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Old 18th June 2013, 03:35 PM   #1
Reeso84
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Will my wife love me again

Hi my wife has stated that she is unhappy and that she is moving out to get away from me I don't know what to do!she says she loves me but not the way she should i don't know if she is saying these things because she is angry and just needs some time away she has said she doesn't want a divorce I haven't really done nothing bad but she has said she thought that I was not in love with her and that I was ashamed of her because we didn't go out much as a couple she is the love of my life I've tried saying to her that ill change everything she didn't like about me and us as a couple but she won't give me the chance and when I try to talk about us she gets angry!!she felt neglected and said she had been feeling like this for months but being the typical bloke I didn't notice and I feel lol such a idiot I truly love my wife and I'm devastated that she might never want me again she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't know what to do I fear once she has moved out she will not miss me and what we had together I think about it everyday and I can't get out of the sad feeling at the moment I would do anything to be with my wife again but at the moment I don't know where I stand!its the most heartbreaking feeling in the world watching the love of my life walking away and it feels like I can't do anything to change her mind I look at her and it is like I don't know her.is there anybody that has been through something similar to help me understand what my wife is feeling,thank you
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Old 18th June 2013, 06:27 PM   #2
Raymond
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Re: Will my wife love me again

I haven't been through it Rees but it sounds as if she never felt that you loved her although you did. Like a lot of men you hadn't learned to communicate the love you felt for her in a way that she could recognise. Women are complicated to us. Her love has waned because she believed you did not love her.

Love is number one lesson for a man in marriage and a man has to find many ways to express it.

Sometimes knowing her prime love language helps. This can be Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service or with some Touch (apart from sex)., One of these might be her love language and if that is missing she might not feel loved in that special way even though you love her. I know it takes work but maybe this is an opportunity for you to learn a little bit more about that subject? Of course we should love all round but we should also find out their individual perceptions of experiencing love in a special way. With my wife it is touch. Without that it is hard for her to feel loved in a special way.

I hope it is not too late but you need to find some way of expressing love to her, not particularly as a one off just to get her back. She needs some proof of a change as she has got discouraged it seems and doesn't believe your words when you say you can change. Opportunities will come which you need to use when they arise. Put any wrong fear away as that will only hinder things and can be interpreted as just selfishness. Try and be sensitive and outgoing when you need to be. Also honour her in front of others as opposed to letting her think you are ashamed of her.
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Old 18th June 2013, 07:21 PM   #3
Reeso84
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Re: Will my wife love me again

I've tried to talk to her about our situation but she won't let me show her the love I have and let me be her husband I don't know if we can work our problems living apart I've written her a letter telling her everything that I love about her and my love for her and telling her that I want to be with her for the rest ov my life I have asked her to read it when she thinks she can and not to just throw it away I don't know if that is the right thing to do but I can't keep bottling up my emotions!
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Old 19th June 2013, 08:36 AM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Will my wife love me again

I think it was an okay thing to do. At least she knows you love her.

Do you think there is another man involved?
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Old 20th June 2013, 04:32 PM   #5
Reeso84
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Re: Will my wife love me again

I don't think there's anybody else I know she has been under a lot of stress lately and I'm thinking that she wants to away from everything for a while I haven't been there when she wanted me to be I realise that now she wants her independence back and she wants to be on her own with our daughter for a while to see if she can cope she's very insecure at the moment and needs to do this for herself I'm just thinking if she is so stressed that she is taking it out on me as in the closest person to her it's very confusing we still sleep in the same bed and hug and kiss I can't get my head around it I love her dearly and it's very hard watching her pack her things and going I don't see much of her and it breaks my heart the woman I love and have for the last 8 years and I don't regonise her at the moment she's very distant when were are in the house together but she still wants cuddles and kisses when we are in bed at night
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Old 20th June 2013, 08:15 PM   #6
Raymond
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Re: Will my wife love me again

You need to hang in there Rees. We don't know what she is going through although it seems to be that she didn't feel loved and has therefore cooled towards you.

It is interesting that she still want kisses and cuddles in bed. Hopefully she will miss that and any other expressions of love you are learning to give.

I think maybe she is not able to receive your love completely as she feels she has been starved of it and has practically given up. I think you will need to learn to express your love over a period using whatever opportunities you get. I don't think this is going to be suddenly fixed. If a child has been starved he will not be able to suddenly eat a meal straight away. He would have to feed on a little bit by bit to gradually get his appetite back. Same with her in the area of love. You are on a learning curve just now and maybe need to change the way you operate. Keep loving and keep learning to express your love to her in ways that are personal to her. Don't swamp her suddenly as she won't believe it and will think you are doing it just to keep her there.
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Old 21st June 2013, 07:10 PM   #7
Reeso84
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Re: Will my wife love me again

Yes I'm not giving up on my marrige it feels like my wife is but I know she is very confused at the moment and she's in a bad place!she does not believe me when I say I love her and will change the things she dislikes about our marriage once she moves out which will be next week it will give her the space she needs to evaluate if she will miss me or she would rather be on her own she is very insecure at the moment and thinks if something happened to me she thinks that she would not be able to cope looking after my daughter with interference from my family which I find very strange and it doesn't make any sense to me it's very tough at the moment I love my wife very much but I feels like she doesn't care anymore!
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Old 22nd June 2013, 12:11 PM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Will my wife love me again

Obviously she doesn't believe it when you say you love her with words. She wants to see it in the way you behave long term. Everyone is different. I would say she wants proof rather than words. Learning a little about the Five Languages of Love will likely help you here. Do you even know what her prime love language is? Don't just stop at seeing if she will miss you when you leave. Plan to make the changes long term. For her happiness sake as much as anything. You will get the love back with interest if you invest wisely and sincerely.
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Old 24th June 2013, 02:28 PM   #9
Reeso84
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Re: Will my wife love me again

Yes I'm trying but I don't see how she will notice if we live apart I'm really scared that once she is gone its over for ever I love her very much and I don't want to lose her I get on great with her and her family nobody wants us to break up she says she needs this space and she's moving tomorrow I don't know what to do on my own ill still see her a lot because of our daughter my daughter has picked up on this as she always says she loves mammy and daddy and I don't know if when we are not living together my daughter will get upset and that my wife will realise that we make things work for the better I really don't know how to handle everything at the moment it's very hard!
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Old 25th June 2013, 08:24 AM   #10
Raymond
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Re: Will my wife love me again

You will still have communication with her through your daughter Rees. She said she doesn't want a divorce. There will still be opportunities to show you really love her and are not ashamed of her before others. You have to be imaginative here. I think there will be opportunities whilst also respecting her space of course. You have to settle it in your mind as to how you are now going to behave and use every little opportunity you have to convey to her that you love her in practical ways.
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