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Old 14th November 2014, 06:02 PM   #61
Devitt
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Re: Separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
I SO agree with ronocco. Great advise. Get out and dont tell her where. As yet she has felt no consequences to her actions.
Ok that's feels very hard, it's like saying I don't care when I massively do

I have nothing to lose I guess

Tonight we are meant to be discussing what next, this is so bad, I can't be bothered I'm only going to hear lies anyway

I'll go through the motions but it's completely pointless, a discussion is suppose to be two ways, this won't be

I'm trying not to get self righteous but I can feel it creeping in, I want to say you are an idiot what do you think your life will be like in 6 months time, and after everything we have been through and done together you can't spare a couple of months of effort, I'm not even sure if I know her now

Arghhh angry person, not good

Anyway I'll let you know how my ridiculous night goes

Oh one funny thing the film at the cinema was gone girl, almost funny if it wasn't so serious

My life
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Old 14th November 2014, 07:51 PM   #62
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Separation

What next? As in I am leaving you and moving in with my lover?
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Old 14th November 2014, 07:53 PM   #63
chosen
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Re: Separation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Devitt View Post
Ok that's feels very hard, it's like saying I don't care when I massively do

I have nothing to lose I guess

Tonight we are meant to be discussing what next, this is so bad, I can't be bothered I'm only going to hear lies anyway

I'll go through the motions but it's completely pointless, a discussion is suppose to be two ways, this won't be

I'm trying not to get self righteous but I can feel it creeping in, I want to say you are an idiot what do you think your life will be like in 6 months time, and after everything we have been through and done together you can't spare a couple of months of effort, I'm not even sure if I know her now

Arghhh angry person, not good

Anyway I'll let you know how my ridiculous night goes

Oh one funny thing the film at the cinema was gone girl, almost funny if it wasn't so serious

My life
Its not saying you dont care at all, its saying that you cant bear to be with her knowing she is cheating and about to leave you. Its saying that you need to be away from the horrible situation at home. Its saying that you need to begin to find a life apart from her.
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Old 14th November 2014, 08:37 PM   #64
mjker
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Re: Separation

I completely agree with ronnoco, and chosen, for what it's worth.
You're clearly an extremely nice guy, so I guess it's not natural to turn your back to some degree. But I think time away from her (as in staying somewhere else), ideally with other people, would be a great move, mainly for you.
Do it for yourself I think. Time to care about doing things for you. Maybe it will hit her like a ton of bricks, but from what I've read, I wouldn't be sure about that. I don't think that's why you need to get out of there for a bit.

I think the odd nice thing she's doing is out of guilt. It just prolongs the painful process though I think.
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Old 14th November 2014, 11:37 PM   #65
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Separation

I'd agree with all of that, especially the bit about the nice things being out of guilt. Making some changes will certainly ruffle her feathers.

I would insist myself on sleeping in the spare room at the very least.

Everyone is different and despite our advise, you should always do what you want to do. Chosen and are are very similar in that we are both very black and white. For me, when my wife told me it was over, I pleaded with her but when I could see I was fighting a loosing battle and she just didn't want me anymore, I moved out that day and lived with my parents for 6 or 7 weeks whilst we got the house situation sorted.

When someone delivers what I like to call "the speech" it's soul destroying. Everything changes and for me, it was so much easier once I was out of there.

For a few days, I used to come back to the house and look after the kids whilst she worked but that was so terrible I decided to have them at my parents. It was really cramped but was so worth it. I didn't come back to the house until it was mine again.

All these emotions you are feeling are perfectly normal. The anger, annoyance, despair, it's all part of the process. Don't fight it.

Good luck anyway with tonight - I know how tough it is.
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Old 18th November 2014, 10:15 PM   #66
mjker
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Re: Separation

How are things Devitt?
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Old 27th November 2014, 07:23 AM   #67
Devitt
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Re: Separation

Hi there, well she has gone, the day she left was pretty bad, I went out and returned to the house with muddy foot prints everywhere, seems silly but it really got to me
I had a good tidy and moved some things about so I wasn't living in a space that looked like the past
It's been pretty tough, quite lonely and hard to find a new routine
I'm working on one day at a time and not enjoying the inevitable questions from people
I'll get there in the end I'm sure, but time passes very slowly
Thanks for asking much appreciated
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Old 28th November 2014, 12:46 PM   #68
ronnoco
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Posts: 391
Re: Separation

It's very hard - I know what you mean with the muddy footprints.

Changing the house around, making it your own will help a lot. Perhaps fill some spare time with a decorating project? I have recently done my lounge and really enjoyed it.

Keep yourself as busy as possible with friends, family, exercise, a new hobby, volunteering, whatever it takes to get through the storm. It will take a long time, probably 12 - 18 months to be honest but you will get there.

All the best.
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