Yet another new plea for help.

[lilac]

Does anyone have any answers as to how I hold myself together with dignity in front of my kids? None of them take crying and being upset very well. I just feel that I will be curled up on the floor crying without end. He wants me to get another job right now.......I can barely manage to carry on with daily tasks!! I depended on him for too much of myself. I don't want to go on like this. I know no one does in the same situation. I just can't see anything ahead but struggle and sadness and being alone. I can't be of any use to my kids. Such a por example of how to manage your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Forever]

Hi Lilac,
If you will consider another perspective, it is this...your husband is NOT the end all for your life, he is not supposed to be positioned as your God...he is just a man. You must turn your attention away from the person your husband has become to you...relinquish him, your future, and your well being into the hands of God. That is where it rightly belongs and always has.

Do you honestly think the Lord is sleeping and unaware of what is happening every moment to you as well as to your husband??? Do you think He gets pleasure in watching you suffer and grovel? Do you think He does not care about the well being of your son even more than you do? Perhaps He just wants you to trust Him. He knows the number of hairs on your head, and is aware of the fall of even one small sparrow. He knows the powers of darkness have your husband in a snare and have captured his soul through selfishness and sin. So NOTHING is slipping past Him. Just because you cannot see Him, and just because this has befallen you does not mean that He is not there...waiting to be your Light in this present darkness.

In the quiet of your room, take the leap of faith and turn your heart to heaven. Tell the Lord that you need Him and His compassion to bring you through this awful fire. Pour out your soul to Him and ask for forgiveness and insight to anything dark that may be happening in your own soul, then ask Him to guide you into the future, calm your broken heart, and give you strength and dignity. He will.

Compassionately yours,
Forever

[im-just-me]

poor lilac, how terrible, i have no idea how things get this way especially when 1 thinks things are good whilst the other is planning a whole new life without the one they supposedly loved once, do they just wake up one day and say hey i dont love you today. its so frustrating when you feel that your feelings arent reciprocated. i just want to shake my husband and say look at what youve got, your going to lose it all...and the worst thing is he doesnt even care.

lilac your husband is selfish and he doesnt know it yet but he is going to come crashing down. he has built up this fantasy in his head of what its going to be like and the reality will be very different, the grass is never greener! i dont know why people feel the need to cheat, if they cannot make it with the one they love or supposedly loved then how can they make it work with anyone else?

maybe a change of work will be good for you, you seem to have a lot of pressure there, working long hours. you will be ok lilac, the one thing i think of is other people have been here, done it, survived it, came out better for it. although it doesnt seem like it now, it does get easier.

dont be afraid to cry in public, let it go, hiding things will make you feel worse, you need the loving support of your family right now. they will help you thriugh it, he will see soon enough how stupid hes being.

you are stronger than you think you are, we are her for you, in it together xxx

[Raymond]

In a way I see it as a blessing that you now have the way out even if it is a push Lilac. You should have no doubts now about what is going on. Having a seperation now will go better for you than having to watch his antics before your eyes.

You did well to confront him even if it revealed the truth of his attitude. Better that than having a false hope about what was happening. I know it is hard for you just now with this full realisation that you now have. It is really time to get away from him. He has already committed adultery in his heart if not in actuality. It is time to look to yourself and no longer depend on him.

There will be life after him I assure you Lilac as Forever has pointed out. Your emotions will gradually heal especially as you submit your life to Him as Forever has mentioned. I'd be straight with your children. They will understand. You don't have to live a lie in front of them.

[lilac]

Thank you im-just-me for your understanding. I know so many others go through this and make it. It's just the "moment-to-moment horror of it all that gets to you at times. The lies and not caring what they do to you, his wife and "best friend" that was. I hope someone shoots me if I ever treat a "friend" this way. ...Yes, I am looking for another job as far away from this one in nature as I can. To many memories of good and bad times connected to my h with this one.
Thank you Raymond. I know there will be a time in the near future when I will "have him to myself" away from everyone else and I will tell him what his behavior means to me and his children. Not that it will matter to him, as focused on his future as he is......but it will mean that I finally speak the truth for myself and my kids about what life with him has meant to us.

[lilac]

Just an added note im-just-me.....
One of the really aggrevating things with my situation is the fact that his plans will no doubt be fruitful for him. He has lied and charmed his way into the heart of his Russian language teacher. I found she gave him a website with very supportive and positive info. on how to meet the most beautiful caring Russian women when he arrives there. The "romance" is apparently freely given and they will "fall in love" with him because that's what young Russian women look for.......older, secure, stable western men with love in their hearts. He can lie straight faced and make you believe anything.......that's why no one here will believe all this. I once said to him "You are so warm and caring to people around you and then when you are at home at times, you can become so angry at the smallest thing. No one out there would believe you were the same person." He smiled and said "That's right....no one woud believe you if you told them what I was like at home." I thought it was just a mean thing to say as we had been disagreeing on things beforehand. How horrific that I now see he meant it. It makes me feel like publicly posting his e mails to these women!!! (I won't as it would only hurt my kids). But I know very few here will believe this all is anything more than the crazy delusional ravings of a wife well left.

[im-just-me]

they cant not believe you, if he does actually leave you and become involved with a russian woman, the evidence will speak for itself. and i completely understand where youre coming from lilac, if my husband leaves, he will only be hurting me and my son, it will be good for him, he can do what he wants, when he wants, work all hours god sends without one complaint. it is frustarting, we are the ones that have been wronged, yet we are the ones trying.

he doesnt deserve you lilac, if he cant see what hes got, and wants to blow it all away for a stupid fantasy, then let him, hes a fool and everyone will know it. i dont know how he thinks that a russian girl will solve all his problems, that he will somehow mystically be happy, he is fooling himself, and we all know why it is so easy to pick up russian/thai women, it is because they want the money, its not love nor will it be. thats not to say all thai/russian women, just ones you meet in this way

[lilac]

Thanks im-just-me.....his silly plan is all for the sake of "I'm tired of being hurt(???) and haven't got to do what I wanted to do in life" (because he married me and had 3 kids). Well I too can think of quite a few dreams I had that were let go but I wanted my family more. There you have it I guess.......he doesn't. He just thinks he'll walk away and "give us a call" now and then as we'll always be in his life. I feel very sad for my kids and for him as I don't feel they will want much to do with him. His choice without thinking about consequences.
The reason picking up a Russian girl will solve his problems is that it wil signify a NEW life so he can toss away the old . New committements can be made and hey......she'll be young and beautiful and full of life and energy!!!! She will complete him and fill his soul with everything he has been missing with me.......it just goes on and on........some day I will laugh sooo hard at this......I can't wait.

[Raymond]

Anyone can see it will not work Lilac. You cannot do the dirty on your wife and expect to be happy with some Russian arrangement. You and I know that but he obviously is naive. If it happens (not saying it will) she will eventually ask questions and see through it all. People have to know the truth normally.

For the moment you need not be concerned with it. You need to look to yourself and to a better life. Yes you can do it. Do not even think that you can't because you can. That is your priority. Try not to be bitter or revengeful as that can affect you badly. You don't want to fall into that hole.

How are you lilac? Has your situation changed at all? I hope that you are ok please let us know.have been thinking of you.

P.s I am ijm x

[Raymond]

Hi Huting. Delete that post now. Got it.

[lilac]

Hello Huting....so very good to hear from you. I dearly hope all is going well for you!
I haven't been on as "things" have been so tumultuous that I found it hard to write about. H and I have talked quite a bit with me taking the lead. Brief summary: He's signed off that "lovely" site for now. But that only means he has chosen the 2 to stay in contact with. We talked about "us" having some sort of chance to "reconnect" so I told him he had to stop "courting" these women. He said OK. (Don't believe it I'm afraid......evidence of dropping 1 from his translated e mail but still smitten by the other). He says it's all just a fantasy but he still plans on going there "just to say hello". Right. One minute he sounds like we have a chance, the next that "he was going to go and do this anyway" if we were together or not.He's been very kind and has done "nice" things, but I hold myself back from feeling like a wife. He bemoans the fact that as bills pour in (hasn't been paid yet for last job) he probably won't have enough to go. Don't believe he won't make it happen soner or later. Sooo....I live day to day, still with hope because miracles do happen right? I still am in counselling and am trying to find out just who I am not in relation to him. I tend to get that "fed up" feeling more often, especialy after a "nice" day as I really can't put much stock in it.
So there you have it..........confused and tired. It won't last forever I know, but the years ahead without him will come soon enough. Please take care of yourself and know much love and support come your way.
Thank you for caring.

[im-just-me]

raymond, that was very rude, i just wanted lilac to know that i am still here for her, i never did anything to hurt you raymond and i am sorry if my husband offended you, but i am not him, i have told him that i will come on here from time to time to help people.

[lilac]

Not to step on anyones toes........
ijm...I appreciate you for the caring person you are. Having your own things to work on and still being willing and available to help others....that says it all for me. There can never be too many people offering help in this maddening life area. Just an "ear" means so much.
All of you are very much held in esteem for taking the time and love to do what you do for others.