no bearing on reality at all.

You could maybe get a second opinion (free half hour?) from a different solicitor just to see if there's any other angles.

look after yourself Aqua,

thinking of you tonite

Hey Aqua,

Counter petition will cost you more money. Its cheaper to be divorced!

As stated there is no real point defending unless the reasons are nasty (i.e. abuse, etc which you would want to clear your name of) My wife's reasons are pathetic but petty and non destructive to me in the long run. I have heard that 'not plumping my pillow up enough' as been accepted as 'unreasonable behaviour' by the courts!

I have inserted a clause saying something like 'the allegations of my unreasonable behaviour are all lies but I accept the marriage has irretrievably broken down'.

The shock of receiving the petition is up there amongst the worst moments in my life.

So sorry. Its not easy is it.

E-mail me if you need to talk


Nick

[jools]

Hi Aqua
Really sorry and sad to read this. I understand how you feel like you're making progress then something like this happens and just seems to knock you back. But it hasn't undone the progress you've made - it's just made you lose sight of it for the time being - until you adjust to this new situation. One day you'll look back at this and just be grateful that you've got rid of such a little sh*t from your life. I can understand the sense of injustice that he should have the audacity to cite YOUR unreasonable behaviour! But in a way it just reinforces what a sh*t he is and how in the long run you'll be better off without him. Cumon girl! Dont let him "crush" you! You can get through this. You're strong and worth more than him. You're gonna cry and feel upset for a while - that's just how it should be - but it'll pass - and you will come out of it a stronger person.. In fact, a new improved version of yourself! Believe that happiness is just round the corner - promise!
Jools XXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Ginger God]

Aqua....life isnt fair..two years down the line I phone to speak to my kids tonight..her boyfriend answers the phone...my words were.."Let me speak to my kids"..his response..say "please its manners"...some folk never learn...but its all about baiting and he will never bait me.
Ended up speaking to the wife who said what do you want me to do about it...I mean its bloody priceless.
But life will get better dont you worry.

Graham

[aqua]

Thanks nik1h, longest day, the lurve god, jools and huskypup

Yes, I do feel like a big pile of dog doodoo!

I had decided I was going to divorce him ...no point in flogging a dead horse. I don't know why it came as a big shock and upset me so much.

I wanted to have everything sorted and signed before getting a divorce. I'd like to know what unreasonable behaviour he's going to use...now that will be the fun bit.

nik1h - my sol said if I petition him for adultery he will more than likely have to pay my legsl costs.

I'm a bit confused as H and his sol are forcing me to petition for divorce and if I decline then he will petition me for divorce for UB!

Take care everybody....it's nice to know where to let off steam. Soon it'll be a sauna in my office room!

aqua
xx

Hi Aqua

I am so sorry it has come to this for you. If you look at my thread you will see that I have received the same sort of petition as yourself and my W is trying to get rid of me for unreasonable behaviour.

My Solicitor says that this is an acceptable way of getting the divorce without having to wait for the two years seperation.

Got to tell you it bloody hurts when you see what has been listed as my unreasonable behaviour - Spending to much time working etc,

Tough talking time (as you have done to me) Its time to move on. I know like me, none of this is your fault, but if he wants to divorce then let him.

It will hit him soon enough just what he is letting go. You are a lot better than this and deserve to be happy. Dont be tempted to contest the petition, in the long run it will cost you more money, and unless your H is making unreasonable demands re house/finances etc let him go.

I am a couple of weeks in front of you, I know how your feeling and my heart goes out to you. Take time out to be with friends who will support you, in the long run you will be better off. Keep posting on the board, if only to get support from people like you and me who are going through the same thing. At least all of us on here care about each other.

Take care and look after yourself

Teacherman (Tim)

[aqua]

Hi Tim

Thanks for your kind words they mean a lot.

I'm not going to contest but to put in my petition first for adultery and then he can pay all my costs. Financial wise I don't know what he is playing at. They asked for full financial disclosure which I gave in 5 weeks ago and they haven't sent theirs in yet. I will not sign anything until I know what's what in terms of the children and the finances. The only stumbling block is remembering where my marriage certficate is!!!! A bit of hunting is in order.

My friend bumped in to him yesterday and said my H looked awful. He had aged quite a bit, whereas I seem to have gained my youthful looks again!
Says it all really.

Hava a good weekend folks!
aqua