Hello, Brian
I don't know whether you're still watching your thread, or if there have been further developments. If you are still here, I'd like to say that no marriage involving violence is good! Obviously, you know that - but how to handle your dilemma?
First and foremost, a marriage is a partnership not a sacrifice! The scriptures don't tell us whether Jesus and Mary were married (there was no official recognition in those days) but they do tell us that she washed his feet and he washed hers. The washing of feet, at that time, was a symbolic act of service and not to be taken lightly.
So, the scriptures are saying that Jesus formed, with Mary, a pairing of mutual service & respect
That's not a bad description of the minimum basics in a marriage.
When you felt that god called you to your wife, it could have meant 2 things:
possibility 1: There was a basic, chemical & psychological, pull between you.
With or without divine intervention, this is what happens to us all at times. There's a reason why "Fatal Attraction" stays on the best-seller lists! The very difficult part is figuring out whether your 'fatal attraction' is based on mutually helpful patterns or otherwise.
possibility 2: You were called by god, as an agent of positive change in your wife's existence
From what you've posted here, you have already provided positive change.
Did god also require you to sacrifice your own mental health & physical well-being to the cause? If so ... why would that be?
... Is she destined for sainthood, and you are an agent of her perfection?
How many saints can you name, who pursued their cause by vilifying their supporters??
I'm afraid that the call you heard, to marry the woman who is now your wife, was a case of honest-to-goodness fancying her! Falling in love is a god-given thing, if you like - and it is a gift given more than once
If you get it wrong the first time, there will be other chances.
Your service to your wife does include trying to help her through her difficulties. Please don't forget, also, that her service to you includes (even demands) simple respect & consideration. Leaving the scriptures aside for a moment, the international agreement on fundamental human rights includes the right "to be treated with respect" and the right "to live without fear".
At the very least, you owe it to yourself and the only life you have on this planet, to respect yourself and regain your joy in the life you've been given.
You may choose to try & pursue a path towards civilisation with your wife, or you may choose to let her find her own way - whichever, be sure you can find support & many forms of counsel here
Good luck, and don't get hit again!
AG