Girl Who Haunts Me

[Chamomile]

Originally Posted by chosen

chamomlile, the thing is that this lady he is wanting is married! He knew her well before he got married but never went out with her, she wasnt interested.She has since got married.

Well, yes there is that, too, Chosen.
Besides that, even if this lady suddenly decides to "fall" for you, what would you do once the initial passion had died down and waking up one day in a sober mood. This happens with anybody sooner or later once the honeymoon period is over. You may enjoy the thrill of the "chase", you would probably need to work out to see what went wrong with your marriage as history tends to repeat itself...

If you are with this particular lady, things will miraculously work out for you......is simply illogical and even perplexing.

Originally Posted by chosen

How can you love a women that you barely know anything about?You are infatuated with a women who you think you know, but you dont. The fact that she went to a wedding without her husband means nothing. Stop givng yourself false hopes, they will ruin your life.

How do you know how much I know her and don't say that people dont marry in a day after they have met because they do they did 50 years ago more common and it still happens today how did they Marry when they barley knew each other??

Am I giving myself false hopes I am not I am discussing possibilities coinciding with regular coincidences. The fact that you cannot and will not back down and just believe my feelings and thoughts that it could be love I am not saying it definitely is but there is only 1 way to find out from the horses mouth as they say.

Originally Posted by Chamomile

Sorry to "butt in" in the thread which has been going for a while.

Am I right that from OT, your own marriage is over somehow whilst you still live together for various practical reasons?

I wonder, from reading other threads, when marriage is going down and ailing, you might naturally start to find someone else far more attractive and you would have liked to develop closeness outside such ailing marriage where there's so little closeness left in but hostility?

People are simply worried if this would get very messy or simply inappropriate?

If my marriage had ended, I probably wouldn't jump into another relationship let alone, I wouldn't be seeing someone else as soon as the current one is not working out. It takes some grieving process and I wonder, perhaps you need to speak to a therapist in this?

Please keep my wife out of this I am not obsessed with this other women that i knew once and thinking my wife to be like that. I am having problems with my marriage this is a complete different issue to what happen in the past. My reasons for marrying are nothing to do with my past I hate it when people like the two. I agree with your statement on the grieving process.

Originally Posted by chosen

chamomlile, the thing is that this lady he is wanting is married! He knew her well before he got married but never went out with her, she wasnt interested.She has since got married.

Braveheart
You are feeding this fantasy by thinking about her, and by fantasising about her and by imagining meeting her again. If you stop putting coals on the fire, it will eventually go out. If you keep feeding it it will get hotter and hotter.

There you go again ranting and raving that its all BS why dont you open your eyes on the other side of the coin for a moment.

Originally Posted by Chamomile

Well, yes there is that, too, Chosen.
Besides that, even if this lady suddenly decides to "fall" for you, what would you do once the initial passion had died down and waking up one day in a sober mood. This happens with anybody sooner or later once the honeymoon period is over. You may enjoy the thrill of the "chase", you would probably need to work out to see what went wrong with your marriage as history tends to repeat itself...

If you are with this particular lady, things will miraculously work out for you......is simply illogical and even perplexing.

That's another story I agree with you once the honey moon period is over passion does dry down and you need to build it up again especially in older years when grey hairs appear.

I have a question why didn't she kill me or do something really bad in my dream why was is a positive/good dream especially that we were together and happy and it was more than 1? To say its all fantasy and garbage and muddled up thoughts is ridiculous.

I have studied dreams and majority of them can be interpreted by experts and they point to something maybe not so apparent but part by part they come to a story about the past, present or future. Proof that dreams are real are the greatest inventors of the world dreamt their invention and turned it to reality http://dreamtalk.hypermart.net/teachers/famedrm.htm

http://www.mindpowernews.com/BrilliantDreams.htm


As they say it doesn't hurt to ask. Goodnight.

[chosen]

Brave heart You never went out with her, you never dated her, therefore you barely knew her. You have imagined what she is like. Whichever way you look at it, fantasizing about a married women especially when you are married, is wrong and totally immoral.
You may think that I am ranting and raving, but I am trying to get you to see what you are doing here. You claim that your wife has nothing to do with this, but when a man is lusting after and desiring another women when he his married to another, its BOUND to badly affect the marriage because you are committing adultery of the heart.

Dreams can be about anything. I dream many things good and bad that never happen. You are dreaming good things about her, bacause your desire is to meet her and marry her.If you were dreaming about a person that you hated, you would probably dream bad things about them. You have made promises to your wife to be faithful to her and her alone, and to forsake all others and you havent done that. Concentrate on her and on restoring your marriage, instead of chasing after something that will never happen.

Believe me, if she had been interested, she would have made it crystal clear to you back then. She has now made promises to her husband in her own marriage.She is in a covenant of marriage with him.

Did you say that you are muslim? Dont muslims believe in the santicty of marriage and keeping the vows made?

I feel sad for you, because you had one or two dreams you are convincing yourself that she is for you, and ignoring what is right and moral. You HAVE to move on from this fantasizing or you will never be happy. Stop feeding this by going to sites that you are wanting to convinve you that you are right. As long as you keep doing this you will never move on and never be happy or at peace.

Braveheart, honey, I can feel your pain in your writing. Are you in the UK? If you are then I want you to go see your GP and talk to him/her about this... and GP can help you so that things don't hurt so much.

I think if you can take some of the pain away you might find you are able to think more clearly on this matter.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

[im-just-me]

Originally Posted by MsEraz

Braveheart, honey, I can feel your pain in your writing. Are you in the UK? If you are then I want you to go see your GP and talk to him/her about this... and GP can help you so that things don't hurt so much.

I think if you can take some of the pain away you might find you are able to think more clearly on this matter.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

great advice there from mseraz, see your doctor or at least talk to a counsellor who can help you work through your feelings, we know that your feelings are real, and it does hurt and you are confused so talking to someone professional will help you.

[chosen]

Braveheart will need to recognise that he needs help first.

Originally Posted by chosen

Brave heart You never went out with her, you never dated her, therefore you barely knew her. You have imagined what she is like. Whichever way you look at it, fantasizing about a married women especially when you are married, is wrong and totally immoral.
You may think that I am ranting and raving, but I am trying to get you to see what you are doing here. You claim that your wife has nothing to do with this, but when a man is lusting after and desiring another women when he his married to another, its BOUND to badly affect the marriage because you are committing adultery of the heart.

Dreams can be about anything. I dream many things good and bad that never happen. You are dreaming good things about her, bacause your desire is to meet her and marry her.If you were dreaming about a person that you hated, you would probably dream bad things about them. You have made promises to your wife to be faithful to her and her alone, and to forsake all others and you havent done that. Concentrate on her and on restoring your marriage, instead of chasing after something that will never happen.

Believe me, if she had been interested, she would have made it crystal clear to you back then. She has now made promises to her husband in her own marriage.She is in a covenant of marriage with him.

Did you say that you are muslim? Dont muslims believe in the santicty of marriage and keeping the vows made?

I feel sad for you, because you had one or two dreams you are convincing yourself that she is for you, and ignoring what is right and moral. You HAVE to move on from this fantasizing or you will never be happy. Stop feeding this by going to sites that you are wanting to convinve you that you are right. As long as you keep doing this you will never move on and never be happy or at peace.

I think you are being too extreme here. Yes, I agree with you I barely know her but to say I am lusting after her and obsessed with her it thinking in a fantasy world is not want I want and not what I am thinking. For that to be true I would have said things like I thought of her day and night and I am about to commit suicide if I can't have her then you would have a case. You sound like a strong christian or priest, which I admire as we share the same principles, but you have to understand that the feelings I had years ago and now haven't altered in any way and I HAVE tried to remove them I need a remedy for them. No Doctor or Councilor will even believe me I believe more in people who have had a similar experience than those money hungery doctors who told me there was nothing wrong with me once about a medical condition when I did have one and I found it through the marvelous internet. Yes, I agree with you realistcally that I should improve my marriage and forget her but the thing is I haven't? Or how long will it take? A lifetime?

Your probably not going to believe me, but I have had another dream about her last night for what its worth we were in some class together with a teacher I was on a higher floor 1 up and she was downstairs sitting on a desk looking up and I was looking down I touched my face and I was dripping in tears? I went to the shopping center today and in a hurry was looking for crackers when I stopped and seen a similar looking women height and look although from a side angle from a distance she stared at something without turning her head for a min so I left that isle and went striaght back she was walking towards me and suddenly turned not saying it was defo her but spooky things are happening I was about to run after her but I would make myself look daft if I mistaken her for someone else.

I want these dreams and feelings to go away once and for all I don;t want a doctor are they are useless.

Do you think there is any point telling my wife about it saying we are near divorce anyway? She did say once that through your eyes it seems as though you have lost someone, sometime ago?

[chosen]

You wife is perceptive, and probably knows that all is not well with you. Women can usually pick up on these things when their man is preoccupied with another women. Is there any hope for your marriage if you put 100% into it and into her and not this other lady?
The thing is braveheart, that dreams are usually about the things that we are thinking about and that are on our minds. Your mind is full of this lady and so of course you are likely to dream about her.You think that you see her all over the place because she is on your mind so much.
No I am definatelty no priest, just a christian for many many years and I love Jesus loads, I wish that you were a believer as well, because I would suggest that you ask Jesus for help. He can heal and restore lives and I truly believe that He can and would help you far more than any doctor or counsellor could. In fact, why not ask Him anyway to help you and to take away all of this stuff from your mind and heart.
Ask him to make you new and to give you a fresh start and new beginning, away from this lady who seems to only give you torment and pain. Its worth a try isnt it? He is always there waiting.

Just an update on my situation I hope someone can help me I know this is an old thread, but my world is crashing on me. I got divorced as I wasn't given the respect nor been cared for by my ex and now feel so lonley and the haunted girl is back again in my mind not so much the day but at night and I can't sleep tossing and turning and praying to god get her out my mind, but she keeps coming back in. What should I do?