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Old 28th June 2011, 10:38 PM   #1
Looking_for_answers
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Not enough money for her.

I am in a marriage that is failing. I know that it is my fault that we are having financial difficulties but I am doing my best to make our business succeed. I make money and she goes through it. I can never make enough to keep her happy. This week when confronted with the thought of our phone being shut off and other problems. I told her we have to rein in our spending. She was livid. Saturday and Sunday she accused me of not wanting to do anything with our two kids because I did not want to go out and blow money. I am so worried that our kids will think money=love. I don't know what to do. every time I talk to her she hangs up on me and resents me for not making enough. Other things are breaking down too. We have not been imitate for weeks. Even when we have the last two months she goes right back into nag mode. Make me money! She has a membership to a gym that she used last five months ago. I suggested we cancel it to save money she flipped out "I want to get in shape" I am utterly overcome with loneliness and depression to the point I thought about finding someone else.
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Old 29th June 2011, 01:41 AM   #2
1aokgal
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Re: Not enough money for her.

Dear Looking ...

I am curious why SHE is not working or looking for a job? This keeping a household in financial shape today usually takes two. If the kids are older than 4, mom should be in the work force.

There is also a matter of WHO handles the money, writes the checks and takes care of the incoming bills? ONE person should write the checks but TWO should meet one or two times a week at a sit down with the family account book. Every spent amount is written in the book. There is money for essentials, utilities and such and then entertainment is the ast entry. If you never cut coupons to grocery shop before, you need to learn now how much you shave of your food bills.

Buy only at discount stores and not department stores. Small kids clothing they don't wear they outgrow them. Try thrift stores for play clothes. Notice the Mercedes parked out front. Everybody does it. Food can be bought in saving or bulk stores. Make coupon clipping/filing a family thing or kids can do it for you. Buy store brand/generic and not name brands. You need a budget and a plan. You also need more money coming in and an end to impulse buys for both. It is not that you have bad money it is the attitude there. Living today everyone contributes.

My kids had newspaper routes and mowed grass and learned how to save to special things they wanted. My daughter worked pt. time in high school. She paid for most of her first snazzy red little older car with her earnings. We supplied the gas, tires and insurance so she could continue to work her job and finish school. She graduated two years instead of four by school in summers. Even at that age she was a go-getter with a mind to succeed as she is today. The family learns work ethics and life plans from a strong family working together.

Who said spending money is the way to be together? When kids are young they are happy with a game of ball played in the yard or field. There is biking the neighborhood as a family or going for a walk. Buy a gallon of ice cream for home. Make your own cones instead of pay so much for them. Pop some popcorn and play board games instead of TV.

I worked since my daughter was 4 and got best child care. Even with two incomes today and with such a weak econemy it is difficult for many families to save. It is essential for you. Make getting financially healthier a way to improve your marriage.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 29th June 2011 at 04:10 AM.
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Old 29th June 2011, 01:51 AM   #3
1aokgal
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Re: Not enough money for her.

PS Guys with little income and wife and kids at home can't afford a girlfriend. Keep your problems at home, don't make more elsewhere.
If the business doesn't work, it might be time to work for a secure salary again. Many new businesses fail.

The next time your wife tells you that, "you don't bring enough money into the house."......tell her it is her turn to put a share in there.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 29th June 2011 at 03:07 AM.
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Old 30th June 2011, 06:31 PM   #4
Chamomile
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Re: Not enough money for her.

People tend to ditch their partner in the event of loss of health, loss of fortune, loss of looks etc etc. In this case, loss of fortune?
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Old 1st July 2011, 03:34 AM   #5
1aokgal
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Re: Not enough money for her.

"In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer,...." more marriages go down the tube over finances than other issues. Beats me why some women feel the man should pull the wagon alone? The days when the man was the sole breadwinner are pretty much history.

If I had not gotten out and worked for years we would not be sitting in a beautiful home and have advantages today. The income for years wasn't that great, but with two there was progress. In the US an employed woman pays into the Social Security fund for retirement as well. One retirement income is not enough for most to live comfortably.

It also costs a lot to educate todays children so they get the kind of education to be successful in life. College/University costs have risen so much that without loans and grants many cannot attend. This requires a plan and works best to start a fund when the child is young. All that takes money and two to supply it.
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Old 1st July 2011, 08:35 AM   #6
Raymond
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Re: Not enough money for her.

The basics are food, clothing and shelter. These are the main things. Everything else is a plus.

I think you need to stand up to her. The more money increases the more desire can increase and the more you are unable to cope with less. A lot of thought needs to be gone into what is essential and what is not. What luxuries can be afforded and what can't. Basically you need to decide, with her input as well, what the priorities are. If money is just being wasted then you need to put your foot down and say no.

To have this nagging pressure to earn more can be an awful pressure which you don't need. I am thinking of your health also here. The kids aren't starving, they have clothes and they are housed. Their basic physical needs are met. Love will find a way to give them an interesting life, with or without money.
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Old 1st July 2011, 03:20 PM   #7
abely
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Re: Not enough money for her.

I agree that Although its for sure the man’s full responsibility but woman can help if things are very bad...

But can I put a different prospective on this...

There is so many reasons for your wife to be acting like this other than she just loves money and being extravagant, for example...

People come from different backgrounds and different mean levels, and if she was from a wealthy family or has been spoiled before... then may be to her she is already living on the minimum and think she is trying hard and compromising so much.... even if it seemed otherwise to you.

Also, It could be the other way round, where she had tough life before, and now all she wants is to live comfortably and don’t want suffer anymore... and she doesnt want see her kids go throught what she suffered.

The only person that can know the answer to this is you... so before you start blaming her... think about her and put yourself in her position and think why is she doing this... it will make it easier for you to find away to explain to her and to show her that you doing everything in your ability to give her the best life you can give...

but regardless make sure you make her feel that you fully aware of how she feels and how its furstrating for her and that you are actually sorry to make her live below the level of life she sees best for her... i know it seems too much... but she is your wife in the end.... and for a women sometimes logics just doesnt work as its about how they feel.... may be she is consuemed witht he feelign that you dont want spend on her so she cant see the money issue and only she sees how you not loving her enough... yes money is not love but for a woman to feel secure is very importent... so tell her what you will do for her when you stand on your feet again and this is only a short term, as nothing makes you more happy than spending on her and the kids and giving them everything they want... and how it actually upsets you seeing her not having everything she want... so you become on the same side as hers.... and then trust me she will start to appreciate what you doing for her and sees it from your prospective...

Last edited by abely; 1st July 2011 at 05:29 PM.
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Old 1st July 2011, 05:51 PM   #8
chosen
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Re: Not enough money for her.

It doesnt sound as if it is your fault to me, but that she needs to learn that we all need to live within our means. When my children were small, I was a mum who stayed at home and looked after them. Even once they all went to school, 2 of them had a chronic health condition at that time, which meant that one of the other of them was often home from school ill, and so I was unable to work. Ok we didnt have much, but that was what we knew that was the right thing to do. I was also unable to work evenings or weekends because my husband worked shirfts on a 7 week pattern and usually worked at those times.
We did strugggle, and we didnt have spare money, but as Raymond said, as long as you have housing, food and clothes everything else is a bonus and small children really arent bothered about money, big houses etc. They would far far rather spend time with their parents than have loads of things.

I do feel for you. She is being childish and cruel going on and on about money and not being prepared to manage on what you have coming in.To attack you for not being rich is very immature. Do you think that she may agree to marriage counselling where maybe some of these issues can be adressed?

Last edited by chosen; 1st July 2011 at 06:25 PM.
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Old 1st July 2011, 06:27 PM   #9
Helen_uk
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Re: Not enough money for her.

If she's accusing you of not wanting to take the kids out and blow money... then take the kids out and find things that are free to do , you don't say how old they are but you're right in thinking that money shouldn't equal love.

If she wants membership to a gym then suggests she earns it herself , offer to take the children off her hands for a few hours a week ( if they are too young to be left ) so she can go to work or suggest she find a part time job when they are at school . You shouldn't have to bear the full burden in this day and age for supporting the family AND providing luxuries for your wife. This not the 1930's !

I know how difficult it is in the present climate to keep a business going. My partner runs his own business and works very long hours , it hardly pays enough to live on so he also works as a courier. I'm on a disability benefit and that goes into the pot too when I'm at his home. I don't expect him to keep me.

During my marriage I had to stay at home for my disabled son while my husband worked , we had few luxuries but managed ( certainly no gym membership ! ) If your wife wants to get in shape I would suggest she walk or jog as this costs nothing .
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Old 4th July 2011, 06:32 AM   #10
1aokgal
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Re: Not enough money for her.

When one has a business in these economic times there needs to be one cash reserves of one year minimum to support overhead through startup woes. It is a fact most new businesses fail within first year.

A business owner has to provide for benefits as health insurance and liability insurance in some cases. A sole proprietor has no stability of salary and there are debts for location lease, equipment, taxes and other bills. It takes background, location, and a good product plus good luck today to overcome lackluster business. If it dosen't work one has to be courageous enough to make a move before the loss turns into a bankruptcy.

In poker a player has to know when to raise and when to fold.
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