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Old 6th February 2007, 11:07 PM   #1
WifeNKansas
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Not for average thinkers! Advice Please!

Well I hope if you're reading this that you have an open mind because my marriage is one for the record book and both of us are completely off the wall! Where do I begin? Well, I am 21 years old, my husband is 25, we have a 2 year old daughter, and we have been married for 2 1/2 years. Before I met my husband, I was VERY outgoing! I was with friends all the time and also, I have my own personal relationship with God (will come in later). I met my husband while we were working in a restaurant together. This was the most amazing moment of my life at this point! We clicked like no other man I had ever met! It was like in the storybooks where you "just know". From that day on, we've been attached at the hip! At this point in my relationship, we both knew we wanted to have children so we had one! Everything was perfect in the beginning! We were living in both of our's hometown and had family and friends around us for support.

There is a bit of information I have to share here about us. I have been depressed my entire life or at least as long as I have been concious. I've had a hard life and have always thought differently than the average person. I am a homebody and only let a few people in. In other words, I am a depressed weirdo hahhaa! But that is only one part of me. There is a completely different side of me too (I am a Gemini). My other self is completely happy go lucky and wants to be with friends ALL THE TIME! These identities switch so it's very hard to deal with me or even to figure me out. This is why my husband and I got along so well...he is the complete opposite! He is a monotone type personality, never changes, yet VERY stubborn in his ways. He is a homebody so that went very well with the depressed side of my personality.

Back to the marriage. After a few years in our hometown, we realized we weren't making much money and it was making me more depressed. Children are expensive as some of you know, and we weren't doing well because of the lack of money. From the point we had gotten together I was in a depression state because of all the stress of the money and the child. My husband received a job offer in a town an hour and a half away from ours so we decided to jump on that offer hoping to get out and start fresh! I no longer wanted to be this depressed person! So we went for it!

At this new location, I knew no one. Things started to go down further than they had been before. I became extremely depressed. After 6 months here, I decided it was time to go to the doctor for anti-depressants and also to start to look for friends in this new place. I even started to work out to relieve stress. All these tactics worked VERY well for me! I am now a happy person! I have a few friends who I am becoming close with and the pills worked wonders!

Now, things are different. I don't think he ever got to meet the other person inside me that is happy and wants to be around people and do things I enjoy! I have started to do these things and it's like he is starting to hate me! Anytime I ask to go out with friends, he gets mad! If I want friends to come over, he gets mad! If I want to go to someone's house to hang out, he gets mad! I love this side of me! I am happier than I think I have EVER been and I feel he is trying to drag me back down to where I was. Is it even possible for us to make it now? Must I be depressed for this marriage to work?

Another point is that he is an atheist. He believes in nothing and I believe in God and I am spiritual, but not religious. This has not yet become a problem, because I am not outright religious, but I am worried for the future of my daughter's faith because of her father's!

Please someone just give me some advice if you have any! I just don't know what to do now!
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Old 7th February 2007, 12:46 AM   #2
Hurt
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Re: Not for average thinkers! Advice Please!

Have you thought of that maybe he is depressed too? Maybe he needs your help??
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Old 7th February 2007, 05:43 AM   #3
Soulful
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Re: Not for average thinkers! Advice Please!

Probably were too young to get married. Neither of you have really lived.

S
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Old 7th February 2007, 06:06 PM   #4
WifeNKansas
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Re: Not for average thinkers! Advice Please!

I believe he is just super-antisocial! I guess it will just take time for him to adjust to the new me...who knows maybe we can have a month of newlywed sex again hahaha! Thanks for the advice!
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Old 7th February 2007, 07:01 PM   #5
FrontPorchRocker
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Re: Not for average thinkers! Advice Please!

Oh, I am soooooooo happy to you in here and you are not alone. My mother was a catholic and my father was an athiest. Yes, I am weird also but, not to worry....I turned out to be a Southern Baptist. AAAMMMEEENNN and halleluhaj !!!

Anyway...I asume you have been praying about it. How about praying for him? I know you are probably scarred for his soul but he is also a child that needs his father. (Did I mention that my husband was an athiest to?) Sorry, a little scatter brained today. Anyway, I got so desperate one day when I noticed that he was acting out just like a little kid. The only thing I could think of was that he just needed a good spankin but, haha, I am not big enough to do that myself. I sat down and just said look....he is your kid, will you please do something with him cause I can't do it alone.

I know it sounds weird but after praying for 7 years for his soul, it only took 3 seconds to appeal to a fathers heart to help his son. God all ready knew I would never leave him and not ever stop asking for a miracle. I am not saying that everything is perfect. It is so not perfect and we have a lot of problems. Well, I have a lot of problems because my needs are not met and I resent him a lot for it. But, the fact is that I love him more that life itself and I always make sure that I meet his needs reguardless.

Keep working on yourself, God does want you to be happy and to feel good about yourself. Jesus didn't just teach us, he also led by example...so can we.

Just remember one thing, God intended for marriage to be hard work and to be hard work most of the time. That is how you learn to appreciate your union. You will have good years and bad years, you just got to keep hanging in there.

Good Luck and God Bless!!!!
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Old 7th February 2007, 07:03 PM   #6
FrontPorchRocker
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Re: Not for average thinkers! Advice Please!

Oh my goodness, where is my spell checker when I need it????
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Old 7th February 2007, 08:24 PM   #7
FrontPorchRocker
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Re: Not for average thinkers! Advice Please!

HaHa!!! I never noticed it before.

If it had been a snake.....

HeHe ;P
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