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Old 17th February 2004, 06:05 PM   #1
lostwithouthim
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1
Unhappy i need hope and your prayers

hi this is c, and i will be brief, i am a newlywed and a new stepmom, my new husband needs to come to Christ. i felt that he was saved and now i do not. he is extremely controlling of me and my daughter. he wants to save money and it seems that if we have enough money in the bank then he acts better. but whenever i need something, car maintenance or lunch money for my daughter then he goes off. i have learned to control my tongue 99% of the time but he has a double standard and i feel like a doormat. if i make suggestions to him because if he disagrees he goes off/he swears at me saying f--- you!, who the f--- are you!. he lets others hear him. he has let my bills go to pay his bills, he let my christmas present go to keep money in the bank/ when he goes off it is like its kills a little piece of my love for him each time...when i cry he makes fun of me..... i pray every day and i am waiting for a breakthrough....the strength to get through this...i need help and prayers and counsel
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Old 18th February 2004, 05:43 PM   #2
Liz
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 662
Hello C

I'm sure that others will read your post, but I just wanted to encourage you to find someone at church to talk to and get to pray with you. It needs to be someone that you can trust to keep anything you tell them to themselves, perhaps the minister.

Another thing you might find helpful would be to look at Kate's article about managing money issues in your relationship. There are other resources on this subject in the same section of the site here. It seems from what you have said that you have different ways of viewing your money and how to spend it and that you need some safe way to talk this through. It may be that your husband finds it difficult when money is tight - this could be a sense of insecurity or even a sense of failure if he sees himself as the bread winner of the family. There may be other issues to do with power and control and anger management in your relationship too.

I know it's hard but do try and find the grace to forgive and bless your husband when he behaves harshly to you, to guard against becoming bitter. I don't mean that you should be a doormat and accept his behaviour when it is unreasonable. I really think it would be helpful to find someone at church who can come alongside you and support you through this as well as posting here. It may take wisdom and courage to do it, but the Lord will give you that if you ask him.

Liz

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