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Old 22nd February 2010, 04:06 PM   #1
arcos
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A New Chapter....

It has been a while since I posted here, not for one reason in particular but many factors that have been occupying my time.

So I thought is was about time I said hi again to some old friends and maybe some new?

A quick update of events since my last post....

Nothing new from my ex apart from the usual BS and silly games.

The court date in January regarding custody was a disaster! Prior to the hearing I tried to come to an amicable agreement with my ex, through the lawyers, so that we could settle and without having to spend more time and money on this. I offered to drop my case for full custody IF she would agree to me having the boys Friday through to Monday inclusive. This was rejected out of hand by her lawyer. The resulting hearing finished with me having less access to the children! Despite the fact that it was ME who put this into court for reasons mentioned in previous posts. Both my lawyer and I felt that the judge did not even review the case properly and simply went on what my ex wanted, which, by the way, was for me to have NO access at all!!

I suppose I should be grateful that I have the boys every other week on those grounds!

So now it goes to a full hearing with me fighting for full custody, my ex does not want this to happen and has since suggested that we find another way. I do not believe that she is capable of any amicable agreements so a full hearing it will be.

Me only seeing the boys every other week has had a negative effect on them. They are far less responsive and less disciplined. My only hope is that my ex does come to her senses and come to an agreement prior to the full hearing as this is going to be horrible for everyone, particularly her!

On a positive note, after 9 months I have met a lovely lady! I have known of her for nearly 3 years but we have never actually met. A chance meeting in a cafe and an sms from her asking me for a drink has resulted in a very nice, gentle, 'relationship' occurring. We have spent many hours talking about everything with no holds barred. It has been a revelation for me to be able to talk properly about 'stuff' about 'things'. I havent talked so much in several years!!

Despite the hard times that I have experienced over these past months it shows that there is hope. Hope for everyone. Inspite of the barriers that I have put up over recent months to stop the 'intrusion' of the opposite sex and to try and focus my energies on the children she has come into my life and lifted my spirits enormously!

I have been in a bad place, mentally and emotionally for some time and I wish that this little story gives hope to anyone who finds themselves in a bad situation with their relationship.

Perhaps my acceptance of my own situation opened me up to be accepting of someone coming into my life? I don't know but what I do know is that this lady has been kind, caring, understanding and open with me. She has given me a psychological boost a physical energy to start putting things right in my life, getting myself back on track!

I wish everyone hope and a little luck!
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Old 23rd February 2010, 11:13 PM   #2
Ageing Grace
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 738
Re: A New Chapter....

Arcos, I'm so pleased you have a new friend and are starting to feel more optimistic. What a pity you have to go through so much to finalise your divorce & childcare - though it's good to see that you are now focused & dealing with it.

Good luck with everything! Thanks for updating

AG x
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Old 24th February 2010, 01:33 PM   #3
jellybean28
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Re: A New Chapter....

Hi Arcos

Thanks for updating. Glad you have found a new friend,

As for the problems with your ex and custody, I hope that things work out for you. I will be sending positive vibes your way (and to the judge).

xxxxJB
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Old 24th February 2010, 07:08 PM   #4
arcos
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Re: A New Chapter....

Thanks AG and JB28!

It's funny(?) after writing this update I started hearing some pretty nasty gossip about me again. The strength from my new lady helps deal with this BS! But now it is also implicating a third person who is totally unconnected and innocent in all of this, a REAL friend. And then only last evening I hear these stories and BS from this friend and they are VERY upset about it all!

It appears that I am having a relationship with this person and the whole world knows about it, except me and my friend!!! Worse still these stories are coming from a person who really knows nothing! I mean really nothing!!

Today, I and my new lady have had to deal with this with my/our friend and put our full support behind her.

Fortunately, because I have been very open and honest with my new lady and told her everything, warts and all, she is not troubled by these rumours and gossips.

It is just so frustrating!!

This weekend just past I had the boys and made a very gentle introduction to my new lady. It was done with great care, in familiar surroundings for the boys and with other children and friends on hand. It was only for an afternoon but it went very well, perhaps too well! On Monday morning the boys were full of her name and I decided to send an email to my ex telling her that I was in a relationship and that the boys had met her over the weekend. I also said that I hoped that now the stupid gossip and rumours would now end!!

Was this the right thing to do? I don't know but I felt that it was important to a) assure my ex that the boys are and always will be number 1 in my life and that I will always take their feelings first above all others and b) to try and stop her spreading so much BS about me and now about others also associated with me.

Well, things are starting to look up and I hope that they continue in the same vein for many months/years to come.

I hope that all of my friends here and people who are in bad situations at the moment can find the strength to work through these dark days. There is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel, it is just sometimes a very long tunnel!!
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