Would you do this??

Morning,

I need a little advice please....

As some know my current situation from the other forum I wont go into it here but I do want opinions on something.

Throughout the course of my separation I have picked up stories and lies that are being spread around about me making me look like a very bad person, which I am not!

These lies have been spiteful, hurtful and totally unjustified to make 'her' look the victim in this. It has certainly worked in some quarters however, people who know both of us have become tired of 'her' victim 'status' that she has bestowed upon her self and they have also realised that the stories that she is spouting around are just that, stories.

Anyway, I am think about sending an email to everyone we know, I mean friends and family with my side of events and to dispel some of the disgusting lies that she is telling about me.

A little drastic? Possibly. It could also be looked upon as being spiteful to 'her' which is why the email makes no attempt to put 'her' down in any way. It is a statement of facts, of occurrences, of reality. I am sure that some of the recipients will not believe what is written, primarily one or two members of her family, but what is in the email is absolute fact, not fiction and I have tried to write it without malice or spite.

Would you send it?

[JWD]

I wouldn't even bother. Keep a dignified silence. My ex did the same and I wanted so badly to tell everyone but I'm so glad I didn't. People only want juicy gossip and they will believe what they want to believe anyway. Was it here on this site I read bout there being three sides to every story, yours, theirs and the truth?

Like you say, people are already sick listening to her lies, you keep looking the good guy whilst she behaves like the victim, it will pay off eventually.

I know only too well how frustrating it is to have these lies spread about yourself but lies always, always come out in the end and she will be the one looking stupid. Don't do it.

Hi JWD

Thanks for your reply.

You are right of course but it is really hard to accept that there are a lot of people out there who think that I am the biggest b@stard, wife beating in Europe!

Friends who know us know that this is not the case and even last night mutual friends told me that they think that actually I was "covering up and compensating" for what 'she' is really like!

Yes things, in the end, will will pay off eventually. 'She' already looks stupid due to a massive lie being found out but some friends and the funny thing is that 'she' forgot the lie and told the truth to them several weeks after the lie.

It is 'her' family and 'her' friends mainly that I want to put the record straight with. I am finding that they have taken the lies hook line and sinker and, because I don't have a voice, have no way of refuting some of the more disgusting lies that 'she' is telling.

It is so frustrating!! It hurts!!

I have an email already written ready to send but it has been written for a few weeks now, unsent, I guess that perhaps that answers my own question eh?

Thanks again JWD!

I am still seriously considering sending the email to her family and a few selected friends of hers.... We shall see.

[JWD]

To be a good liar you need a good memory. She is tripping herself up left, right and centre and given enough rope, will hang herself. Her family may even already know about the lies.

I totally understand why you want to send it. I was able to block the lies by walking away altogether and having no contact with any of his friends or family. She sounds like a frustrated, guilty woman trying everything to justify her own selfish behaviour.

Hope whatever you decide brings you a little more peace.

Again thanks JWD

It is unlikely that her family know of the lies as they are in another country and receiving only telephone calls and emails from 'her'.

You are right, she is tripping herself up all over the place. I would walk away from it all if it wasn't for the children. I would clear off and 'find myself' for a year away from every one and every thing but I just could not to that to the boys.

I still have the email sitting in Drafts...

Decisions, decisions...

[j92cool]

I agree with JWD don't send the email. The people that really matter already know what a moral man you are. Let her continue to make a fool of herself. Her lies will catch up to her sooner or later.

Back in the early days of my incident I said when all was settled I was going to send my ex an email telling him exactly what I thought of him but 6 months later I couldn't be bothered. It will make no difference to his attitude. He didn't give a rats then so I can't see it will affect him now. I would rather just ignore his existance.

You and your children deserve better. I wish you all the best and I hope evrything gets sorted sooner rather than later.

Big hugs.

Be kind to yourslef.

[Raymond]

I think your advice is correct. You cannot waste time trying to reverse lies she is sending out. Your true friends will ask you if it is true which is the time you can put it right or for anyone else who cares to ask before believing it.

It may be a ploy to darken your name for a possible court case. There is that aspect, but normally courts go on facts not slander.

Raymond

Thanks j92cool and Raymond

You and others that have posted here are right, and I know it really. I just do not like the lies that are being thrown around about me. It is very easy to ignore it is harder to wipe away the mud in months to come! I really am not a bad person and am sensitive to this kind of slander.

Those who know me, us, the ones that matter already know the situation and that in fact the lies are simply to slurry my name, potentially for any court process. The nice thing is that our ex mutual friends, I say ex as they are so not on 'her' side anymore.

They have seen first hand what 'she' is really like and heard lies told being contradicted by 'her' weeks later.

Any court case will be supported by families on my side and by 'frenemies' on her side.

It's just so damn hard sometimes to hear the cr@p being thrown around without having a voice to respond.

[Raymond]

Anyone who listens to it without contacting you is not worth worrying about anyway. If it affects business one can sue but it will cost unless you win. If it is just people who are not your friends (assuming that your true friends will always contact you to check) then you cannot control it or worry about it. One can get into being controlled worrying about what others think of us. So long as your friends and the people you deal with know the truth you have to get on with life and outlive it all, certainly don't try and retaliate and play her game.

Raymond

For many it is people that I will likely never have contact with again.

For some it is people who I have fairly regular contact with. I have made no mention of anything to them knowing that 'she' has spoken with them. They seem to be ok with me although it is a little 'strained' at times.

An overheard conversation between a couple of 'her' friends suggested that they doubted what 'she' had told them as it was far too "easy and not really how she should be behaving if this had really happened as 'she' said".

What is the saying... Sticks and stones... It is true but feelings get hurt with so much mud being dished out.

[Raymond]

Most will not believe it reading between the lines. If some of the people you have contact with are not your friends let them think what they want. They will ask you if they have doubts.

The saying is sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. Not always true. Words can certainly hurt if they are from someone we heretofore trusted or from someone with authority over us like parents or maybe teachers.

Raymond