My Wife Just Hit Me With A Ton Of Bricks

I hope some one can help me out and has gone through what I am going through right now. I couple of months ago my wife shift at work changed where she is working nights and I am working days ....I leave for work at 5am get off at 2:30 to pick the kids up do all the daily chores from cooking,homework,and cleaning ...get the kids to bed then i am asleep by 9:30 ....she gets off of work at 11pm so I don't see her all day except for her and I only day off on Saturday.....the last couple of weeks there was a change with her she said that she wanted to go out for some drinks after work with co-workers and I said OK (since I am in bed by that time) then she started coming home at 1-3 am a few nights and then on this past Thursday which is her Friday she said that she was going to crash at someone else house but will be home when i leave for work for the kids ......i didn't know that persons house was another guys she works with!!!!! she claims nothing happened and I believed her then on Friday night she told me she thinks we are drifting apart and she loves me as a hubby and father and she still loves me dearly but feels that she cannot trust me .....a few weeks ago i sent a message on my space that a girl had nice pictures ....... she said that she doesn't know if this marriage was meant to last? Then on Monday morning I saw that she sent a text to a different person at work saying "wanna do me" and she is claiming that it was a joke in bad taste ....i love her more than anything i love my kids and i love the marriage !!!!! I don't want to loose it what can i do ....any and all help would be appreciated

[Ginger God]

Charlie mate...she is talking in riddles and batting around the edges..ask her what the hell she means.......
From someone who left his wife because she was mucking about with someone else......I would be worried....but you have to get a definitive answer....

Graham

I think these riddles women have are a whole different language as for asking for definitive answers I've been trying to get my wife to tell me why she walked out on me and our home for 6 weeks and I can't get any answers at all. If you love your wife and your wife loves you I would really sit down and try to talk to her before it's to late if you could see a counsellor I would try that I've never been given that chance and that hurts me now. If you want to save your marriage I would try to save it now I would have given anything for a sign that mine was going to fall apart.
I wish you the very best of luck

Hi Charlie. A quick question, before things became like two ships passing in the night, was your relationship with your wife a good one? Was she happy?
It can put a lot of strain on a relationship when you are apart from the one you love for most of the time. You both need to talk about what is missing from the relationship and how you can get it back on track. No accusations, no thinking the worst of each other, just talk about feelings honestly, keeping any angry thoughts to one side. This should be done on neutral ground with no children. It is a tough one, but you have to have a bit of hope that there is no other persons involved and she could just be missing you and how things were.
Good luck, chin up.

[Raymond]

I think Julz is right.

My view is that you are both missing intimacy together and are straying. You with your my space message and her with her communications with men. Hers seems the more serious. At the moment it still may be on a verbal level. All it takes is the opportunity and she may slip judging by her verbal messages. She is going a bit too far already as her attitude is changing towards you, a sure sign that something needs to be sorted out quick.

Raymond

Originally Posted by Ginger God

Charlie mate...she is talking in riddles and batting around the edges..ask her what the hell she means.......
From someone who left his wife because she was mucking about with someone else......I would be worried....but you have to get a definitive answer....

Graham

Graham, thank you for your reply ...I have been asking her not to much as to aggravate her and she is just saying that it is a lack of good judgment on her behalf and I kind of believe her...I must be crazy

Originally Posted by Julz

Hi Charlie. A quick question, before things became like two ships passing in the night, was your relationship with your wife a good one? Was she happy?
It can put a lot of strain on a relationship when you are apart from the one you love for most of the time. You both need to talk about what is missing from the relationship and how you can get it back on track. No accusations, no thinking the worst of each other, just talk about feelings honestly, keeping any angry thoughts to one side. This should be done on neutral ground with no children. It is a tough one, but you have to have a bit of hope that there is no other persons involved and she could just be missing you and how things were.
Good luck, chin up.

Julz, I thought we had a great relationship!!! All of our friends said that we are the perfect couple we never argued at all always talked thing through .....even now I will not raise my voice when I talk to her about these things.......The only thing I think that I could actually say that I wanted improvement in our marriage was our sex life ....but I am a guy and we can never get enough

Originally Posted by Raymond

I think Julz is right.

My view is that you are both missing intimacy together and are straying. You with your my space message and her with her communications with men. Hers seems the more serious. At the moment it still may be on a verbal level. All it takes is the opportunity and she may slip judging by her verbal messages. She is going a bit too far already as her attitude is changing towards you, a sure sign that something needs to be sorted out quick.

Raymond

Raymond thank you ......I told her I firmly believe this is happening since we do not see each other any more .....before we were together every night able to talk and laugh and just look into each others eyes.....now with this shift of hers we are not able to do that anymore (also she cant change her shift till January 10th........on the good side though my job offers free counseling service which they pay for my wife called them last night and she going to see one today and I also called last night and they set up a couples councilor for Friday .....so It does seem she wants to try to work things out ........but I need to know if there was another guy just for my peace of mind so I can trust her again ....I don't want to be the guy who has to know where she is 100% of the time.......also she said that depression runs in her family (i knew her mom was bi-polar) she thinks that may have a part in this

ok ....here is an update she just called me and is on the way to the counselor said that she is going to work after that and after work she was going out with the people from work to the bar to shoot some billiards ....... now why doesn't this sound right? she was at home all day and she already knows who she is going out with and where they are going? or did she make plans with the possible other guy? Or am I being paranoid and not question it and give her some space? She told me where they were going to be and she said that she was not going to drink.

[Ginger God]

Charlie......

Tell her a more funky idea is to come home after she finishes work and discuss how she plans to save her marriage to you...perhaps you could point out that when she is single and lonely she will have time a plenty to "shoot some billiards"...
Dont stand for any crap..you have to call the shots here....
Its your call.

Originally Posted by Ginger God

Charlie......

Tell her a more funky idea is to come home after she finishes work and discuss how she plans to save her marriage to you...perhaps you could point out that when she is single and lonely she will have time a plenty to "shoot some billiards"...
Dont stand for any crap..you have to call the shots here....
Its your call.

But I don't want to push her away I love my family and I can not imagine a day without my kids

here is an update on her going out that night ....she calls me when she gets off of work and tell me that her car will not start ....so I tell her I will be right down to pick her up ....then she tells me that one of the guys is going to bring her to her mom's to spend the night after they go out????????? .....she called me at 11:30 and her mom confirmed that she was there at 1:30 ....i did go and check her car and her starter is gone so I am replacing it today....... We went to the counselor together yesterday and she said that she loves me is in love with me but doesn't want to have sex with me...... she said that she doesn't want to do it and that she still finds me very attractive ....so what's the problem?

[Ginger God]

Originally Posted by CHARLIE D

But I don't want to push her away I love my family and I can not imagine a day without my kids

Charlie..my wife did exactly the same to me 6 years ago until I got the courage to stand up to her..now ..life with me has never been better..stay with my kids half the week and am single the other half but speak to them every day.

Whats wrong with your wife???

She has no courage mate...

[quote=Ginger God;39705]Charlie..my wife did exactly the same to me 6 years ago until I got the courage to stand up to her..now ..life with me has never been better..stay with my kids half the week and am single the other half but speak to them every day.

Whats wrong with your wife???

She has no courage mate...[/quote

Well I stood up to her yesterday and this is what is going to happen..... since we work different shifts she will be sleeping on the couch when she gets home ....i will be doing my same daily routine going to work at 5am picking up the kids helping with the home work showers all that stuff..... she has Friday and Saturday off ...at that time I will be staying over a friends house of the weekend and coming back on Sunday when she leaves for work........this way she will have her space since she is says she cant think of her feelings since I am always around ....this was my idea .....is it a good one or did I just make a big mistake....... on a side note I had a very good friend of mine come over when she was sleeping Saturday night and "map" her phone where I get a copy of all calls and texts incoming and outgoing and there have been none as of yet so was I just being paranoid with there being another guy or maybe they are being more careful....My friend was also able to get me all of her email addresses and passwords off of the computer and there was nothing there either

[PAUASH29]

CHARLIE D I am going through a similar situation myself my wife worked in a small office for ten years with 1 woman, she now works in a warehouse with about 300 people most of them blokes, she has changed, the old i want more space thing well she gets 2 hours in the afternoon and all day friday to herself, when i spend time with her at night she just falls to sleep on the sofa always tired, early shifts etc, we used to spend a lot of time together but i think a new world has opened up and its possibly just a novelty, in my case she would really dress up and best perfume for a warehouse but that doesnt happen now so if something was manifesting either she got knocked back or she knocked someone back guilt etc, i have given her space and did a lot of crying at the thought of losing my wife, but now i dont go over the top yes romantic gestures but just finding that balance, sometimes too over the top can be worse, i have tried the slightly distant approach not deliberately and she then gets concerned if there is something wrong, i have talked to her calmly and even said to her if she wants to go and let steam off then we will put the marriage on hold and pick it back up when shes ready (sorry if that offends some peole) and i have even asked if she wants a trial seperation but she doesnt, hopefully Charlie its just a novelty however i have done all my crying and not going to do anymore, life is too short.

Good luck