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Old 27th May 2010, 01:52 PM   #16
nojoy
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

I agree to what you said Raymond, I have sincerely thought about these questions but found NO tangible explanations or answers that can satisfy my wife. Why i did what i did is of no consequence now, and that i cannot change the past and am sorry for my misconduct but i can only promise about the future. On this am not finding any favors from my wife.
I wrote about physical abuse a bit too soon. It was again repeated last night..And crying with abuses and yelling in front of our daughter. I kept requesting and begging NOT to do this in front of our daughter but she didn't budge. When tried getting out my daughter started crying for me and my wife pushed her out also...
since last night till now tension is very high in the house. My wife now threatens to commit suicide.....
I'm at my wits end now.....my resolution of taking all she can throw is weakening....can't let my daughter grow in this hostile environment....
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Old 27th May 2010, 07:58 PM   #17
Raymond
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

Was you wife prone to unstable behaviour before all this? She does seem to have fallen apart by it all and needs help. Are you able to go to counselling together? It is understandable about being betrayed but there seems to be something more there in my view. I think she needs counselling first on her own and then both of you as a couple. Adultery does happen and it is not a nice thing. However couples can get over it when one is repentant as you have been and when the forgiveness follows. I really think she needs professional help now. All you can do is keep loving her and watching out for her the best you can.

If there was any physical abuse I didn't pick it up, but I agree with Lostwife that it shouldn't be allowed to happen. That isn't healthy for her or you.

Raymond
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Old 28th May 2010, 06:28 AM   #18
nojoy
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

My wife did have emotional issues and has history of very frequent mood swings. Though she will never admit it but she is very moody and highly emotional.
She has been getting physically violent and hits me. I just grab my hands behind my back to prevent any reflex retaliatory action on my part but now i just grab her hands hard and walk out.
Unfortunately my work area is in a remote location where no marriage counselor present. Will have to take leave to go to a city for that.
After yesterdays incident I called up my sister in law and told her the situation. She knows about the whole issue. After talking to her my wife calmed down a bit but again at night she restarted the issue.
I have now started developing serious doubts about the outcome of this as you have rightly pointed out earlier that if she cannot forget and forgive, i don't think its going to work.
I'm now seriously worried about the impact its having on our daughter...
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Old 28th May 2010, 08:40 AM   #19
Raymond
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

How old is your daughter Nojoy?

Is she old enough for you to apologise to her but get accross that you are sorry?

Really the future is in you wife's hands. You have done what you can do. I don't really see what else you can do now. If she wants revenge and won't forgive that will obviously be a dead end.

I would play it out to the end in the hope that she allows herself to heal and find the forgiveness that is need for the marriage to be mended. Perhaps if you went away for a while it might help, might make her think whether she wants to live without you. Whatever you do keep being loving as best you can as that is the genuine fruit of your repentance which one hopes she will see eventually.

Raymond
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Old 28th May 2010, 01:35 PM   #20
nojoy
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

Our daughter is just 2 years 10 months old but i'm concerned that these fights shouldn't leave her scared.
My In-Laws are visiting soon and since morning things are looking much better, she says that she wants to try and work it out....wish me luck.
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Old 28th May 2010, 05:10 PM   #21
Raymond
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

Thats really good Nojoy. You want to make sure that she never regrets it. You are going to need to bear with her until the trust builds up but it is a good start that she wants to try and work it out.

Yes your daughter would have been affected by the type of rows you had. You need to make sure it is not long term and that she gets the comfort and re-assurance that she needs.

Raymond
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Old 3rd June 2010, 02:27 PM   #22
nojoy
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

My in-laws are visiting, things are cool ...for the time being.....hope it stays that way......forever...
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Old 8th June 2010, 12:54 PM   #23
Fairy
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

Elo Nojoy,

I would like to ask you a some questions:

What are the chances of you cheating on your wife again after the storms of this affair wind down?

Was it the only affair you even ever had?


You see men who cheat like you did, have a tendency to do it again ;because it si not just a case of a man who cheated once and admit it to his wife and ask for forgiveness.
You cheated for a WHOLE GOOD 2YEARS and only feel sorry because the other woman screw you perfect plan up.

you are not miserable because your wife is suffering, you are miserable because your life is not as perfect as you wished to be.

My dad did the same 20 something years ago...my mum should have left on the spot....instead of listening to his sweet talks.... she only left him 15 years later after much pain, arguments and yet others uncovered cheatings.
He would just expect my mum to forgive his "mistakes"...he had no respect for her, no respect for women in general...
and I suspect that he had no respect for himself.

He dies last year and my mum is still cursing him.she was standing at his death bed crying out of anger for everything he hid.He died alone having hurt so many people, couldn't even be sincere with himself. So sad.....

I hope for you nojoy that you understand the gravity of your act and what you set out to do with your life.Destroying other people life like that can never benefit you.
Two women are suffering now and a whole trail of life around them...I hope it stops there.

Shalom.

Last edited by Fairy; 8th June 2010 at 11:07 PM.
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Old 8th June 2010, 09:55 PM   #24
Raymond
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

Theres no room for repentance and forgiveness then Fairy?

Raymond
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Old 8th June 2010, 11:06 PM   #25
Fairy
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Theres no room for repentance and forgiveness then Fairy?

Raymond
yes there is, there should be.
I said i hope he understand truly the gavity of his acts not just mere, i am feeling miserable and truly deal with himself and make sure he doesn't continually repeat the same act.
Otherwise , what can you do with a lame reprentance.

unfortunately, not everyone learns to forgive properly as well when they are hurt.it's a whole trail of destruction.
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Old 9th June 2010, 08:39 AM   #26
Raymond
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

I think Nojoy does understand the gravity of it Fairy from my reading of all his posts. I've never seen anyone so repentant on here if you read this thread through. If Mrs Nojopy gets to a place of forgiveness then the marriage can be redeemed in my thinking.

I am sorry about your parents which must colour your view. I have a horror story too of my parents.

Things seem to be looking up a bit so maybe progress might be happening with Nojoys marriage.

Hows your situation Fairy? I was thinking the other day that the truth is in his head but needs to get to his heart and outwards into real life maybe.

Raymond
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Old 9th June 2010, 12:57 PM   #27
Fairy
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
I think Nojoy does understand the gravity of it Fairy from my reading of all his posts. I've never seen anyone so repentant on here if you read this thread through. If Mrs Nojopy gets to a place of forgiveness then the marriage can be redeemed in my thinking.

I am sorry about your parents which must colour your view. I have a horror story too of my parents.

Things seem to be looking up a bit so maybe progress might be happening with Nojoys marriage.

Hows your situation Fairy? I was thinking the other day that the truth is in his head but needs to get to his heart and outwards into real life maybe.

Raymond
Thks, i don't know about my husband but as for me, i am learning that i need to focus on Jesus more and that's what i am doing.
I feel a lot more at peace within and try to enjoy who i am instead of focusing on what my husband doesn't do or does.i have learned somehow that it's between him and God and i don't want to come in the middle.

Thks for asking, Raymond.
blessings.
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Old 9th June 2010, 08:16 PM   #28
Raymond
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

That's wonderful Fairy. We all need to to that. Dwelling too much on the negatives can affect us negatively. How does the prayer go. Give me grace to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. I think a woman's encouragement of the things that are good in her husband go a very long way in shaping him. A very powerful tool.

I like your advice to Morwaul. You have a way about you.

Raymond
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Old 9th June 2010, 11:02 PM   #29
Fairy
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

Thank you too for the time you take to respond to people.
Even while you are busy...
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Old 11th June 2010, 02:18 PM   #30
Fairy
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Re: I cheated on my wife.....feeling miserable

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairy View Post
Elo Nojoy,

I would like to ask you a some questions:

What are the chances of you cheating on your wife again after the storms of this affair wind down?

Was it the only affair you even ever had?


You see men who cheat like you did, have a tendency to do it again ;because it si not just a case of a man who cheated once and admit it to his wife and ask for forgiveness.
You cheated for a WHOLE GOOD 2YEARS and only feel sorry because the other woman screw you perfect plan up.

you are not miserable because your wife is suffering, you are miserable because your life is not as perfect as you wished to be.

My dad did the same 20 something years ago...my mum should have left on the spot....instead of listening to his sweet talks.... she only left him 15 years later after much pain, arguments and yet others uncovered cheatings.
He would just expect my mum to forgive his "mistakes"...he had no respect for her, no respect for women in general...
and I suspect that he had no respect for himself.

He dies last year and my mum is still cursing him.she was standing at his death bed crying out of anger for everything he hid.He died alone having hurt so many people, couldn't even be sincere with himself. So sad.....

I hope for you nojoy that you understand the gravity of your act and what you set out to do with your life.Destroying other people life like that can never benefit you.
Two women are suffering now and a whole trail of life around them...I hope it stops there.

Shalom.
Hi Nojoy,
I am kinda interested to know the answers to my questions:

What are the chances of you cheating again?
what it the only affair you've ever had...


You don't need to reply in any case.it's crucial to understand that your wife might be thinking the same.
What would be your answers then?

in any case, hope everything is going well with your family now...

Fairy
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