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Old 1st November 2006, 08:36 PM   #1
albertz31
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please god help me

i dont know whats wrong with me, she loves me, but i dont have the same feelings, in fact i have never loved anyone, i think there is something wrong with me, when we parted today, she was in tears, her pain was unbearable i couldnt stand to see such anguish, yet when we are apart i fall apart, i cant stop thinking about her, and i dont know why

all i ask is that you let me love her, is it so much to ask? my mind says that she is perfect for me, we get on so well, are so relaxed in each others company, we can talk about anything, but my heart is still empty and i dont know why.

please pray for me. i just want to have what everyone else has, its such a little thing to ask.
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Old 5th November 2006, 07:40 PM   #2
Kate
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 1,115
Re: please god help me

Dear Albertz31,

What does it feel like to know you love someone? Is their a right or normal way to feel? Are you trying to live up to some particular picture of love.

Love is about more than having some particular feelings. Why not have a look at this tip.

What does your lady need? Someone who is open with her, someone who is a good friend, someone who finds her attractive not just physically....

I pray that God will show you what is wrong with your heart and heal it and enable you to build a wonderful strong relationship with this lady of yours.

Kate
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Old 5th November 2006, 09:31 PM   #3
albertz31
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Re: please god help me

Kate,

Thanks for your reply, it means alot to have someone give advice, the problem with the internet is that it tends to give bad advice, or everyone has an opinion and they are all different.

So your reply was a breath of fresh air, it is not the first time that someone has said that to me, i just expected to get the 'fireworks' type of sensation that everyone else seems to get, but some have said that this is rubbish, my own mother called this 'hollywood love'

the worst thing is that i cannot even trust my own judgement anymore, when i try to look inwards i come away confused, not knowing my own mind leaves me almost in limbo with this, and she is very headstrong, just wanting to know whats going on and i cant even give her an answer.

Your prayers and thoughts are much appreciated.
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Old 6th November 2006, 01:24 AM   #4
Minerva
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Wink Re: please god help me

Those are all the things that mean that you do love her! What did you think love was? Is it that you can't say it? If you can't say it, doesn't mean that you don't feel it. If you can't say it it may just mean your upbringing didn't include those words. Write down all the things that you love about her - it will mean a lot.

Last edited by Minerva; 6th November 2006 at 01:29 AM. Reason: bad sentence
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Old 24th December 2006, 11:45 AM   #5
Coffeebean
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Re: please god help me

love is a very difficult thing on one hand and dead easy on the other. I believe that you love her just not as much as you love yourself. It is a very difficult situation for both parties and i don't think I have given credit for the difficulty that the party who puts us in this situation is feeling to. I know I never thought of the confusion my husband must be going through. I'll pray for you and you pray for me. Maybe we will get through this time and enjoy a christmas and new year and focus on what God does for us. I dont know whether to pray for the baby to be safe or not. If my husband doesn't love me surely its better for the baby to go. But I am not doing anything stupid resting and keeping my baby safe and praying that what ever God wills is done.

God Bless and Merry Christmas
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Old 27th December 2007, 11:05 PM   #6
Alice Alice
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Re: please god help me

maybe your afraid of the "ugly" side of love being vunerable...don't get streesed about it relax do fun things together create fun memmories...
be good to yourself
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Old 29th December 2007, 12:57 AM   #7
val100
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 537
Re: please god help me

Hi there, I am new to this so bear with me. Guess what, you actually might love her you just haven't connected you head to your heart. I know this because it was the same for me. You felt her pain excuse the well used line. Men seem to think love is about fireworks and curling toes. love is the mutual enjoyment and emotional and physical comfort we have with another person. I shared my life with a man for 14 yrs and I had an affair because like you I believed I never really loved him. 6mths after being found out I suddenly realised I was lost. My other half was missing. We are back together but he is treating me so badly yet I won't walk away, I love him, I know I will have to leave at some point if he doesn't stop, I will take for now because I know he hurts,I pray we will recover. Take your time and enjoy your partner, you are not in a trap so relax and see where this adventure takes both of you, just stop hurting her by obssesing about how you aren't in love you can convince yourself of anything for a time.
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Old 29th December 2007, 01:24 AM   #8
1aokgal
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Re: please god help me

Albert31,

This is a FRIEND...not the "right one" perhaps? We have quite a few friends before we find the one that curls our toes. Part of it is making good decisions..like a clean decent person of good character with no bad habits as drinking/drugs/behavior glitches. Take time to find that out and you may find the one meant for you. We meet lots of "prospects" before we find the one we want for the long term.

Be fair, be honest..if you don't feel this is a heart connection break it off with kindness. Don't force a puzzle fit because you are desperate to find someone. Needy people meet the WORST because they try so hard they make allowances for character defects that won't allow a lifetime partnership. The more similar is background as family, religion the less chance for problems in the long run. Sometime we just have to realize the time is not right and keep company with friends, group activities. One day, when you least expect it perhaps you will know you found the right fit. Be happy being single and free for awhile.
Good luck. Happy New Year.
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Old 29th December 2007, 01:30 AM   #9
val100
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Re: please god help me

1aokgal you might be right.
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Old 29th December 2007, 08:13 AM   #10
1aokgal
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Re: please god help me

My family once tried to cram this man down my throat. I would say to them I would be going out and they would tell him to come on over. When I got home they would have him sitting at the table drinking cofee with a donut. Then I was forced to make polite conversation.

On the surface he was a good looking man with a future and real stuck on me. I LIKED him but he did not have the polish, education or conversational skills that I wanted in a man. He was kind to me and while it was flattering I could not get into this guy. Meantime my folks were praising him and cutting short my career plans with ideas of marriage and such. I almost made a huge mistake to settle. What I wasted was quite a bit of time trying to make it fit when it did not. He later turned into a Jekyl and Hyde as the surface wore thin and that is what I felt all along... something was not right. Lucky for me I did not let others opinions make me think I would just settle because he was available.

I later found the right one. No difficult fit but a good match. When it does not feel right...it isn't.
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