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Old 23rd March 2011, 12:06 AM   #46
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Forever, thank you so much for sharing and all your advice. I hurt for you horribly and am praying but it's comforting to know someone understands. By the way, it's previous wives, not wife. I'm number four but please don't hold that against him. I was widowed after 36 years marriage. He came along two and a half years later and was truly a God send. We dated a year, been married two. I hope I haven't colored Jim too horribly. He loves EVERYONE and wants to be special to men and women. He is active in his church, worked with Habitat for Humanities, is a member of the Marine Corps League, etc. He wants to help everyone (not just women) and I know that he's always there for his men friends as much as the women. I realize we might have a serious problem but I don't know how to fix it aside from loving him and praying hard. My daughter sent me an interesting questionnaire about opposite sex friendships though if anyone is interested: http://www.marriagemissions.com/20-q...s-in-marriage/
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Old 23rd March 2011, 09:47 AM   #47
chosen
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

jims darling
If your husband has been divorced 3 times there will almost certainly be a reason for that.
Do you know why his first 3 marriages failed? Do you know any of his ex wives? I suspect that it was partly his flirting behaviour, which is very wrong, and very hurtful for any spouse, that contributed towards their demise. I think you are VERY brave marrying a man to be his 4th wife, I couldnt do it.
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Old 23rd March 2011, 11:50 AM   #48
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

You'd have to know Jim. I haven't known andy of his wives but he married the first when he was 17 because she was pregnant. They had a really bad marriage but he stayed with her til the kids were grown. Even his kids don't have much to do with her. We have many friends who knew the second and third one who aren't friends with the wives any more. They tell me both women were a bit on the crazy side. They have all the confidence in the world that Jim chose right this time. I am the third of my mom's four daughters to marry a man and be the fourth wife. Is that not strange? But the first has been with her husband 35 years, the second has for 18 years, and I plan on following their lead. Thank you so much for your concern but I'm confident we will make it with God's help.
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Old 23rd March 2011, 01:50 PM   #49
chosen
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Well if he starts behaving himself, and acting in a way that shows he loves and respects you, then it may well last. I hope so for your sake.
Could it be however, that his wives seemed slightly crazy because they were totally fed up with the flirting and innappropriate behaviour with other women? That would be enough to upset and deeply hurt most wives. There really is no excuse for it.

Must admit that I have never known anyone who has married and become a third wife, let alone a forth. My husbands former wife had an affair with a three times divorced man, and did want to marry him, but it never got that far, and they broke up.I suspect that he had had enough of marriages that ended in divorce and didnt want to go down that route again.Cant blame him I suppose.

Last edited by chosen; 23rd March 2011 at 04:24 PM.
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Old 23rd March 2011, 06:43 PM   #50
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

I don't know what else to do but to pray and watch. I know the other wives weren't faithful either and it seems it probably just snowballed into a disaster. They are so disfunctional that they never even had true friends while Jim has always had many. Also, I believe he's grown quite a bit, even though he still likes to flirt. I don't believe the others cared that he did so he doesn't understand why I do but he's adjusting. I'll take it one day at a time, pray, and love him with all I've got. Thank you for all your advice. This forum has been a real blessing to me.
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Old 24th March 2011, 12:04 PM   #51
marriedforlife
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Though we have been friends for a very long time, the described behavior with me only took place recently. My only intention in talking with them, as I was advised, was to help me understand my husband. I have never wanted anything other than to have a good marriage with him. I didn't say anything to my husband because of his friendship with Jim. I was not aware of Jim's cheating on his other wives. I knew them and they were "out there," but I was not privvy to anything else.
I do appreciate your prayers.
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Old 24th March 2011, 02:17 PM   #52
Raymond
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

It's funny how you know when this thread comes to life again mfl. Not a criticism just an observation.

Are you now saying that Jim was a little untoward to the opposite sex including you? I thought you said before it was all in her head or something like that? From what is written on this thread it does seem as though he has a certain record concerning this and has a problem, perhaps with using flattery on the opposite sex.

I know you have now recognised how this has affect JD's marriage, but the e mail he sent you on holiday, from what has been written here, should never be sent to a married woman from a married man. You shouldn't allow it, however flattering you may find it.

May I ask what you are asking us to pray about as we don't not know anything about your problems. Or are you asking us to pray for Jim's Darling?
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Old 24th March 2011, 02:23 PM   #53
chosen
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by marriedforlife View Post
Though we have been friends for a very long time, the described behavior with me only took place recently. My only intention in talking with them, as I was advised, was to help me understand my husband. I have never wanted anything other than to have a good marriage with him. I didn't say anything to my husband because of his friendship with Jim. I was not aware of Jim's cheating on his other wives. I knew them and they were "out there," but I was not privvy to anything else.
I do appreciate your prayers.
what does 'out there' mean?
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Old 24th March 2011, 06:38 PM   #54
Raymond
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

That they existed but not any details?
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Old 24th March 2011, 11:28 PM   #55
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

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Originally Posted by marriedforlife View Post
I have come to this site under another name and another strand for my own sanity and have checked this one from time to time, hoping that things are smoother for them-thinking if nothing is posted, then they are O.K.
Raymond...The quote above is how I have known about a continuing discourse on this thread.

I am asking for prayers concerning what I asked for earlier...that I may understand my husband and be a better wife to him. I am active in my church and my church family prays for one another. I asked for prayers from Christian brothers and sisters on this site and would appreciate them, but if you do not want to offer them up for me, then they would not be in the right spirit anyway.

I doubt that I will post another reply, because it seems that things are interpreted with a question to follow. I have a hard time not replying when clarification is necessary. I want out of this whole thing and have done everything I know to do.
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Old 24th March 2011, 11:33 PM   #56
marriedforlife
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

I apologize...I did not answer all the questions. "out there" is that they had emotional problems independent of their marriages.

Not sure what you are asking on "That they existed but not any details?"

By all means...pray for Jimsdarling, Jim, me, my husband...all Christians...
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Old 25th March 2011, 06:04 AM   #57
chosen
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

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Originally Posted by marriedforlife View Post
I apologize...I did not answer all the questions. "out there" is that they had emotional problems independent of their marriages.

Not sure what you are asking on "That they existed but not any details?"

By all means...pray for Jimsdarling, Jim, me, my husband...all Christians...
Mfl
Raymond was answering my question about what 'out there' meant. Its OK.

It seems from this mans 2nd and 3rd wife that maybe he was attracted to women with emotional problems at that time, but its sad that he has had so many marriage break ups, but I am sure that this flirting cant have helped any of them. It must have bought insecurity and hurt to all of his wives. Of course we will pray for you. I too desire to be the best wife that I can and that isnt always easy is it, as basically we can all be pretty selfish at times.
My advise from now on is to focus on him and him alone, and never get involved in anyway with a man who flirts(no matter how long you have known him), unless it is your own husband flirting with you. lol
Flirting is innexcusable in my opinion, and something that I would never put up with.
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Old 25th March 2011, 06:54 AM   #58
Jimsdarliing
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Help! Is anyone up this late?
I didn't want them here but they came tonight and it was a disaster. We had other company but her husband had something of Jim's and wanted to bring it back. Turns out it was her birthday and everyone except me wished her a happy one. Then, later, at bedtime when I went to brush my teeth, I found a bag by my sink and thought that he had bought me a gift. It was a beautiful Irish cross necklace but then I read the bag and it said Trish. As is his habit, he buys gifts and puts them in his closet for their occasion. He had been digging in the closet for a gift he had bought for another friend (his brother's lady friend) and must have run across it and inadvertently left it laying there for me to see. My guess--it was to be her birthday present before the explosion. We had another arguement and, again, I'm up at one o'clock in the morning trying to sort through all the pain. The pain won't quit. Why won't she just go away? She keeps saying she will.

Last edited by Jimsdarliing; 25th March 2011 at 07:14 AM.
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Old 25th March 2011, 07:14 AM   #59
chosen
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

You do need to try and stay way from them. It isnt right that he buys her gifts especially without telling you.(and also why leave it by your sink????) I do think that both of you and both of them know that there needs to be no more contact. If he had something to give your husband he could have popped it round himself at some point, and not both turned up without notice.
However this dosnt actually deal with the fact that he is still a flirt with women generally, that is another issue that he must sort out.
I wonder if some good counselling may help you and he to set some godly boundaries about his behaviour with women. Otherwise it may never stop and he will carry on hurting you. He isnt helpless to stop this behaviour you know, and if he knows how much it hurts you then why does he keep on doing it?
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Old 25th March 2011, 02:00 PM   #60
Raymond
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Re: Q: At what point is touching no longer appropriate for just friends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by marriedforlife View Post
Raymond...The quote above is how I have known about a continuing discourse on this thread.

I am asking for prayers concerning what I asked for earlier...that I may understand my husband and be a better wife to him. I am active in my church and my church family prays for one another. I asked for prayers from Christian brothers and sisters on this site and would appreciate them, but if you do not want to offer them up for me, then they would not be in the right spirit anyway.

I doubt that I will post another reply, because it seems that things are interpreted with a question to follow. I have a hard time not replying when clarification is necessary. I want out of this whole thing and have done everything I know to do.
Married for Life if you have come on under another name you would have had input and prayer if you had asked for it. We will pray anyway but you have not told us much about your marriage so we can only pray on the brief info you have given us.

As the thread is for Jim's Darling there are obviously things to clarify as we are concerned for her as well.
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