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9th April 2015, 08:18 PM
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 43
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Is he being controlling?
Please can anyone tell me whether they think my husband is being a little controlling or whether I'm not being courteous? Here's the story.... Our central heating has just been switched off yet the radiators are still coming on - not what you need in 20 degree heat! Anyway, we rent, our landlord has provided us with British Gas Homecare cover and I took it upon myself to ring them and arrange an engineer to come out. My OH has gone ballistic, saying I should I have consulted him, that we always talk to each other before we do things and that out of politeness I shoukd have spoken to him first. I thought I was being proactive and sorting out a problem. This isn't the first time he's done this, we had a problem late last year and again I rang BG to arrange an engineer. Is he right and shoukd I have consulted him first or is he overreacting? This might be trivia, but to be honest I don't see that I've done anything wrong so other opinions would be helpful. Thanks.
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9th April 2015, 08:21 PM
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#2
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sammie38
Please can anyone tell me whether they think my husband is being a little controlling or whether I'm not being courteous? Here's the story.... Our central heating has just been switched off yet the radiators are still coming on - not what you need in 20 degree heat! Anyway, we rent, our landlord has provided us with British Gas Homecare cover and I took it upon myself to ring them and arrange an engineer to come out. My OH has gone ballistic, saying I should I have consulted him, that we always talk to each other before we do things and that out of politeness I shoukd have spoken to him first. I thought I was being proactive and sorting out a problem. This isn't the first time he's done this, we had a problem late last year and again I rang BG to arrange an engineer. Is he right and shoukd I have consulted him first or is he overreacting? This might be trivia, but to be honest I don't see that I've done anything wrong so other opinions would be helpful. Thanks.
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Why don't you just ask him why he needs to be consulted in every decision? That way you will know either way. It'll be in his answer.
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9th April 2015, 08:25 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 43
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Just did, he said that our relationship works because we consult each other, maybe he's right.
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9th April 2015, 08:33 PM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sammie38
Just did, he said that our relationship works because we consult each other, maybe he's right.
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Good stuff. So no problem then. I'll toss something else in here in case it helps. Do you and your spouse always argue I the same place/situation? Then change it. I read a story where a couple who were arguing a lot made a pact to always argue naked. True story. By the end of the week they couldn't have an argument for laughing. As soon as one of them started unbuttoning a shirt the pair of them couldn't stop giggling. Good idea if you ask me and it stopped the fighting.
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9th April 2015, 08:48 PM
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#5
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Is he being controlling?
If he assumed it was his area I see his point. My wife always consults me with things like that. I tend to do the DIY also and it is considered my area.
The kitchen and house are her area and I try not to interfere with how she wants it to be. We argue a little over the garden as we see things differently, but now I have my own garden area. I do it for fun but she does it seriously and can get quite touchy about it if it is not by the book.
I wouldn't make too much about it.
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9th April 2015, 09:19 PM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
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Re: Is he being controlling?
No, I don't think he's being controlling. It's not uncommon for spouses to consult each other about things. If you agreed that you would consult with each other, then you both should do so.
If this were me I would just let it go.
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9th April 2015, 09:32 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Well its not something that would bother my husband in the least, in fact I think he would be pleased that I had done it. However we are all different, but I personally would feel trapped if I felt I had to consult him before I did absolutely anything. However he is your husband, so you need to work out an amicable agreement.
What would happen if there was an emergency when he wasnt around I wonder? Say a bad water leak?
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10th April 2015, 07:53 AM
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#8
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 43
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Thanks everyone, it always makes me feel better when I come on here. I haven't been around for a couple of years, mainly because I haven't felt the need but sometimes it helps to have other people's opinions.
Raymond - that's what annoyed me I think, he wouldn't think to sort things out himself, I'd have to do it anyway so I thought I was being proactive!
Chosen - exactly - he'd expect me to think on my feet then!
Anyway, I'll forget about it now and perhaps be more considerate in the future.
Have a good day everyone.
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10th April 2015, 03:09 PM
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#9
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Not to start this off again but perhaps he resented it because he would have fixed it himself and resented paying out, but if he was going to do nothing then you have a point.
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10th April 2015, 03:22 PM
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
Not to start this off again but perhaps he resented it because he would have fixed it himself and resented paying out, but if he was going to do nothing then you have a point.
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I agree with this. This could have been about spending money. If this was not an emergency, why wouldn't you consult him if you both had an agreement? Frankly, if you think he's being controlling about this there might be other issues at play. If not, this is not much of an issue in my opinion, unless you think he's being controlling in other aspects of your marriage. If he is not, I would let it go so resentment doesn't fester.
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10th April 2015, 08:08 PM
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 43
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
Not to start this off again but perhaps he resented it because he would have fixed it himself and resented paying out, but if he was going to do nothing then you have a point.
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Nothing to do with spending money, he'd already looked himself and couldn't fix it and we have Homecare cover provided by our landlord so it wouldn't cost us anything!
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10th April 2015, 08:10 PM
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#12
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 43
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Lindentree - I think I did it because I was annoyed when I got home, it was hot outside and hot in the house and I acted without thinking. Probably all my fault and agree that I should let it go.
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10th April 2015, 09:20 PM
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
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Re: Is he being controlling?
You have nothing to worry about there are people on here with genuine life changing issues, as important as it seems to you right now you still have each other therefore imho yours isn't one of them.
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10th April 2015, 09:27 PM
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
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Re: Is he being controlling?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sammie38
Lindentree - I think I did it because I was annoyed when I got home, it was hot outside and hot in the house and I acted without thinking. Probably all my fault and agree that I should let it go.
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I wouldn't say it's all your fault. It sounds like a simple misunderstanding. You probably didn't think about consulting him, especially as there was no money involved. But I would let it go if it isn't a problem that keeps coming up. I think if you had other worries about him being controlling then you would need to speak to him. I can understand if you were upset and confused about his reaction. But I would let it go, just for your own sake.
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