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Old 9th September 2015, 05:50 PM   #1846
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your good wishes yesterday. I took Buddy to the vet yesterday, and it turns out he hurt his back somehow. I have no idea how that could have happened. It was not abdominal pain. She took blood work which came back today and was normal. She gave him a cortisone injection for pain and gave me pain pills for him. He is already walking better even though he isn't jumping yet.

The vet said if he didn't get better she would order an MRI to look at him more closely, but she seemed pretty confident he'd be ok. I am very relieved.
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Old 9th September 2015, 07:09 PM   #1847
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Hi LDT that's really great news, I'm so relived that the little fella is ok, I have told my 2 and they are very pleased too and have sent 2 miaows to him .
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Old 9th September 2015, 07:37 PM   #1848
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Thanks, Ralf.
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Old 10th September 2015, 01:09 AM   #1849
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Great news LT.
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Old 10th September 2015, 01:35 AM   #1850
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Great news LT.
Thanks, Chosen.
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Old 10th September 2015, 04:00 PM   #1851
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I am wobbling this past few days again, please can somebody guide me, help me, advise me, or just kick me back on track or all of them, it is 7 or 8 weeks today since I last had any contact at all with WAW, it is the longest ever since I met her that we have had no contact at all, all the experts say NC is the only way but as I have said previously I have never been totally sure or keen about it, as normal she is on my mind almost every waking second of every day, a bit of me wants to test the water and see if she will meet up with me for a chat, a walk, even a curry or something but I am not sure what if any response I will get and I don't want to be snubbed, rebuked, and feel hurt and upset again, I feel like this most days anyway because of what happened over a year ago now, is this time apart still too soon to be thinking about contact ? / or should I just chance it and try my luck ?, I have the opportunity to go away in a couple of weeks but I am stalling on it as I miss her so much and I don't really want to go away with anyone but her, right no I think the chances of us taking a trip together are next to zero but you never know, I think the salesman in me often makes me think that nothing is impossible and for someone with depression I still feel that maybe under the right circumstances at the right time we could just re-connect somehow, please help me dear people I am losing focus and starting to feel quite desperate again about the entire situation, thanks ralf.
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Old 10th September 2015, 04:49 PM   #1852
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
I am wobbling this past few days again, please can somebody guide me, help me, advise me, or just kick me back on track or all of them, it is 7 or 8 weeks today since I last had any contact at all with WAW, it is the longest ever since I met her that we have had no contact at all, all the experts say NC is the only way but as I have said previously I have never been totally sure or keen about it, as normal she is on my mind almost every waking second of every day, a bit of me wants to test the water and see if she will meet up with me for a chat, a walk, even a curry or something but I am not sure what if any response I will get and I don't want to be snubbed, rebuked, and feel hurt and upset again, I feel like this most days anyway because of what happened over a year ago now, is this time apart still too soon to be thinking about contact ? / or should I just chance it and try my luck ?, I have the opportunity to go away in a couple of weeks but I am stalling on it as I miss her so much and I don't really want to go away with anyone but her, right no I think the chances of us taking a trip together are next to zero but you never know, I think the salesman in me often makes me think that nothing is impossible and for someone with depression I still feel that maybe under the right circumstances at the right time we could just re-connect somehow, please help me dear people I am losing focus and starting to feel quite desperate again about the entire situation, thanks ralf.
Hi Ralf,

You have asked her to meet before and she has not met with you. I would keep up the no contact and keep doing things that are helpful to your well-being. If you asked her again and she ignored you or said no, it could set you back further.

I would really go on that trip if I were you. Do you think you will feel better waiting around at home for her to contact you, or go on a fabulous trip with a friend? I think a trip might lift your mood a bit. And you are showing the world that you are still living no matter what is going on.

You deserve to feel better instead of what you are going through now. Please go on the trip for your own sake.
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Old 10th September 2015, 05:05 PM   #1853
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Hi Ralf,

You have asked her to meet before and she has not met with you. I would keep up the no contact and keep doing things that are helpful to your well-being. If you asked her again and she ignored you or said no, it could set you back further.

I would really go on that trip if I were you. Do you think you will feel better waiting around at home for her to contact you, or go on a fabulous trip with a friend? I think a trip might lift your mood a bit. And you are showing the world that you are still living no matter what is going on.

You deserve to feel better instead of what you are going through now. Please go on the trip for your own sake.
Hi LDT thanks for your kind reply, but it wont be a fabulous trip because only she and I had fabulous trips together, trips with anyone else are sub-standard because she is not with me, my other concern is regarding my mood, I am not sure if it will lift my mood or even have the opposite effect, the last 2 times I have been away without her I have ended up in triage at my GP with even lower mood than before I went away having to get my meds tweaked through coming home to the stark reality of her not being here, so I am really not certain about it or not, I gave up single lads trips over 20 years ago and never expected to be going on any ever again, i just enjoyed going with her, she was not just my wife but my very best friend i have ever had and i enjoyed our times away together a million more times than i ever have or ever could with anyone ever again, not only did we have such fun times together, but we also got to snuggle up to each other in a nice big double bed every night and i really miss that here and anywhere, I am staring to feel desperate again and am losing sleep over it all, I don't think that I have slept properly in about 5 nights now through waking up and worrying about things, I wake frequently through the night but eventually wake up for the day around 6am and spend the next couple of hours or so just lying in bed fretting with all sorts of frightening thoughts going through my mind, I just want her back in my life in whatever way possible at the moment I really miss her so very much and cant get her off my mind even though I have tried different ways to cope nothing has seemed to work or even ease things very much, how is the little fella ? I hope he is feeling much better and getting back to his lovely little best.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 10th September 2015 at 05:20 PM.
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Old 10th September 2015, 06:27 PM   #1854
notDoneYet
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Hi mate

We're back to this thing again. Look, I understand where you are coming from but you need to start enjoying life again without your WAW. You just have to. You hang your happiness on your R but mate, there is no R. So I think LDT is right. Go on that trip.

Roncco said it himself. One day you will be happy again. It will happen you just need to want it to happen. If you can just try and be ok on your own you never know. Anything can happen. But it starts with you mate.

Look at my situation. Can it get any worse? I really can't imagine how but I'm not laying down and letting it get the better of me. No way so at least try. It'll be awkward and it'll be hard but over time it'll get easier.
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Old 10th September 2015, 07:31 PM   #1855
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Hi mate

We're back to this thing again. Look, I understand where you are coming from but you need to start enjoying life again without your WAW. You just have to. You hang your happiness on your R but mate, there is no R. So I think LDT is right. Go on that trip.

Roncco said it himself. One day you will be happy again. It will happen you just need to want it to happen. If you can just try and be ok on your own you never know. Anything can happen. But it starts with you mate.

Look at my situation. Can it get any worse? I really can't imagine how but I'm not laying down and letting it get the better of me. No way so at least try. It'll be awkward and it'll be hard but over time it'll get easier.
No I'm back to this again not "were" back to this again I appreciate you contributing but you don't have to if you don't want to, I do want to be happy god knows I have tried / am trying so much to try to move forwards but nothing has worked so far I cant help what I'm made from I cant help the way I think or feel do you honestly think I want to feel like this over and over month after month ?, yes I know your situation is worse than mine I am very aware of that, so is LDT's, as was Ronnocco's and I genuinely feel for all of you, but I can only work with and deal with what I am given can't I ?.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 10th September 2015 at 08:32 PM.
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Old 10th September 2015, 08:56 PM   #1856
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
Hi Ralf,

You have asked her to meet before and she has not met with you. I would keep up the no contact and keep doing things that are helpful to your well-being. If you asked her again and she ignored you or said no, it could set you back further.

I would really go on that trip if I were you. Do you think you will feel better waiting around at home for her to contact you, or go on a fabulous trip with a friend? I think a trip might lift your mood a bit. And you are showing the world that you are still living no matter what is going on.

You deserve to feel better instead of what you are going through now. Please go on the trip for your own sake.
I agree with this. You asked only a few weeks ago to meet and she ignored you, she knows where you are if she changes her mind. Spending hours and hours worrying and fretting isnt going to help you at all. If you dont want to travel with anyone then maybe go alone, maybe visit some rellies in malta for 2 weeks or so. Nice warm sun at this time of year I expect, and you will come back with a whole new perspective on life. You have to accept that she is gone, and stop spending so long fretting about the past and how you can get her back.

Last edited by chosen; 10th September 2015 at 10:46 PM.
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Old 10th September 2015, 10:06 PM   #1857
notDoneYet
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Ok Ralf. I'm not here to fight with you and I won't argue with you. But listen to Chosen.

And by we're I mean us. Our wee gang. I'm on your side mate. I really am.

Peace my friend.
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Old 11th September 2015, 09:18 AM   #1858
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Ok Ralf. I'm not here to fight with you and I won't argue with you. But listen to Chosen.

And by we're I mean us. Our wee gang. I'm on your side mate. I really am.

Peace my friend.
Hi NDY, I'm not fighting or arguing with you mate I respect your in-put and I care very much about your situation, anyway your from Glasgow you would leather me, and I think I might have a couple of years on you and I have R-A so no contest.

I know what I have to do but I am only human so wobble sometimes, part of my big problem is pure loneliness, I know most mornings when I wake that the chances of me spending any meaningful human interaction with anyone is quite slim and this gets to me, by nature I am an outgoing, confident, intelligent, witty, gregarious, people winning, dynamic person, and people seem to warm to me easilly, just to put it in to perspective when I was working in sales in NHS telecoms I used to have regular appraisals, my face to face strike record in securing valuable NHS contracts was around 98-99% successful, your in sales beat that.

20 years ago this wouldn't of been the big issue that it is for me now, by now after 12 months I would of had numerous women and got most of it out of my system and may be even dating a new girl by now, I also had many flings with lasses at work one of whom asked me to marry her a few months before I met WAW, obviously I declined her kind offer, I calculated some weeks ago now that in my life that apart from the many one offs, I have had 8 or 9 women actually tell me that they had fallen in love with me, that isn't bad some people don't get any, the reason I say all this is to illustrate the real me prior to meeting and falling for WAS, I used to have a full active social life with many friends and lovers now I have next to nothing in my life, she was all I wanted and I have to fill the void left by her but I am struggling very badly to do that.

I was working externally for other companies in management positions up until around 2006 when I set up on my own working from home, we converted our spare bedroom in to a fully functioning office and things took off really well for me and I never looked back, she was always very supportive of my ventures and even helped out where she could, I loved the freedom of working from home as it allowed me such flexibility, but now she has fekked off the loneliness is really affecting me so much so that I have even been considering going out to work part time for someone else, whilst ticking over my business client base with repeat business and of course accepting new clients off the website or word of mouth but I need to look in to this as to how it might work tax wise.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 11th September 2015 at 09:28 AM.
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Old 11th September 2015, 09:40 AM   #1859
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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I agree with this. You asked only a few weeks ago to meet and she ignored you, she knows where you are if she changes her mind. Spending hours and hours worrying and fretting isnt going to help you at all. If you dont want to travel with anyone then maybe go alone, maybe visit some rellies in malta for 2 weeks or so. Nice warm sun at this time of year I expect, and you will come back with a whole new perspective on life. You have to accept that she is gone, and stop spending so long fretting about the past and how you can get her back.
HI DC, I don't want to spend my times fretting and worrying about her and how to win her back, I actually want to cut her loose and if things work out fine, if not then so be it, it was 7 weeks yesterday since I last had any contact with her and it gets to me sometimes, you see she is ok, she is busy at work 5 days a week and has plenty of family left around her to help occupy her time, I doubt however that she has much of a social life but probably more than me but that isn't really saying much .

Yes nice and warm in Malta up until November a bit too warm tbh at this time of year, I would love to go over but I honestly don't think I am emotionally ready yet, there are too many memories over there that I honestly don't know how they could affect me at this time in my life, the other excuse is the flight time, my DR has said for now keep flying time to a minimum with the DVT and Malta can be 3.5 hours or longer depending on who you fly with, in saying that we flew form Birmingham one year and that as about 2.5 hours so you never know, this is why I am keeping flights to a minimum for now, I am not keen on Spain or Portugal not my sort of thing really, but that is an option because of the shorter flight times, so I might just have to bite the bullet and do that, I just don't like being surrounded by tourists, or in tacky resorts with so called Irish bars and egg and chips, maybe 20 years ago but I have grown up since pre-WAW.
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Old 11th September 2015, 09:51 AM   #1860
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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HI DC, I don't want to spend my times fretting and worrying about her and how to win her back, I actually want to cut her loose and if things work out fine, if not then so be it, it was 7 weeks yesterday since I last had any contact with her and it gets to me sometimes, you see she is ok, she is busy at work 5 days a week and has plenty of family left around her to help occupy her time, I doubt however that she has much of a social life but probably more than me but that isn't really saying much .

Yes nice and warm in Malta up until November a bit too warm tbh at this time of year, I would love to go over but I honestly don't think I am emotionally ready yet, there are too many memories over there that I honestly don't know how they could affect me at this time in my life, the other excuse is the flight time, my DR has said for now keep flying time to a minimum with the DVT and Malta can be 3.5 hours or longer depending on who you fly with, in saying that we flew form Birmingham one year and that as about 2.5 hours so you never know, this is why I am keeping flights to a minimum for now, I am not keen on Spain or Portugal not my sort of thing really, but that is an option because of the shorter flight times, so I might just have to bite the bullet and do that, I just don't like being surrounded by tourists, or in tacky resorts with so called Irish bars and egg and chips, maybe 20 years ago but I have grown up since pre-WAW.
How about south of France? I know people who go there every year and love it. My brother has just spent a month there. Scandanavia is supposed to be lovely, and I have always wanted to go to Austria. Switzerland is really nice we went there on a sleeper train once, great for seeing the amazing scenery.

If you were to contact her and ask her to meet, or even do as I suggested before and suggest a date and time yourself, and she again rejected you, would that help you to give up on her?Would it make you feel even worse?
You could be slightly sneaky and say that you want to meet to sort out when she is going to collect her things and also about the legal ramifications of the marriage ending.
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