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Old 30th June 2015, 10:21 AM   #1531
ronnoco
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm not really sure how to answer this. I know I still feel lost without my WH. I know he doesn't want me, and I have felt at times that life wasn't worth it without him. But I know that's not right--I know it's not healthy. Life shouldn't depend on how one person feels about you. Unfortunately, people fall out of love sometimes. If we put all our hopes and dreams on one person and if they disappoint us, we have no dreams left. That doesn't sound right, does it? We need to have dreams and goals separate from that person. We can't put all our eggs into their basket.

People disappoint us sometimes--that's just a fact. That's when we learn to rely on ourselves, and God if you are a believer.

I have learned that everything in my life was about my WH--but I needed to live for me, as well. Now I have no choice. A healthy relationship is give and take, shared and separate interests. If a spouse is happy they do not leave. Somehow, in some way they decided it would be better to go. It's painful, but true. But we can't lay down and die because they could not keep their vows. If we or anyone else does that--who wins?

I know you have a business and you have been successful in many ways--but you are too dependent on how your WW feels about you. If you weren't, you wouldn't keep wishing for death, Ralf. You have got to get out of that mindset--for your own sake. But I can't convince you that your life is worth living. You have to decide that. I hope you do soon. Don't give her all your power. It's something I'm learning, as well. You are not alone.

I've said it before and I'll say it again--don't give up.
What an absolutely fantastic post - it's this sort of attitude that will allow you to rebuild and move on and find happiness.

You should never allow one person to be the only source of your happiness. You must learn to be happy within, comfortable within your own skin. I'm still learning. I took myself out for an all you can eat carvery the other day and a walk on the beach. I quite enjoy doing things on my own now. I'm going to start swimming soon. I love DIY projects and planning new things. Even getting a new pair of trainers pleases me!

I see no point in analysing what went wrong. The past is the past, you can't change it and you're unlikely to find an answer. This sort of thing happens to at least 40% of all UK married couples. It's accepting you are one of those statistics that is the tough pill to swallow. Do you really think things would ever be the same again after a year apart? Of-course they wouldn't. You would spend the rest of your life walking on egg shells. That's not a good existence. It shouldn't have happened, we all know that. Same for me but it did - it''s out your control. You did NOTHING wrong so stop trying to find answers because it will just eat you up and make you ill.

You owe it yourself to not let it destroy your life. It's such a shame Ralf as you seem such a level headed guy with a heck of a lot to give. I think you should try on-line dating. Just select the box that you are looking for friendship, keep it at that and see what happens. You might find you meet someone lovely.

Like NDY very rightly said, the stuff you have done so far hasn't worked. I think you've got to stop this plan of trying to get her back. Accept the situation as it and adapt and overcome.

Remember, accepting the situation and reaching acceptance are 2 entirely different things.
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Old 30th June 2015, 10:46 AM   #1532
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Dear Chosen, LDT, NDY, Ronnocco, thank you all for your wise words and for caring, I don't know any of you in reality but in my own way I love and respect you all for your thoughtfulness and perennial advice, it is a year next week since the bottom dropped out of my world and I think it is playing on my mind quite a bit, I was at my GP yesterday and I mentioned my weight loss as DC advised and he wasn't overly worried said it is all part of stress and to be expected, with regards wife, then it's simple, yes she has hurt me, yes I feel totally lost without her, but I still love her and I cant help that, I still love my wife and I have nothing but happy, fun, and loving memories of her and our times together and I just cant shake the feelings off, I cant just switch it off I wish I could, I have even said that I wish I could erase my memory I know that sounds ridiculous but I have said it, I don't know what to do any more, I have had counselling, I am full of meds, I am doing cCBT and nothing seems to be working fully, even now as I type this I am crying it's 10-40AM BST and I am in my office crying and thinking about her and all we shared in our 19 years together, I am so deluded that I think she is just going to snap out of it and we will fall in to each others arms and all will be ok again, I am struggling with acceptance it is almost as if she died in front of me, the night before we were watching Brazil vs Germany in the WC and because we both like Germany we were chuffed that they had reached the WCF, during half time we were even mucking about with ping pong balls and even had a kick about in our front room and were laughing our heads off, that's how we were we often did daft little fun things like that, then that night we went to bed holding hands as normal and I cuddled her in the night I remember it as if it was last night, next morning I made us a coffee each and as she set off for work she gave me a big kiss and told me she loved me and to rmeber she was going up to herr mum's for her tea, she was wearing a red blouse, black trousers black paent court shoes, I distinctly remember saying to her has she got a coat or cardy in the car as it's a bit chilly out there and she said yes I have my cardy on the back of my seat, she left, I got on with my day, my diary tells me I booked 3 orders that day all new business, I made my tea around 5pm aand settled down listening to Hancock's half hour on radio4 extra, next thing I knew it was abou 7-15pm she came home from her mum's and the woman that came through that door was very different than the woman that had kissed me and told me she loved me only that morning, her emerald green eyes were dark almost black in colour and she was crying and shaking, and her mouth was quivering and she was speaking incoherently, she told me she was in meltdown and she didn't know where that was going to take her, she told me she had been having suicidal thoughts about going to be with her dad but not to worry as she want't going to act on them, we sat for 3 hours talking in the front room, backroom, my office, and our bedroom, we both cried and held hands and were holding each other tightly, she said she need time and space just to clear her head, I asked her not to leave but instead to sleep on it, I said you take our bed and I will either sleep on the sofa or even chk in to the hotel down the road just to give her space, I said we can talk imoren the morning if she wanted, I said that I will take days., weeks, or even months out of the business to be there for her in any way she might need me, she left went up to her mums for 2 weeks and slept on the sofa, then decided she wasn't coming home, she moved in with her brother and has remained there ever since, and here I am nearly 12 months later in bits.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 30th June 2015 at 11:19 AM.
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Old 30th June 2015, 12:49 PM   #1533
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I think this is where you are going wrong Ralf. It's ok that you love you wife. You always will. You aren't going to just stop loving her and get over it - that doesn't happen. It's all about accepting the situation for what it is. She had made her choice and she has never changed her mind. It's been a year, a very long time and nothing at all has ever changed.

It really does become a choice and only you can make the choice. It's fine to hold on and have hope that one day she might come back, think that in the back of your mind but in the front of your mind must be you finding a way of accepting her decision and building a new life for yourself.

If you don't, you will just stay in limbo, go round in circles and your health will diminish more and more.

You need a new game plan and one that doesn't involve anything to do with your wife and you have to force yourself out of your comfort zone to do it. We've been over the stuff you can do many times but this would be mine :

1.) Go out for dinner with a friend or by yourself, once a week, every week
2.) Find a new hobby or interest (no excuses either) keep trying different things
3.) Buy yourself a new wardrobe, you need clothes that fit. It will make you feel good about yourself
4.) Invest in your appearance, hair, beard, etc
5.) Go on a holiday, even if you go by yourself
6.) Change your house, make it your own. Decorate, perhaps have a new carpet, new pictures, curtains, bed linen, etc Put all of your wife's stuff in the garage or better still, arrange collection.
7.) Create an on-line dating profile for friendship/companionship only - there are hundreds of lovely English women who would adore a good old fashioned gent like yourself.
8.) Learn to be happy within and comfortable with yourself.

I hope you can trust me and all the others that will no doubt say exactly the same thing.

Remember, I'm not saying write your wife off, I'm simply saying you have to learn to put that to the back of your mind and focus on your well-being now.

If you don't, come the end of the year, you will probably reach burn out and end up in hospital...not kidding.
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Old 30th June 2015, 02:00 PM   #1534
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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I think this is where you are going wrong Ralf. It's ok that you love you wife. You always will. You aren't going to just stop loving her and get over it - that doesn't happen. It's all about accepting the situation for what it is. She had made her choice and she has never changed her mind. It's been a year, a very long time and nothing at all has ever changed.

It really does become a choice and only you can make the choice. It's fine to hold on and have hope that one day she might come back, think that in the back of your mind but in the front of your mind must be you finding a way of accepting her decision and building a new life for yourself.

If you don't, you will just stay in limbo, go round in circles and your health will diminish more and more.

You need a new game plan and one that doesn't involve anything to do with your wife and you have to force yourself out of your comfort zone to do it. We've been over the stuff you can do many times but this would be mine :

1.) Go out for dinner with a friend or by yourself, once a week, every week
2.) Find a new hobby or interest (no excuses either) keep trying different things
3.) Buy yourself a new wardrobe, you need clothes that fit. It will make you feel good about yourself
4.) Invest in your appearance, hair, beard, etc
5.) Go on a holiday, even if you go by yourself
6.) Change your house, make it your own. Decorate, perhaps have a new carpet, new pictures, curtains, bed linen, etc Put all of your wife's stuff in the garage or better still, arrange collection.
7.) Create an on-line dating profile for friendship/companionship only - there are hundreds of lovely English women who would adore a good old fashioned gent like yourself.
8.) Learn to be happy within and comfortable with yourself.

I hope you can trust me and all the others that will no doubt say exactly the same thing.

Remember, I'm not saying write your wife off, I'm simply saying you have to learn to put that to the back of your mind and focus on your well-being now.

If you don't, come the end of the year, you will probably reach burn out and end up in hospital...not kidding.
Hello again mate you are all so good to me I do appreciate it, I looked at the dating thing but I really don't think it's me, I don't have hardly any photos of myself I am just not the sort of bloke to have digital photos of himself.

Your right about burn out though I feel absolutely shattered most of the time I am badly in need of a break and change of scenery, we would of been away at least twice by now under normal conditions, this time time last year we had been to France, Belgium twice and had booked Germany for September sadly we didn't end up going but I was looking forward to it, in Malta last week it was our village festa and I was invited over by some pals in the village, obviously I didn't go but a bit of me regrets it now maybe I should of gone, I could of met up with my old pals, enjoyed the celeberations, had a few beers, chilled a bit and eaten some lovely local grub, I could kill for some stuffed quail, a couple of bragioli. or fried rabbit with garlic, or rabbit with spaggetie, or stuffed squid, or a nice plate of horse meat stew, or some big juicy Maltese sausages wow what a flavour they have, or a nice big basin of snails in garlic I miss Maltese cooking I used to cook a lot of it here for the 2 of us but now the inclination is not the same, .

One of my friends said on Sunday she can see me ending up in hospital unless I perk up a bit, the same thing happended to her sister in law and she said she can see me going the same way, she ended up on a P ward I don't want that to happen to me our local hospital has a bad enough reputation the thought of ending up in there scares me rigid.

With regards my wife yes I love her I shouldn't but I do, but she hasn't played fair with me, we agreed to stay friends her idea not mine but I went along with it for a number of reasons, however she has obviously changed her mind but didn't have the b-lls to tell me, so I have been left without any contact and it's hurt me, so much for " I can't ever see my life without you in it" which is one of the first things she said when she first dropped the bomb on me.

I like your ideas and will do my best to try and implement them bit by bit, one day I will wake up and smell the coffee I think it's just a matter of time, 19 years is a long time to spend with someone and to love and be loved back, I don't know how long it takes to get over that.

One other thing, I really like and appreciate your very kind comment "there are hundreds of lovely English women who would adore a good old fashioned gent like yourself" how do you know I'm old fashioned ? I am old fashioned but would be keen to know how you can tell as this actually made me smile ?.

Thanks again pal your a good man to take the time and trouble to help out this wounded heartbroken old duffer but you all are.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 30th June 2015 at 03:28 PM.
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Old 30th June 2015, 04:01 PM   #1535
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Yes, you definitely should have gone to Malta - it would have be great but it's not too late.

Book some time off in your diary, go to the travel agents and make it happen Ralf. It will do you the world of good. You should go every 3 months. You would have been on your fourth visit by now had you done this from the beginning. A nice holiday will be something to look forward to...that's what you need. Goals, projects, an injection of excitement. Make it happen, regardless of cost...there's always a way. You need to think of your own happiness now.

In answer to your question, hard to pin point exactly but a whole year of reading your posts I can gauge what type of person you are, see where your moral compass is set, know what family values you have and what type of man you are. You have got a very dry sense of humour and I think that's why you had your mix up with the other poster.

The very fact that you haven't so much as looked at another women says a lot. I jumped into the on-line dating game way too quick. It's a common mistake a lot of people make, especially guys but having said that - I don't regret it. Sometimes you have to cross certain hurdles in order to progress. That's why I think you shouldn't rule it out. Like I said, you don't need to have a full blown relationship. There are tick boxes that will fit your situation. Some female company might do you the world of good.

Infact, why not use that as a reason to get yourself make in order. Put on a bit of weight, regain the equilibrium, get hat new wardrobe. You can easily get some digital photos done by a pal or better still, just go into a shop in town and get them down properly. It's worth the £20.

Sometimes in life you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and I think that's what you need to do. I solve problem for living and there is a solution to every problem, you just need to find it but you've got to be willing to find it...it's all about moving forward now.
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Old 30th June 2015, 04:22 PM   #1536
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Thank you ronnocco old chap, I find you a very interesting and perceptive sort of chap, you say "The very fact that you haven't so much as looked at another women says a lot" this isn't totally 100% true I spent some time with my wee pal on sunday and she is a canny lass, must admit when she bent over to get something out out off the fridge I did take a pike down her top to get a sneaky peak at her threpennies , with regards the other poster she is obviously a very damaged person (aren't we ruddy all) and I actually feel sorry for her as she has a very low opinion of men obviously brought about by her sad experiences, but I take great exception when someone challenges my values, yes I'm no angel but to insinuate that I would cause abuse to my wife in any way was a line too far and sickened me, offended me, and disgusted me, I would never do that to any woman just the thought of such an acusation turns my stomach.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 30th June 2015 at 04:55 PM.
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Old 30th June 2015, 11:34 PM   #1537
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

ralf you were more or less right when you said it was as if she had died in front of you. That is sort of how you need to see it, as if she had died, and that you are grieving as if she had died, and that you need to accept that the marriage had died.
Once you can do that, I feel that you will begin to stop looking back to how things were, and begin to realise that you can still do nice things like have holidays and go out and have hobbies and meet new people.
When my marriage ended, me and the kids had only one week away in 6 years due to lack of money, you are very blessed to be able to afford to have holidays, and there is nothing to stop you, especially if you have friends who are asking you to go. IF I had had the money I would have taken them away far more.
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Old 1st July 2015, 08:50 AM   #1538
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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ralf you were more or less right when you said it was as if she had died in front of you. That is sort of how you need to see it, as if she had died, and that you are grieving as if she had died, and that you need to accept that the marriage had died.
Once you can do that, I feel that you will begin to stop looking back to how things were, and begin to realise that you can still do nice things like have holidays and go out and have hobbies and meet new people.
When my marriage ended, me and the kids had only one week away in 6 years due to lack of money, you are very blessed to be able to afford to have holidays, and there is nothing to stop you, especially if you have friends who are asking you to go. IF I had had the money I would have taken them away far more.
Hi DC I know we were always fortunate to travel as much as we did, in fairness though people weren't knocking on the door giving us the money to do it we both worked very hard to afford what we did together, on the few occasions I have been away pot-bu I haven't enjoyed it a fraction as much as with her, we always travelled well together and having similar interests our days and evenings were always filled with exciting and nice things to do, this cant be one sided surely she must miss this too, well she knows where I am if she wants to do it again, worryingly I have had a bad start to the day I woke up having one of those damn panic attacks trying to catch my breath so been awake a few hours already and feeling very tired not just through lack of sleep but also through general burn out, did you know that there is no 24 hour number where panic attack sufferers can ring for assistance ?, wouldn't you think in 2015 when mental health issues are no longer taboo that there would be access 24/7 for sufferers ?, not just for me but for the many sufferers out there, living alone you feel very alone during an attack and it is quite scarey, I am calmer now having taken some tablets but I can still feel the effects in my chest and stomach, oh well a spot of tea and toast should kick start the day.
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Old 1st July 2015, 12:48 PM   #1539
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

It's all stress related. The sooner you start moving forward, the sooner these things will ease up.

You need to stop this mind set of reminiscing over the past or wondering what you wife is feeling or thinking. It's irrelevant. She knows where you are, she's never changed her mind - this is what she wants - you must remember that and start accepting it is what it is.

I remember a strange experience a few weeks after my wife and I broke up. I went swimming with the kids and my sister and it just felt totally bizarre, totally foreign. It just didn't feel right going swimming without my wife. It's just habit. It's what we are used to - it's about breaking the mould.

As time went on and I accepted the situation, I learnt to feel totally comfortable with it just being my kids and me. Now, I can't imagine having the ex there. It will be the same for you and the holidays and everything else. This is what I was trying to get at. You'll be out of your comfort zone, it wont be amazing but you've just gotta stick at it for the greater good.

If I had more disposable income, i's be on holiday every 3 months. I'd happily go to a European county on my own and explore.

My wife and I can start divorce proceedings in a week as it will be 2 years next Monday - can't wait! - really want to be officially divorced...will be like a fresh start :-)
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Old 1st July 2015, 12:56 PM   #1540
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Well it would appear that today is my lucky day, purely by chance I have received a lovely e-mail from a nice sounding gentleman called Officer Wilfred J Mbongo of the Lagos city police department, apparently they have found 12 million $ (USD) in a bank vault and he believes that every cent of it belongs to me, now in order for me to inherit this huge unexpected pile of cash all I need to do is to send him my passport number, and also my bank details so they can deposit it all in to my account for me, so I will do that shortly and live like a king from now on, I might even book a flight to Chicago O'Hare in order to help our good friend LDT with her move this week I am sure an extra pair of hands wouldn't go a miss with her move, I am also going to buy a crown, a mace, an ermin gown and some spats, and a huge mansion on the Cheshire plain and a holiday villa in Malta and a smaller one in Gozo, I think from now on I am only going to mix with very posh people too.
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Old 1st July 2015, 01:12 PM   #1541
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Well it would appear that today is my lucky day, purely by chance I have received a lovely e-mail from a nice sounding gentleman called Officer Wilfred J Mbongo of the Lagos city police department, apparently they have found 12 million $ (USD) in a bank vault and he believes that every cent of it belongs to me, now in order for me to inherit this huge unexpected pile of cash all I need to do is to send him my passport number, and also my bank details so they can deposit it all in to my account for me, so I will do that shortly and live like a king from now on, I might even book a flight to Chicago O'Hare in order to help our good friend LDT with her move this week I am sure an extra pair of hands wouldn't go a miss with her move, I am also going to buy a crown, a mace, an ermin gown and some spats, and a huge mansion on the Cheshire plain and a holiday villa in Malta and a smaller one in Gozo, I think from now on I am only going to mix with very posh people too.
You'd better hurry, Ralf! The movers are coming in 8 hours.

It's only 7:12 a.m. here. I should be sleeping! zzzz....
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Old 1st July 2015, 01:16 PM   #1542
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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It's all stress related. The sooner you start moving forward, the sooner these things will ease up.

You need to stop this mind set of reminiscing over the past or wondering what you wife is feeling or thinking. It's irrelevant. She knows where you are, she's never changed her mind - this is what she wants - you must remember that and start accepting it is what it is.

I remember a strange experience a few weeks after my wife and I broke up. I went swimming with the kids and my sister and it just felt totally bizarre, totally foreign. It just didn't feel right going swimming without my wife. It's just habit. It's what we are used to - it's about breaking the mould.

As time went on and I accepted the situation, I learnt to feel totally comfortable with it just being my kids and me. Now, I can't imagine having the ex there. It will be the same for you and the holidays and everything else. This is what I was trying to get at. You'll be out of your comfort zone, it wont be amazing but you've just gotta stick at it for the greater good.

If I had more disposable income, i's be on holiday every 3 months. I'd happily go to a European county on my own and explore.

My wife and I can start divorce proceedings in a week as it will be 2 years next Monday - can't wait! - really want to be officially divorced...will be like a fresh start :-)
Hello mate yes I know what you mean, a lot of things feel bizarre, one of which even still is sleeping alone, I still wake up many a morning and think she is still lying beside me and then of course the penny drops that I'm alone, it used to feel lovely to feel her lying beside me cuddling up to each other.

I have thought numerous times about taking a trip on my own even looked in to it a bit, I have quite fancied taking the Eurostar to Brussels and just bobbing around there for a few days, but I have 2 worries about doing it at the moment, one is my mood and where it might take me as this morning has proven, the other is my physical fitness with having the dodgy right knee I am a little wary of having an accident while away on my own and it's putting me off a bit, I suppose everything in time and things will start to fall in to place when they are meant to I suppose, at the moment I'm still wounded, hurt, lost and still confused about it all, and my feelings and emotions can be all over the place, it is as previously discussed a death, something has died suddenly right in front of me with no warning in French "morte subite" I know this because there is a famous Belgian beer of the same name.

To be honest just while I'm sitting here thinking about it I don't know what I want out of life any more, we just used to live our lives and get on with things, we used to have nice weekends together, cosy evenings in, and a few fab holidays a year, I used to go out with my mates for a pint now and then and she did similar, but now the whole way of life and it's dynamic has completely changed, you know yourself just how tough it can be and I guess it's been the same for her too but she chose her path, I'm glad your happy and content with your lot it's the least you deserve, I look forward to the day when hopefully I feel the same.

I have often wondered this past year if we had children would this of happened ?, I suppose it's irrelevant but I do sometimes wonder if deep down she regrets it as she reaches her mid 40's, we talked about it many times in our first few years together but always came up with the same answers that we were happy with 2 cats and a nice peaceful lifestyle in which we travelled frequently and just had a nice life together, we did lose a baby once before we married, we didn't know she was pregnant as that wasn't the plan so we were both shocked, sadly she miscarried while I was at my works xmas party, apparently she slipped down the stairs carrying basket of washing and fell down maybe the last 4 stairs or so and landed on her coxix and then nature took it's course, she didn't tell me till next day I wish she had rang me and told me I would of been home in a shot, but I can't remember how we dealt with it, I don't really remember us talking about it, I guess as we were getting married the following June we had other things to occupy us, but I have thought about that little incident a number of times this past year.

Also what's the weather like where you are today ?, it's gone grey and overcast here I hope it rains, it's that clammy sort of sticky warmth here not pleasant at all, I hope it does rain just to cool things down a bit and my plants all need a good drenching they are struggling a bit and there is nothing like a good summer down poor to perk up flagging plants and roses.

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Old 1st July 2015, 03:45 PM   #1543
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Its completely boiling down in the South, I hate the very hot weather. I have the portable AC on and thats pretty good, and my dog wont be going on a walk till about 10pm this evening!!!.I took her out at 9.30am in the shade only, and even then I came back very uncomfortable.

BTW ralf if you worry about going abroad and not being well, there are countless beautiful places you can visit in the UK. I have had SO many good holidays here, we are so blessed. Being where you are you are not too far from the Lake Distract, and the Yorkshire dales and moors. Both such lovely places.
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Old 1st July 2015, 03:58 PM   #1544
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by chosen View Post
Its completely boiling down in the South, I hate the very hot weather. I have the portable AC on and thats pretty good, and my dog wont be going on a walk till about 10pm this evening!!!.I took her out at 9.30am in the shade only, and even then I came back very uncomfortable.

BTW ralf if you worry about going abroad and not being well, there are countless beautiful places you can visit in the UK. I have had SO many good holidays here, we are so blessed. Being where you are you are not too far from the Lake Distract, and the Yorkshire dales and moors. Both such lovely places.
Hi Chosen I'm not too keen on the hot weather myself especially at the moment with this shortness of breath I keep getting, yes your correct about some nice places to visit up this end of the country and Wales too I have always loved Wales, but it never feels like a proper holiday to me unless I go abroad, I love visiting Europe, I love their cities, I love their food and drink, I love their history and culture, and I love the feeling of being somewhere different and being away from the UK, its just that feeling of being somewhere completely different even if it's for 4,7, or 10 days, but it's not about the weather for me it can rain, hail, snow or blow a gale I don't care about the really hot weather, in fact some of the nicest times we ever had in Malta was in winter as you could get out walking the countryside so much easier than in the hot months, so beautiful with flowers all over the place, I miss those walks so much around Malta & Gozo.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 1st July 2015 at 04:06 PM.
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Old 1st July 2015, 05:53 PM   #1545
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Yes, a pointless exercise thinking if things might have been different if you had kids. You'll never know and it doesn't matter now.

Al I can say is my wife absolutely loved our children - she loved being pregnant, she just loved being a mum...but she still left and the youngest wasn't even 2.

The point is nobody knows what really ticks in someone's head - you want to think you are like one, inseparable, but for various reasons a bomb shell can be dropped on you. Me, Chosen and your good self have all experienced this...it's just the way it is. Accept, adapt and overcome - it's the only option.

You clearly love travel - focus on this Ralf, it would be a great start.

Roasting hot in North Norfolk!
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