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Old 15th July 2016, 09:41 PM   #1
congybl8229
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My husband had 8-year-long affair with my mother. Not coping with this at all.

Earlier today, my husband told me he had a big confession to make. I've been with him since I was 19, we live in West London, met when we were students in uni.

He told me straight out that he'd been having an affair with my mum since November 2007, said that it began as a sex thing, then developed into a full-on relationship.

We have an 11-year-old daughter and she's going to high school in September.

I felt angry and appalled, wished he was joking, but he was deadly serious when he told me, said he was leaving me for her, and then said that she wanted to be stepmum to our daughter. He even admitted he'd married me to get access to her. What the heck does he mean by that?

No way will I allow this, I thought.

I'm going to have to divorce him, and it'll be painful, I've been with him since I was 19, that's 15 years we've been together now, we've been married since 2002.

I feel like my marriage was a sham. I lvoe my husband really love him but can't cope.

My husband is usually open about things, he moans about politics, local news and other things, even the recent Brexit thingy, but isn't a grumpy old man. He is a good dad to our daughter and they have a good bond, she likes golf and Formula 1 like my husband and he enjoys helping her with her homework.

I'm worried about the whole thing, what should i do now? Confront my mum over this, when do I tell my dad? (I worry he'd have a heart attack if he knew?)

I need help and quickly. What do I do next??

Confused saddened and upset.
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Old 16th July 2016, 12:00 AM   #2
chosen
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Re: My husband had 8-year-long affair with my mother. Not coping with this at all.

Wow unbelievable that both your husband and own mother have betrayed you like this. I am so sorry. Your dad will have to know, especially if they are planning to be together, and no, she cant be your childs step mum, she is supposed to be her grandmother for goodness sake. They are devastating so many people, how completely and utterly selfish especially to have both lied and cheated all these years.

I know you are in shock, but you need to get legal advise, and if I were you, ask for advise about making sure that he is never allowed to ever take your daughter to his house if she is living there.
You will need to allow him to see your child for her sake, and you will need to be strong for her, but that will be hard for you. Do whatever you have to do for yourself and you child, get the best financial deal that you can.

I dont suppose that you will want to have contact with her after this, and thats not surprising, did you see much of your parents?

Do you have other siblings that you get on with? if so you could talk to them. if not a friend? Did he say when he is leaving and where they will live?Did he say if she is going to tell your dad? Is he still at home?if so you may want to tell him to go now.
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Old 16th July 2016, 12:39 AM   #3
congybl8229
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Re: My husband had 8-year-long affair with my mother. Not coping with this at all.

I see my parents almost every other weekend, they live together, from what my husband said he wanted to get some sort of towerblock flat with my mum, I'll be honest here, it's scaring me and sickening me thinking about it.

He also admitted to me that he'd bought my mum a Pink Soda Sport crop top from a JD Sports branch and asked my mum to send him sexy selfies, he showed me the sexy selfies of my mum wearing the crop top. The top looks like this: image link.

I have three sisters; one lives near Edinburgh, one is up in Birmingham (she moved there for work) and my other sister's by Hertfordshire near the home counties. How I'll tell them I don't know and I'm worried they won't believe me, we have an incredibly close bond.

My husband didn't say when he is leaving but did say about wanting to live in a tower block with her, isn't that an odd choice for people in an affair, this subject is something I have little understanding of, I honestly thought "it's all pretty good in our relationship.".

The biggest shock was his admission that he married me to gain access to her, and admitting that he wants to marry her in the future. with him being her toyboy/cougar/whatever.

You said about legal advice... what sort of legal advice? Where does the marriage thing come into it legally, isn't it illegal to marry your former mother-in-law?

Also... as for my daughter, how and when do I tell her about this?

thanks for your help so far.
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Old 16th July 2016, 02:41 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: My husband had 8-year-long affair with my mother. Not coping with this at all.

By legal advise I mean go to a solicitor who works in divorce and family law. Tell him/her the situation and see what they say and what advise they give.
I am pretty sure its not illegal to marry an inlaw, you are not related by blood. Its pretty sick and immoral though.

Did he say when she will tell your dad and other children?Presumably they have agreed to both tell your respective partners?
Keep any proof you have so that you can send it to your siblings if they doubt you. Really she should tell your dad and your siblings, but if she doesnt you may need to. I am so sorry its a horrible situation for you, not only loosing your husband but it will break up your family. I am sure that you, your children, your dad and siblings can stay close though but she is risking loosing all of you.

He has acted terribly, what a horrible thing to do, where are his moral values? If he were my husband he would be gone, the locks would be changed and his stuff in sacks on the front lawn.
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Old 16th July 2016, 07:31 PM   #5
Raymond
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Re: My husband had 8-year-long affair with my mother. Not coping with this at all.

Seems like your husband and your mother have stuck the knife in. You will have to divorce as how can their be a marriage after this? I think your mother will live to regret it. You have to try and come out of this whole without bitterness as that could have a bad effect on you for the rest of your life.
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