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Old 4th March 2016, 09:49 AM   #1
jan
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 5
Should we reunite?

Hello,

My husband and I have been married for nearly 18 years. We have two teenage sons who both have mental health problems. The eldest also has Asperger syndrome. Due to Child Protection issues, I left with my eldest son to live with my sister for four months and now I live with my eldest son and my husband lives with our youngest son.


My husband has a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome and mental health difficulties. His behaviour was at the root of the Child Protection case and it has not changed. My youngest son was almost taken into foster care because my husband was hitting him and saying he wishes he could 'get rid' of him [my youngest].

The Child Protection case has ended now and my husband wants us to reunite. I am sure there is love there and I am sure he needs my support (I am not conceited, he just needs someone to make decisions and help calm him down). However, i am also certain that one of the reasons he wants us to live together is financial. My husband does not work and, currently, he pays a small proportion of his rent and council tax. If he lived with me, I would pay all the bills.

Emotionally, I am tempted, but I think the risk that the situation will escalate to Child Protection again is immense. My eldest cannot cope with my husband's rages or his brother's controlling behaviour. We fled because my eldest was suicidal.

Yet, my youngest remains with his dad and the situation is not good. in fact nothing is moving forward.

I just do not know what to do. Should I move back and try to manage it all? I may have more of a chance now that I work from home. Should I officially separate from my husband so that this issues of reunification is off the agenda? How can I do anything without compromising the safety of one son or rejecting the other?

I realise that I have asked a lot of questions that perhaps cannot be answered in this context. However, thank you for reading. It feels a bit better to have written it all down.
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