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Old 11th October 2009, 09:16 AM   #1
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Unhappy wedding place please help..

i have a problem regarding to the place where to get married. i am a born again christian and my wife is catholic. we took a civil wedding before i left in the philippines last feb 2008 and we are planning to have a church wedding. but since my wife is catholic and i am born again christian, i just want to know if there is no problem if we take the wedding in the catholic church. because all i want is to make my wife happy and to prove to her that i really love her. but i am thinking if this will affect my relationship to God if i take the wedding in the catholic church.
Please advice...
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Old 22nd October 2009, 02:10 PM   #2
Ageing Grace
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 738
Re: wedding place please help..

Hi, Jerubbaal

Congratulations on your marriage!

I'm afraid it may be difficult for you to have your wedding in the catholic church. The vatican takes marriage very seriously in terms of its holy significance. You would be required to be confirmed into the Roman Catholic faith (this would be a problem for you as you would have to renounce your church), take the sacraments and maybe even attend classes in the catchecism. Some people do go through all this to keep their spouse happy, but for you it would throw up a conflict between your chosen church and the roman one.

Since your wife doesn't seem to be aware of these issues, I assume she's not very active within her church. Even she may find the amount of church involvement too heavy! I know of several catholic couples who decided not to marry in their own church for those reasons.

If either of you have been divorced you cannot marry in a catholic church, no matter how many rituals you submit to.

How to get round this? Well, I have known catholic churches that are less strict - but they were in South America! I don't know if there would be catholic churches in the Philippines that are similarly lax? It might be worth looking into ...

In the UK, the Church of England (C of E) tends to be more flexible and less pushy. As you can have a lovely white wedding in a beautiful old church, with the traditional service and less of the hassle, it is the popular choice here. The 'high' version of C of E - Anglican - is far more like catholicism, and comes with many of the same conditions, but would not require your conversion.

You probably know that certain requirements have to be fulfilled before you can marry in an English church (I can't speak for other countries). You have to publish banns at the related church where you live, and there must be a residential connection to the church where you marry. Most C of E churches will stretch a few points, but you absolutely must discuss all of this with the vicar or priest, and follow the requirements s/he specifies.

I hope this is some help and am sorry it's not as simple as you'd hoped.
Be happy together!

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Old 22nd October 2009, 08:07 PM   #3
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Re: wedding place please help..

Hi AG...

The couple with one, who is part of another church (not Catholic), can marry in the church, by a priest BUT the marriage is done symbolically OUTSIDE the altar rail AND the one, not Catholic, must go through a short course about the church. He does not have to alter his faith if he is a member of any other religious faith. He can practice where he will. He just needs to take a few classes in understanding the beliefs held by the Catholic church about marriage and any children born of that union.
In fact, one of the admonishments to this course is a promise he must make that if a child is born of the marriage the child will be brought up Catholic. In other words, this spouse will never be an impediment to the Catholic partner to practice the faith.

I was married this way years ago to my first husband...later divorced. I continued as a Catholic but as a divorced person I could never receive sacraments with my children at mass. It was, for that reason, I left this faith. My children were made to feel I was "unworthy" and here I was supporting tuition for parochial schools. I was worthy to sign the checks but not take sacraments. This has since been changed through the years and divorced may recieve sacraments under some provisions. I am no longer familiar with this .

I also felt that the number of my family was a personal choice and disagreed with the mandate on birth control. Yes, I know about the other "methods." Far be it for me to play russian roulette on supporting a child born unintended. I remember several families in school with me who had eight or more children. That seemed a bit excess to me for comfort.

It is true that when the woman is Catholic, and the husband is not..she is less likely to remain in her church. She generally defers to the husband in this matter. When the husband is Catholic, then stats say it is more likely he remains firm in his church. The wife will either go or not go with him but there is less conflict. The ideal is always that we share belief and common interests and there is less problem in one more area of life. After all, we argue over spaghetti or mexican and that seems enough, dosen't it?

Your advise as always is faultless, humerous and on level with a doctorate in psychiatry..doubtless from your exposure to all the disciplines as you have journeyed to understanding yourself and others. Generally, I don't pipe in on religious issues... as I am not such a practicing anything these days... but this one I had personal data.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 24th October 2009 at 10:15 AM.
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Old 23rd October 2009, 10:36 PM   #4
Ageing Grace
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 738
Re: wedding place please help..

Thanks, 1AOKgal!

I didn't realise there was an alternative method of marrying in a catholic church - the people I asked must have not realised they could do it without his having to be confirmed. That will be quite a relief to the OP, I suspect

Does that mean the bride can't take the sacrament at her wedding, or does she nip up to the altar in a quiet moment?!

(Perhaps they do a de-consecrated doggy bag for the groom )

Good to hear from you, lovely.
AG x
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Old 24th October 2009, 10:33 AM   #5
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Re: wedding place please help..

The bride can have brunch at the altar if she chooses!

She continues to receive her sacraments as she always has in mass before. The Catholic church lost REAMS of the faithful over just such issues. The numbers don't lie as many left the church over inflexible rules.

That is how protestant religions began many from priests who left and began a relaigion pseudo catholic with rites and similar but not those strong dictates and priests who left to other faiths could also marry.

The Holy Father, the pope, rethought some harsh rules and they made it not a the partner (non-Catholic) must still agree children born of the marriage will be raised Catholic.At least the couple don't need to go to a magistrate. city hall or official to marry.

My mother (divorced woman) waited over two years for papal dispensation to "forgive" her first marriage so she could marry offiicially INSIDE the Catholic altar rail to husband #2 when she became Catholic. She was the mother of two children, including myself. It seems the first marriage didn't count in the eyes of the church as it was non-sanctioned and done outside the Catholic church. Both she and my father were not Catholic.

They married.....her 2nd husband in civil ceremony..and remarried later inside the altar rail symbollically acceptance of the Catholic church when they got this permission to do so. So instead of baptism as a baby..I was baptized about 5 yars old. Although I understand had I died ..according to faith, doubtless I would have wandered and never gotten to heaven. You see, I have been in trouble all my life over such technicalities.

Miss interfacing with you AG and hope you light is not hidden under a barrel as they say in US. Hope you are getting out there and mixing.
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Old 24th October 2009, 02:09 PM   #6
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Re: wedding place please help..

Wow how complicated Religion can make things.

Jerubbaal you said you wanted to show your wife how much you love her by having a catholic service. Is it really important to her to repeat her vows in a Catholic Church?
Please don't get me wrong I'm not critizing you, infact I think what you're doing shows how much you do love her. I'm sure that there are other churches you could get married in, which may be less stressful for you.

Congratulations and may you find joy and happiness whatever you both decide
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