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Old 3rd August 2008, 12:21 AM   #1
jonbow
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i ignored my wife now im paying

We have been married for 39yrs and over the last 2 years my wife has felt alone and ignored, she has now told me she dosnt know what or even if she has feelings towards me and any loving is out of the question. this has came as a big supprise to me but she is right.
I am now having to change my lasy life style and start doing things more together, going the club,learn to line dance (her main activity) ect.

we are still together and still in the same bed, been to see relate and it has helped, we are going to take our time to get to no each other again and are going away on holiday this thursday to france for 3 weeks,
I know i have a very good wife who dose care and wants to work this out, otherwise she would have moved out of the bedroom or out of the house.

I cant help feeling sorry for my self and want to keep her very close to me but this crowds her, i dont know what to do.
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Old 3rd August 2008, 02:28 AM   #2
1aokgal
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Jonbow...

Say you are sorry..tell her you have been nuts and that you love her and always have. Buy her a lovely piece of good jewelry and take her to dinner and give it to her. Step up to the plate and take responsibility and do all the together things. The wall will come down if you work at it. Women really are forgiving creatures. We want to love and be loved. Feel sorry for her, not for you.

Her self esteem is in the wastecan after this treatment. Give her a gift certificate to a fabulous facial at a plush salon. This neglect will cost you for awhile but lavish, unselfish giving will open the door to communication again. Good luck.
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Old 3rd August 2008, 09:05 AM   #3
Sierra
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

As we say in the US:

"If your wife is unhappy, and she is unhappy long enough, pretty soon you are going to be unhappy with half your stuff."

S
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Old 3rd August 2008, 09:12 AM   #4
Raymond
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

I would counsel patience as well Jonbow. It's good that you are now learning to give attention but the sudden change may seem a bit crowding to you wife. She will adjust in time but you must have patience and not get discouraged.

Raymond
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Old 3rd August 2008, 10:21 PM   #5
ashyah
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Be loving, gentle and patient. Don't overwhelm her. I am glad that you have realized in time before your marriage fell apart.
Continue loving her and working to make your relationship better. I am proud of you.
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Old 4th August 2008, 02:57 PM   #6
jonbow
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

thanks for listening, it hurts when your wife tells you she is not sure of her feeling towards you and dose not want sex with because she has lost her sex drive, all because of what i have done. We will work this out and i am sure we will come out all the better and hopfully closer.
But what a idoit i have been, and as a worning to others DONT TAKE YOUR BETTER HALF FOR GRANTED.
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Old 4th August 2008, 04:33 PM   #7
ilakatilol
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Yeah... one should never take the other half for granted!!!
Thats for sure!

I am in your wife's position now I think... am mad at my husband.
Anger issue getting worse... I am even beyond "sad" phase now (used to).

Just this last weekend...
(and I asked if i did anything wrong this weekend to him... I did nothing...)

BUT

HE has given me...

#1)DISRESPECT
He went on the 60 mile ride in Ohio AFTER "me" telling him not to... to NOT spend that EXTRA cash I gave him on a race so *redundant* & to put the money towards what is NECESSARY *gas*... he did not listen of course (big dis regard of my person).

Even told me 'his mom" supplied that money (which I do not believe) & that he could not "get-out" of that event because he is spending time with his family (TOTAL BULL****)... only he rides that bike as far and is that *obsessed* with it.

Another thing... he could have used the excuse I gave him with... that *I* needed him at home so he has to come home early... he never did.

I did expressed I did not want him in that *ride* for the charity event & that HE has GOT work to do (HIS own problem that HE needs to clean-up).

#2)Priorities
He has his priorities all F@$KED up! Absolutely!
He prefers bike riding time to time spent with his wife... YES.. I am neglected all right.
Why my anger issue?

This whole weekend he has gone (harmless... spending time at the reunion for family (but only on a Sat) but he did not come home till late evening (due to that F24ing bike race)... his hobby. Neglecting me & the chores HE needs to do... of course ..

He always put things off EXPECTING *ME* to do it for him when (I lost my patience at him)... well... no more FREE MAID!

His priorities between me & his hobby??? SCREWED UP!

#3) SEX
I want sex... he is too tired after his Hobby to do anything. He is *hardworking* for his hobby... when it comes to wife? He can be as *lazy* as he wants??? Well... NO MORE!

I am shopping for a brand new lover! he can't do his husbandly duty... I will find someone else who can!

#4)Disregard Me

Time and again, he has disregard me as a wife, my efforts of more than 50% into the work I do... yet every time he hit home is (what did u do today?)... well... I am free maid no more...

I am tired... very very tired. So much I need him to find a REPLACEMENT (a new wife).

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I texted him this weekend (he promised to call but never did... so many countless broken promises to me; I wonder if I should even keep my marriage vows to him...)

I say it kinda like this:

You know... why you have always complained you do not have enough money for *nice* things and money needs to be spend on continual *replacement* even of things we have not only on things we don't....

That new patio bar set bought just this year has toppled over (glass broken everywhere) due to YOUR negligence of letting the umbrella open (which I myself never used but always wondered why he likes it open since we have shade in the evening... morning sun u know). I have nagged him for 3 weeks now to close it (I did expected it to happen like this one day... but I refuse to be his dog no more).

I say... for everything he has precious BUT he is too lazy to take care of (only 3 mins of hardwork in exchange of 3 gazillions mins of woes & heartaches from redundant money spent). He'll have to replace everything sooner or later he has because he is just too F@#king lazy to take care of...

Even his wife... me will have to be replaced.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am on the verge of walking out on him. I am thinking of cheating on him as revenge... I haven't been unfaithful yet.... no body in mind u see... but am sure I can so easily find someone if I try. I want to hurt him. I have hatred towards him. I am not sure my love this time is more than my accumulated hatred for this man.

I just have this RAW anger I have a hard time dispersing...

Is this the way your wife felt??? I dunno...

But is what I am today.
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Old 4th August 2008, 06:44 PM   #8
dranoel_good
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Jon, I'd suggest you and your wife find some common ground. Even the smallest shred of sharing something that you both like between only the two of you will feel good. Good Luck.

ilakatilol, please don't steal threads, this isn't about you. It's about Jonbow. Have some respect for others.
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Old 4th August 2008, 08:22 PM   #9
ilakatilol
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

^^^ this the dick of my husband who never did appreciated me.
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Old 6th August 2008, 04:08 AM   #10
1aokgal
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Ilakatilol......

Pretty rude, crude. Did this make you feel better? Have you both considered marriage counselling? Your affect is very disturbed and you have gained not one positive point in your sad story.

One who is always the victim cannot work to better either a situation nor a life. Perhaps you could make a point to get through one day where you are not "suffering" and you have done one positive change for yourself. Yes, I suspect he will soon be out the door ..you don't have to wish it...that will take care for iteslf. You talk about cheating and guys lined up to do for you. I suspect this is more of your grandiose fantasy. Your unlovely, unhealthy outlooks would cool most guys very fast.

Why don't you write out your grievance list and print it out and give it to your husband? Haven't got the nerve? Trouble is, you tell one side of the story and I bet he has a Jim DANDY story about life with you.

Most of us who post here work to assist another or to get some ideas how to improve our lives toward a Christian purpose. I see none of that with you. What is your purpose...might I ask? Certainly, that much anger is self destructive?

Last edited by 1aokgal; 8th August 2008 at 05:35 PM.
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Old 6th August 2008, 03:49 PM   #11
ilakatilol
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Thats fine... I do like to address everything responsibly...

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
Ilakatilol......



..............................Why don't you write out your grievance list and print it out and give it to your husband? Haven't got the nerve? (Well, well??? Did your mental anguished state forget that "dranoel_good" is my husband & reading everything I wrote? Even to you?

Trouble is, you tell one side of the story and I bet he has a Jim DANDY story about life with you. (Yeah... he tried, but he later *edited* it off in the opening thread of "Self Destructive Wife"?)

Most of us who post here work to assist another or to get some ideas how to improve our lives toward a Christian purpose. I see none of that with you. What is your purpose...might I ask? (YOU can ask all you want... YOU sure do help improve other people's life with YOUR OWN *one sided views* of your *know it all* and great positive criticism on a stranger's posts... did I mentioned on your "pettiness" when you told *Jools* not to even correct you from your own one sided views? Mental case???) Certainly, that much anger is self destructive (and what has that got to worry you so much on?)?
Again, what has my personal comment to my hubby (which he did tagged my name on and is addressed to me for reply) has got to do with you??? I know him... do you know me???? Talk about someone needing MEDS!!! You really need MEDS when you are taking it out on a stranger you don't even know!!!

Oh... and in this case... YOU have anger issues & hatred towards ME!!! Why bible applies to others BUT NOT *YOU*???


Last edited by ilakatilol; 6th August 2008 at 05:44 PM.
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Old 6th August 2008, 04:24 PM   #12
1aokgal
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Why be offensive to the many who read this forum? You are sick. I would feel sorry for you but you choose your illness. You wallow in self pity so nobody else needs to wear hip boots to get through all that.

Try to have a few positive days where you say..what can I do to make HIM happy and what can I do to make it better. the best ..would be to end the pitifull marriage as you claim..at least on your end...you contribute little to that. You have nothing left but for yourself. If I did not like something I would work to change it or leave it. You see only your own mirror reflection. Then the comments "anger, hatred???" Paranoid!! You are nothing to me.

Comments? HAHAHAHA .
Lady, think of yourself as his X-wife unless you change who you are.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 8th August 2008 at 05:36 PM.
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Old 6th August 2008, 04:52 PM   #13
ilakatilol
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
Why be offensive to the many who read this forum? You are sick. I would feel sorry for you but you choose your illness. You wallow in self pity so nobody else needs to wear hip boots to get through all that.

Try to have a few positive days where you say (yes... and you do give positive feedback to me too on my thread eh??? Want more evidence on how positive you are as an example?? Only need to read WHAT YOU yourself wrote; definitely great example of a "positive attitude"! (you know the saying of "practice WHAT YOU PREACH??? DO you understand its meaning or am I talking to a 3 year old?)!!!..what can I do to make HIM happy and what can I do to make it better. the best ..would be to end the pitifull marriage as you claim..at least on your end...you contribute little (and what did I not contribute to my marriage?? Read my list??)to that. You have nothing left but for yourself. If I did not like something I would work to change it or leave it. You see only your own mirror reflection. Then the comments "anger, hatred???" Paranoid (Yeah? reread what you write about "cutting" off my head like a snake with a *MACHETE*... no anger, no hatred or violence??? Well then same can be said to my "Extreme pure Hatred" as well... its a *RANT*!!! Duh!!!) !! You are nothing to me (WHY would *I* want to be anything to YOU... you are MENTAL & scary!!! Never know when I will have my head cut of with a *machete* by you!!!!! Eek!!).

Comments? HAHAHAHA .
Lady, think of yourself as his X-wife unless you change who you are.
^^^
Wow!!! What a real mental case! WOW!

Here written is just who you are... your thread?? (Oh... and who is petty??? LOL!) So... people understand?

YOU need some facts (unless I chose to leave, then I'll be his EX) & I am allowed to BE who I am if I have to accept him as who he is (what is good for the goose IS very good for the gander)..

AND...

YOU REALLY REALLY DO need some MEDS!!!

& It even rhymes...

Last edited by ilakatilol; 6th August 2008 at 05:34 PM.
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Old 6th August 2008, 05:35 PM   #14
1aokgal
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Lady...you are sad. No time for crazies. Sorry.
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Old 6th August 2008, 05:49 PM   #15
ilakatilol
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Re: i ignored my wife now im paying

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
Lady...you are sad. No time for crazies. Sorry.
Cat got your tongue when the true "self" is revealed, no?
So much for the enlightened ignorance............. so again... I do forgive your trespass.
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