Yet another new plea for help.

[chosen]

I agree with Helen in that we have been through tough things, and speaking for myself, having seen and experienced such terrible betrayals and behaviour from many of those around me, I am now at a point where, like Helen, I would NOT stand for any rubbish, cheating, unfaithfullness, deceit or lying from anyone.
Having had my mum kill herslf because of her turning a blind eye to my fathers long affair,and the damage it caused her, I would never do that myself. My second husband (who is a lovely godly and completely faithful man) knows that if he ever did anything like that, the marriage would be over, and if I cheated I wouldnt expect him to take me back either,(though I suspect if I was repentant he would)I doubt I would divorce him, as I am 55,and I really have no interest in any other man, but the marriage would be irretriveably damaged, and I doubt that I could ever have sex again with him.
I know this comes over in my posts because I HATE to see so many taken advantage of and treated so badly .

I suppose there is some of that British bulldog spirit as well, and that strength many of us do seem to find during bad times.

[Raymond]

Most of the suffering on here has been produced by adultery or even mental adultery. In your case Lilac it is the same. He is taken up by these passions for a young Russian bride. It is good for the Russian Translator or agent that she questioned this, him being married. This was surely his opportunity to see the light and ask for your forgiveness which he started on but has now gone back. This shows that he is embroiled in a net of deception and clings to his fantasy, not wanting to see the truth and how it is destroying his family.

At some point your children must know the truth. That has to come but I know you have to pick the time. Keeping up the lie for too long will not help them in the long run. It is better to hear gently and with love from you rather that to suddenly discover it at a later date when the time cannot be picked. I think it is time you took control and shed the mantle of a victim although I know how difficult that is for you.

[Chamomile]

This sounds like a nightmare.
I notice the first post was dated in February.
Are you still thinking of taking him back if he decides to come back to you?
He really sounds like as if he's deep in his delusional thinking...Hang in there! xx

[lilac]

Hello all,
Your thoughts are well received and appreciated. I take hope from your sharing of experiences and eventual healing. I know life is to short to be miserable. I will make my choices with as much knowledge about myself and those around me as possible. I will not kill myself.
Sorry for such brief notes, but am going for my councelling this afternoon and need to "center" myself and my thoughts beforehand. (Takes a little longer some days than others).
Know that I am not sitting in a corner weeping ....thanks to my work with my councellor. I am dealing with this with more strength than I had before, yet it is still ever so hard. Nice to not feel completely shattered ...only some "moments" but can handle them better.
Thank you Helen for the "honourary" Brit offer!! I would be very proud to assume the moniker.....have a ways to go yet before I would feel I had earned it. I'm still finding my way!!
I must go prepare for my appt. Love and caring thoughts to you all.

[Raymond]

Good for you Lilac. I hope that it went well. You seem to be getting a little strength at last which is great news. You will definitely make it now I feel. Why sit in the place of affliction for nothing?