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Advice needed please.
Hi, I'm new to this site today and very much in need of some help and advice.
I've been married to my husband ten years this year but our marriage has had difficulties over the past six when he came home from work one day and said he no longer loved me. We had just moved into our new home and had been bickering and rowing. Feeling low and unloved, I got extremely drunk and fell into the arms of a man at a work party. I should have left it there and then, but somehow felt compelled to continue to see this man as there was such a connection between us.
Things deteriorated between my husband and I to the extent that I moved out for a year, during which I continued to meet up with this man. My husband and I eventually went to Relate at which point I told my husband I had slept with another man. I felt I had to be honest if our marriage stood any chance. We both agreed to pursue the counselling and after the year, I moved back home, but in seperate bedrooms. My husband and I got on ok, but more like friends rather than husband and wife. Despite living together, we fell naturally into living seperate lives. We have not been intimate together for 6 years.
I kept the other man at arms length, but still had very intense feelings for him and he for me. He wanted us to be together properly but I reiterated on numerous occasions that I needed to deal with my marriage first and if my marriage was to end, that it would be for me and not in order to commence another relationship.
In June last year my Mum was diagnosed with leukaemia and I of course was there for her, visiting her everyday, sometimes more often in hospital. My husband was by my side and naturally contact with the other man diminished although we exchanged the odd email.
In early November my dear Mum passed away and I hit rock bottom. I met up with my friend from work and my instincts told me something had changed. I later discovered he had been seeing someone else. Not a problem, but I wish he had been honest and just told me.
We had no contact for three months, then out of the blue he text me on Valentines day and sent me a card. I met up with him, because a) I wanted to know what on earth he was up to and b) I had to prove to myself I had the strength to meet him. It transpired that things had not worked out with his girlfriend and he wanted he and I to give things a proper go and be together. My instincts are telling me to steer clear, but I do still have strong feelings for him and wonder what a relationship with him could be like.
I am now so confused about what to do about my marriage. My husband is a truly wonderful man, who I love dearly but just doesn't seem to want to spend any time with me - he always prioritises work and football, leaving me home alone. We hardly spend any time together and I feel like I am existing rather than living. I'm so scared of giving up but don't know what else to do. I have been crying constantly with the turmoil.
Last edited by Confused1973; 5th April 2010 at 11:10 AM.
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