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Old 24th February 2012, 09:47 PM   #1
kkmellen
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1
Red face bipolar, an affair and baby!

I have never done this before and feel kinda weird about it, but have no where else to turn. My husband and I have been married almost 6 months and together 6 years. We have had our ups and downs throughout, but finally were on a good road, I thought. A few months before our wedding my husband had a bipolar manic episode and FINALLY went and got the help needed and on medication. The change has been wonderful since then, up until now. While he was manic he cheated on me, before we were married. This is a common symptom of bi-polar and I am somewhat understanding of that (dealing with is since he is in therapy for it), but during the short time he was with the girl a baby was made. My husband came clean to me and his family when he found out, about 3 months before our wedding. His family was furious as I was too. His family is willing to support him in getting help for his bipolar but told him they wanted nothing to do with the kid, same as I. I am a Christian so this is hard for me, but I can't imagine having to see something on a regular basis that reminds me of my husbands infidelity on a regular basis when I am trying to work past it. After much conversation we decided to still get married and he decided that he did not want anything to do with the child, but would support it financially. His family and I supported him in this decision and agreed to offer as much support as needed for therapy, lawyer, whatever. We got married because he gave me his word he was not going to have anything to do with the child, now 6 months in we are dealing with court to determine paternity and child support and now he is thinking he may want to be involved with the kid. While I should not get mad about this, I am. I feel like he is going back on his word with me and putting me in a tough position because I know for myself I can't handle that and told him before we married that I would leave him if he did. I want more then anything to have a long life with my husband and we were planning on starting our own family in the next 6 months, but I dont know what to do now that he is having 2nd thoughts. Is it "morally" ok to support a child financially but not be involved? He is struggling with this, which I understand, but not sure what to do.The childs mother and her family wants nothing to do with him either so he would not have a voice in the parenting either and he wants nothing to do with the childs mother. I don't want this to ruin my marriage and am worried that if we divorce I may never have a family of my own since I am not getting any younger and clearly wouldn't be rushing into anything else I know I probably sound horrible by asking him to have nothing to do with the child, but I am willing to support him in providing financial support.
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