Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 10th July 2009, 09:32 AM   #1
Brian's walk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 5
Please Pray for my Marraige

I really do not know where to begin. I met and married my wife believing that she was a Christian. She has behaved so badly and with total dis-regard for the teachings of the Bible. She is an only child and has a very domineering mother who is a non believer. Her mother treats her father in a terrible manner and has no respect for this placid and loyal gentleman. Instead of my wife treating our marriage as a Christian one she tries to replicate the one that she had learnt from her childhood. She has Committed Adultery, told Lies Under Oath, been violent to me and our children on many occasions and many many other hurtfull and damaging things. She has never said sorry os expressed any remorse for anything, often blaming others for her behaviour. The last time she beat me up and took a piece of wood to me, I tried to get her to appoligise for her behaviour and after asking several times, five hours later in desperation to get her to see that there is no exscuse for violence I called the Police. Since then she has only resented me for this, and a few months on still has not said sorry. I truly Love her and I do understand that she has been damaged by her mother, but Christ can heal those things if she would only let him in. I am not feeling able to cope with the constant struggle and dis-harmony for much longer, I have had other things to cope with this last two years including Berevement. God has helped me along this path a lot, but sometimes I despair and even doubt my faith in Him. My wife and I have been Blessed with three Wonderfull children but they are getting old enough to be shaped by her in ways that are not the ways that they need to. I want the Joy, Peace and Harmony that Christ wants to give our Marriage. Please find some time if you can to Pray for my wife and I and our children. Yours Sincerely in Christ. Brian
Brian's walk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2009, 12:37 PM   #2
crush
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

Hi,
I have read your thread but don't think I will be able to offer much support, you obviously have very strong religious beliefs. However, in any marriage christian or other violence should be be seen. You sound like you have been together for many years and from the sound of it this has been happening over time.
For her to have committed adultery means you must be a very forgiving person and maybe that is down to religious beliefs. Nobody deserves to be treated like a dog and I find it very hard to understand how you could still have love for someone who treats you so very badly.
I don't know and please do not take offense but is your w rebelling against your beliefs as surely they cannot be hers or she would not behave in this way. She cannot accept your religion and maybe uses it against you.
I don't think you will find the joy, peace or harmony you are seeking whilst you remain in this volatile relationship. This is not to say it cannot be mended with maybe councelling or some other approach. You really need to talk to her to find out what she wants out of life as it does sound that it is not the same as you.
Sorry I know this is not much help but do hope you find the peace you seek.
  Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2009, 01:45 PM   #3
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

I’ve never heard of a case like this on here before where a wife beats her husband with a bit of wood. I just can’t imagine the scenario. Crush may have a point in that she may be feeling convicted because of your faith and is rebelling against it? The other probability is that she has inherited this from her mother who you say acts in a similar vein.

You do have grounds for divorce if you wanted it because of the adultery but you seem to want to work through this and pray she is converted. There are no guarantees in that as everyone has a God given freewill.

I really think you need to stand up to her when she gets violent as you are a man. The children would feel you are their protector. What do they feel when this happens? I feel she controls and manipulates you and you cannot let that happen in my view. You mustn’t give in to her on this. Nothing to do with not loving her. Do you suffer from passivity? There is no room for that in the Christian life.

The other thing is that you need to be in a strong fellowship where you can be built up and be encouraged that you may seek God for the wisdom and strength you need here. You really need to stand up here, not least for the sake of your children.

Raymond
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2009, 01:49 PM   #4
Brian's walk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 5
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me about this. To have shared my feelings and for you to reply has helped.
I supose that I have put up with this treatment for two main reasons.

Firstly, I have always believed that God brought us together, I cannot think that He would do this for it all to end in a bad way.

Secondly, I feel that my wife has been damaged by her mother very badly, when she was younger she suffered from Anorexia, at one point she weighed less than 5 stones and the Doctors told her parents that she had only days to live. She had told me that she thought that she wanted to be as different from her mother as posible, her mother was and is very obese.
She also told me that her mother had spoilt every relationship that she had had, she had many. Her mother has certainly tried to destroy our relationship and marriage from the start. She is an extremly controling person.

I suppose that what I am saying is that I understand a lot about why she is the way she is, but I have tried to help her for such along time (we have been married for 13 years) and it has been more than hard.

I think that Jesus was able to Love people that most of us could not because He understands why we are the way we are. He is able to heal all people, but only if they let him. I often think that He does not help at times when I myself have fallen short. And I have also let myself drift away from Him not even bothering to Pray at times.

I have tried hard to Love her mother and have forgiven her so many times for the cunning and manipulitive way she has tried to have my wife and our children all to herselfand under her full control. Her mother is the way she is perhaps because of her upbringing and of course she is not a Christian.

I do not expect anyone to spend their time replying to my complex problems, but please, if you can, do remember my wife Natalie, Myself, our marriage and family in your Prayers.

Thank you and God Bless you all, In Christ, Brian.
Brian's walk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2009, 02:27 PM   #5
Brian's walk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 5
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

Thank you Crush and Raymond, I did not get Raymonds reply till after my second post.
You asked if I suffer from Passivity, I do not think I do I have told her that I will not be made into her father and I should be respected as the leader of our Marriage, this is not some need I have to dominate and dictate (this is what my wife tries to do all the time), but this is what The Bible teaches us.
Yes I do think that my wife is rebelling, but I am not shure if this is against me or God or both.

How do I feel when she is violent. That last attack that I mentioned included her grabing me by the testicles and pulling me about like this, tearing my shirt and saying some very hurtfull things to me.

I felt so hurt that I cannot explain, I have Loved her so much and this only makes it hurt more, perhaps if I was able to hate her it would be different. There have been times when I wanted to hit her back, but I am gratefull that I have not. I know how Jesus treated with Love the people that hurt him wrongly in so many ways. In fact I feel that I got a deeper understanding of some of those feelings that He sufferd for us, not least of all must have been the very deep feeling of injustice.

Getting all this out has been upsetting but helpfull to me and I sincerely thank you both, I have to get composed and ready to collect our children from school now so I have to go for now.

God Bless you both, you have helped me very much.
In Christs Love,

Brian
Brian's walk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2009, 04:13 PM   #6
MSC71
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

what are you doing to piss her off so bad? What triggers her doing this?
  Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2009, 04:18 PM   #7
LT83
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

Friend,

From someone who also has a strong conviction in faith and his religion, maybe God didnt bring you together, maybe the warning signs were there for you and you didnt see them?

This may be a sign for you to take the hard but required steps to improve your life and those around you by protecting your happiness, and the happiness of the children.

If you are the gentleman you say you are, she will realise what she has lost, but only when she has lost it.

Good Luck and peace be upon you
  Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2009, 06:07 PM   #8
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

Brian I cannot believe that God led you into this marriage. That is almost an afront against God in my book. Your marriage is not glorifying God by any stretch of the imagination. Doesn't the bible say be not unequally yoked with unbelievers? I think you have a problem in imagining yourself like christ and being beaten up. I think you have a masochistic deception there. Jesus was never beaten up in His life until the appointed time prophesied many times in the scriptures when He would die for the sins of the world and to give us abundant life. No one took his life he laid it down of himself at the appointed time.

Maybe you are right not to hit back in hate but you certainly need to take some physical control even for the sake of your children.

Also you have to resist the control of your mother in law and your wife needs to as well if she wants to be free. There is no alternative there. The spirit of control is quite powerful and you must resist it.

You need proper spiritual counsel beyond the scope of this site I think. There are unseen things going on here which you need to discern and pray against.

Raymond
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th July 2009, 11:27 PM   #9
j92cool
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 183
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

Dear Brian. I don't pray much as I am a lapsed catholic however if I was going to pray for anyone it would be for you to find the strength to do what is right for you.

I do not believe that god would lead you to such a marriage. Your wife sounds like she needs mental health care.
j92cool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th July 2009, 10:52 PM   #10
Johnee S
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 199
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

Brian LT83 is on the button here, can you truthfully and honestlybelive god brought the both of you together for this life? No man or woman should ever undergo such abuse and adultry to top it off. I am sorry to hear this and I can only offer you this.

Take a break from her and focus on yourself. I do believe in God and jesus but I'm not a true christian. My life has been filled with too many disappointments and destruction. However I do believe we attract what we focus on, we are what we think and feel. Can you honestly continue to live this life with your Wife or can you find someone better and more commited to your faith and interests? Do you really think this woman is a good role model and mother to your children? How has her behaviours affected them? Where do they stand in all of this?
__________________
Johnee

Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that the other feels the same.
Johnee S is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th July 2009, 01:28 AM   #11
Ageing Grace
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 738
Re: Please Pray for my Marraige

Hello, Brian

I don't know whether you're still watching your thread, or if there have been further developments. If you are still here, I'd like to say that no marriage involving violence is good! Obviously, you know that - but how to handle your dilemma?

First and foremost, a marriage is a partnership not a sacrifice! The scriptures don't tell us whether Jesus and Mary were married (there was no official recognition in those days) but they do tell us that she washed his feet and he washed hers. The washing of feet, at that time, was a symbolic act of service and not to be taken lightly.

So, the scriptures are saying that Jesus formed, with Mary, a pairing of mutual service & respect
That's not a bad description of the minimum basics in a marriage.

When you felt that god called you to your wife, it could have meant 2 things:
possibility 1: There was a basic, chemical & psychological, pull between you.
With or without divine intervention, this is what happens to us all at times. There's a reason why "Fatal Attraction" stays on the best-seller lists! The very difficult part is figuring out whether your 'fatal attraction' is based on mutually helpful patterns or otherwise.
possibility 2: You were called by god, as an agent of positive change in your wife's existence
From what you've posted here, you have already provided positive change.
Did god also require you to sacrifice your own mental health & physical well-being to the cause? If so ... why would that be?
... Is she destined for sainthood, and you are an agent of her perfection?
How many saints can you name, who pursued their cause by vilifying their supporters??

I'm afraid that the call you heard, to marry the woman who is now your wife, was a case of honest-to-goodness fancying her! Falling in love is a god-given thing, if you like - and it is a gift given more than once

If you get it wrong the first time, there will be other chances.

Your service to your wife does include trying to help her through her difficulties. Please don't forget, also, that her service to you includes (even demands) simple respect & consideration. Leaving the scriptures aside for a moment, the international agreement on fundamental human rights includes the right "to be treated with respect" and the right "to live without fear".

At the very least, you owe it to yourself and the only life you have on this planet, to respect yourself and regain your joy in the life you've been given.

You may choose to try & pursue a path towards civilisation with your wife, or you may choose to let her find her own way - whichever, be sure you can find support & many forms of counsel here

Good luck, and don't get hit again!

AG
Ageing Grace is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:53 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2024 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer