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Old 13th February 2011, 12:07 AM   #1
georgie
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Would planning for Divorce save more marriages

Hi,

I've just written a first draft on this idea, and would love to get your input. The basic premise is, if we had to plan for Divorce as part of our marriage contract - taking in to account the true emotional and financial impact, would people take their marriage vows more serioulsy and work harder at making their marriage work? The link to the post is attached.

I would really appreciate your feedback.

http://www.restartyourlife.info/?p=420
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Old 13th February 2011, 11:52 AM   #2
chosen
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Re: Would planning for Divorce save more marriages

georgie
I cant get to your writing on the site, but I think its a bad idea.This is also partly the reason why I hate prenups, and would never agree to one, because you are thinking about divorce before you are even married.
Both my husband and myself sadly had to get divorced after long first marriages when our spouses betrayed us in different ways, but we both believe that you keep your promises unless there is adultery or other sexual sin or serious abuse, that makes this impossible.
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Old 13th February 2011, 03:27 PM   #3
georgie
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Re: Would planning for Divorce save more marriages

Hi
Thanks for your response - sorry I broke the link to the post I wrote but it's fixed now.

I think there is a big problem with the way we are entering marriage these days, I dont think it is perceived as a binding contract at all, more and more people are entering it with the attitutude that they can simply walk away with minimal consequences should the going get tough or should 'something better' come along. I think it would be good for marriage if people understood upfront the real consequences of a Divorce, they would then enter the marriage with their eyes open more prepared for the work and commitment required to avoid those consequences.

I think understanding how your partner is prepared to behave in the worst carse scenario is very illuminating, it would reveal a lot of core values that people often don't discover in each other until it's too late.

I think preparing for Divorce as it actually is would not create an anticipation of it's inevitable occurance, but it might make people more aware of how important it is to work on the success of the marriage.

I just really want to get some discussion happening around how we can do things better - I'm hoping that with all the suffering witnessed and experienced by people here as a result of betrayal, lies, lack of commitment that we can somehow come up with a better way, rather than watching the cycle repeat over and over.

x
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Old 13th February 2011, 06:01 PM   #4
mangonpineapple
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Re: Would planning for Divorce save more marriages

Hi Georgie,

I sort of get what you mean. I think that it is a good idea for couples to go through some kind of counselling on what they are about to embark on, and the impact it will have on self, couple, children and the community as a whole. I don't really think that planning for divorce would save more marriages. It's just that the importance of marriage as an institution and as a way to build a family has changed so much and divorce is more acceptable and readily available. Maybe the government and charities can do more to help with this. I don't know. I mean it's like smoking. When you see graphic pictures of what smoking does to the lungs, then that stops you in your tracks and makes you think. Same with drugs and drink driving. I don't know, maybe there should be similar educational campaigns on the subject. It would not be uncontroversial as it brings up all sorts of issues politically and ethically. However, I think the point is that no matter how one chooses to make a family unit and it is legalised, then the couples should receive some sort of basic educational advice on how to communicate, the dangers and pitfalls that one will encounter in a marriage, how to spot trouble and how and when to seek help in order to address the issues before things go too far.
The saddest thing is that it's only when things have broken down do we rush to read all the books that should have been recommended to us when we went through the ceremony. Nobody tells us it is hard work and that a relationship needs constant nurturing and care. Such is life.
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Old 13th February 2011, 06:18 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: Would planning for Divorce save more marriages

There is such a lot of help on marriage these days including pre marriage counselling and courses. I see so many people rush into marriages that even I can see wont work, and usually they dont work. However divorce is something that we can find out about if we ever need it . I never dreamt that I would ever need to get divorced, and I didnt for 25 years, but then I read a lot on divorce and there is loads of info around on it.
Maybe the best thing is to make people realise the seriousness of marriage, rather then discussing divorce even before you have walked down the isle.
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Old 14th February 2011, 10:20 AM   #6
georgie
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Re: Would planning for Divorce save more marriages

Hi,
Yes i think we are getting to the crux of the point I'm trying to make in an oh so long winded fashion. It's preparation. I think preparing for Divorce would reduce the divorce rate because I think it might prevent a lot of marriage from happening if people were faced with having to explore and even expose their true values/feelings in a meaninful ie binding way.
People rush in because they think the out is so easy - well actually I think the selfish narcisists think this - the rest are naieve and trusting and believing in marriage and commitment - and they are the ones that are hurt by the current system.
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Old 14th February 2011, 11:33 AM   #7
chosen
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Re: Would planning for Divorce save more marriages

The trouble is Georgie, that no one thinks it will happen to them.
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Old 14th February 2011, 06:22 PM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Would planning for Divorce save more marriages

A good discussion in marriage week. I have just read Ian Duncan Smith's speech on marriage which reflect some points made on here. See: http://www.dwp.gov.uk/newsroom/minis...08-02-11.shtml

I think a lot of the values of marriage come from the parents. Although I wasn't brought up by parents I still learned it from the church family I was part of.

As for preparing for divorce just in case. I am not really sure. It might have put a damper on my engagement and marriage. Sort of like an escape hatch just in case, when in your mind you are committed forever. It might work for some who are not confident. Anything is better that what we are getting now. I read that it is costing the country between £20 - £40 billion.
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