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Old 19th May 2018, 05:35 PM   #1
Marla
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1
Why i let this woman my coworker to grope me?

I am a 42year old woman what is wrong with me? Six months ago we moved to my husband's hometown. We were forced to move from the suburbs to my husband's hometown , due to financial constraints.My husband business venture collapsed.We lost our home.Settling into our new home was hard.My husband is depressed.His depression is hurting our day-to-day life, and I admit to feeling very frustrated sometimes.I love my husband dearly, but Iím having a really hard time feeling 100% respectful of him right now, and I hate that feeling. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have a 13year old daughter! I am 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette. I have a very large breasts and i do have a big butt. I don't intend to dress in any particular 'way' for anyone. I just wear what I like. I don't 'ask' for anything. I don't ask to be groped. I wear clothes that fit me properly. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses.I am always on high heels and full make up on. If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot.I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks - something I have no control over. I can't help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get. how big my breasts get.
My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When i go out in public guys start talking to me and subtlety try to ask me out. I mention i have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. I end up getting stressed by it. The irony is that all this time I've been afraid of men, perceiving any touch as a sexual advance that I should fear - when really, it was a short,skinny old woman I should have feared. My story just seems so implausible that I feel I won't be believe.
On February 1st i started working at this accounting firm. It is all female workplace. Other 14 employees are women in their 40s and 50s. Other women there my coworkers think that i am stuck up and arrogant upper middle class snob.I feel like these women my coworkers don't really like me.I am considered by most of other women my coworkers to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.One woman group member has described me as a snob on about half a dozen occasions . I still don't really know why. I know on one of those occasions it was because I turned down the offer to go to a coffee with her after work. How not wanting to go somewhere makes me a snob, I don't know. One woman my colleague always comments on my clothing saying that i am always overdressed in satin and silk clothes and glammed up.I am dressing like this since i graduated college and got my first office job.It is my whole wardrobe.Its how i like to dress myself and that is my style. When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this cummunity my husband's home town), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better.And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red.Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days.I always dress up when I'm feeling down.In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself.I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on.I've been doing a lot of that lately.
(Sorry if I sound whiny) It sucks to see your coworkers do group lunches everyday and not be included. And it's not just lunches that I'm not included in. These women my coworkers are the most gossipy, nitpicking, backstabbing group I have ever come across. They are so quick to tattletale on you for some of the most minor things and chastise you.
Only one woman my coworker is friendly with me. She is skinny really short like 5ft3 wrinkled face thin lips green eyes grayhaired masculine 55year old woman. But for some reason, she feels entitled to touch, squeeze or jiggle my breasts and to rub and slap my ass. On my second day there in the office restroom she said "Wow! Your breasts are sooo large! Can i touch them" AS she was already grabbing and squeezing them! I just said it looks like you are already touching them. In the moment, I found myself laughing it off. And this woman is really short, her head is exactly the level of my breasts. Since then this woman my friendly coworker thinks she can just walk up and feel my boobs or grab my ass when ever she feels like it!! She routinely slaps or rubs my butt. She loves to squeeze or jiggle my breasts and tell me how soft and squishy they are. She thinks they are toys. She often hugs me around my waist and then proceeds to hump me (From behind usually but sometimes from the front).
Usually it happens in the restroom, in the hallway, by the watercooler or on the parking lot. I don't know how to stop it. I usually just feel like a deer in headlights. I hate that i have grown accustomed to it. I kinda feel like a weirdo for not losing my **** on this woman my coworker. I am physically stronger than her.I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I am always on high heels she is always in sneakers.Standing next to me she looks like a midget. She isn't a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to grope me makes me very uncomfortable.
Three days ago as we were leaving work her friend(this short like 5ft2 skinny freckled face creepy green eyes thin lips red haired masculine woman in her early 50s) was waiting for her on the parking lot and she(my friendly groper coworker's friend said to me "You are so tall big and soft" and then my coworker said to her friend "touch her boobs if you want, she wont mind" Then this short skinny ugly ginger woman walked up to me reached with her both hands and gave my breasts what I can only describe as a jiggle-squish. She commented on how soft they feel. I was speechless.
This woman my friendly coworker gets away with groping me all the time,simply because i let her. Instead of outrage, i feel a strange, paralyzing shame. Instead of immediately and publicly denouncing her, i try to defuse the situation as quietly as possible, as if the guilt is my own. What is wrong with me? I am a straight woman, i love men, simple! I am straight and I am completely 100 percent straight. I have never been attracted to a woman sexually. I am STRICTLY hetero.Even the thought of eating out a vagina makes me gag. I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female.
I can't just quit this job.This is a smallish town. There arenít many job opportunities.I fear I wonít be able to find work.I really need this salary. I don't want my husband to found out of that situation with this short skinny groper woman my coworker. He is going to blame me. 5 years ago I had an affair on my husband which I regret terribly.It has been a difficult journey for my husband,he can't seem to forgive me. My husband looses it at times and says some really crappy things about me in front of our daughter and I am afraid of what she may think of me.I don't want this to ruin her future,which I feel could. I try to remain calm with my husband and answer all his pesky questions that he has about my affair but eventually I get irratated and loose it.He will begin to call me names (horrible I might add).Which eventually makes me sick to think I even told him about the affair.My husband and I where going through some sex issues at the time. I'm not making excuses just giving a bit of insight into what lead me into this affair.

This other man can't compare to my husband as far as having character (just because I fell prey to this situation doesn't mean I've lost my ability to recognize character and integrity - I realized I've comprised mine BIG time). My husband is a WONDERFUL man that any woman would LOVE to have...After all these years I STILL don't have anything negative to say about him. I just made an extremely poor decision (not a mistake - I own my dirt completely).
The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me atleast. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again.He is soooo angry still,I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.
My husband is unemployed since his company declared bankruptcy in September 2017.We lost our home.The bank foreclosed on our house.All the while, he has done our finances and never really was open to my having access to them. I think it was a control issue at first and later he didn't want me to know. That is why we had to move here in his hometown. I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just "man up", but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person.I don't want to push any sensitive buttons with this groper coworker since she is only one who is nice with me at work. That is why i decided to try tolerating groping,rubbing, humping and hugging by her.It was a big mistake.It is my fault. I really don't want to offend her.
I always laugh uncomfortably and try to be as dismissive of the situation as possible when this short skinny woman coworker is groping me. I think the reason why this reaction might be so prevalent is that i shy away from asserting myself, even when it comes to defending myself against such action, because i am wary of being labeled as a shrew, a bitch or a upper middle class snob. So i try to be polite and as unaggressive as possible. I laugh, to prove that i am easy going, and i apologize or refrain from demanding an apology and make excuses to show that i am graceful.
I know other women my coworkers probably laugh at me behind my back because of this situation with this woman groper colleague. One woman coworker said to me that I make stupid faces while this woman groper is groping me and humping me. She also said that it is bizarre that standing next to the groper I look like a giant and I let her get by with it. I just laughed and replied to this woman that we(me and friendly groper coworker) just have a weird bond like that. Other women my coworkers probably think that I am okay with it.
My husband said to me that he is not motivated to seek job point blank the other day, after we discussed the solution to our financial problems would be for him to simply get a job.He never cleans. I'm going crazy. I work all day, come home and eat something quick.Then I clean the kitchen, pick up the living room and I do laundry.I don't think it's fair that he doesn't do any house work when he is home all day long.I feel like I'm nagging him constantly about cleaning up after himself and our daughter during the day. I just don't think I should be doing everything.My husband just wants to sit at home and watch T.V. and go out with his old high school friends.My husband straight told me he doesn't have to get a job. That is pretty messed up, you know.
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Old 5th June 2018, 12:26 AM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,790
Re: Why i let this woman my coworker to grope me?

OK you have to act. Firstly he needs to man up and look for work. You say he is a good man who women would want, and yet he is lazy and watches TV all day. No woman would want a man like that. Give him an ultimatum, that he finds work within 3 months or you are leaving. You have to mean it.
As for the abuse you are suffering, you must tell her to stop. Tell your boss what is going on. Look for another job now.
You are allowing these people to take advantage of you. Only you can change it.
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Old 30th July 2018, 04:50 PM   #3
blendflush
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 41
Re: Why i let this woman my coworker to grope me?

I am no expert on this matter, but if you feel molested, you have to act on it so you have to asses how you really feel about the groping.

Regarding your husband, it could be that he acts that way because of what you've done, which is not right. If he is sincere in forgiving you, you can seek marriage counseling to allow him to process his feelings and be healed from the pain.
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Old 13th August 2018, 08:20 AM   #4
blendflush
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 41
Re: Why i let this woman my coworker to grope me?

Hi, @Marla,

You suddenly come to my mind. I just wanna know how you are doing now.
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