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Old 11th September 2015, 09:47 PM   #1876
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Ta pal, not looking at closing down the business that would be daft after all I have achieved, just looking at running something along side it, more health over wealth if you understand me ?.
you can look for part time work on those sites as well.
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Old 12th September 2015, 10:24 AM   #1877
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I was listening to our local radio stations weekly Northern Soul programme last night and they played this track which always reminds me of my wife and our great weekenders at the annual Modchester event https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cf0vckVvz-k happy days but made me cry last night, if anyone wants to hear any more of our brilliant famous Northern Soul try here, I know especially LDT and NDY like music I hope they enjoy it and maybe it helps cheer them up, anyway here it is folks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkoxgqeMIA4 and more here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPQlMr-h5jc I cant believe I could actually dance like this at one time, keeps you fit though, if I did it now I would probably end up in A&E lol

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 12th September 2015 at 10:29 AM.
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Old 12th September 2015, 11:44 AM   #1878
notDoneYet
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Ta pal, not looking at closing down the business that would be daft after all I have achieved, just looking at running something along side it, more health over wealth if you understand me ?.
Sure, I understand. There are plenty of part time jobs out there as well as evening work.
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Old 13th September 2015, 05:13 PM   #1879
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Cheers mate, hope all is as well as possible with you.
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Old 20th September 2015, 09:55 AM   #1880
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

"You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather

But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah

Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine-looking suit is really made out of sack

I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by

Substitute me for him
Substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
At least I'll get my washing done

But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just backdated, yeah

I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth
The north side of my town faced east, and the east was facing south
And now you dare to look me in the eye
Those crocodile tears are what you cry
It's a genuine problem, you won't try
To work it out at all you just pass it by, pass it by

Substitute me for him
Substitute my coke for gin
Substitute you for my mum
At least I'll get my washing done

Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine-looking suit is really made out of sack.


You think we look pretty good together
You think my shoes are made of leather

But I'm a substitute for another guy
I look pretty tall but my heels are high
The simple things you see are all complicated
I look pretty young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah

Substitute your lies for fact
I can see right through your plastic mac
I look all white, but my dad was black
My fine-looking suit is really made out of sack"

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Old 20th September 2015, 08:35 PM   #1881
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I thought you'd listen to my reasoning
But now I see, you don't hear a thing
Try to make you see, how it's got to be

Yes, it's all that, all or nothing
Yeah, yeah, all or nothing
Come on, hot there
All or nothing for me

Things could work out
Just like I want them to, yeah
If I could have the other half of you, yeah
You know I would, but I can't, if I only could

Yes, it's yeah, all or nothing
Oh yeah, all or nothing
You'll hear my children say
All or nothing for me

I didn't tell you no lies, yeah
So don't just sit there and cry, girl

Yeah, all or nothing
All or nothing, all or nothing
Do you know what I mean, yeah?
You got to, got to, got to keep on trying, yeah

All or nothing, um hum, yeah
All or nothing, to keep on working out for me
All or nothing for me, for me, for me
Come on children, yeah

All or nothing, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
All or nothing, I kept on singing to myself
All or nothing, yeah for me, yeah
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Old 24th September 2015, 09:32 AM   #1882
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I have been thinking again, not always a good thing for me these days, I have come to a simple conclusion, she is the cause of all my current problems so therefore she must be the solution to all my current problems, I want a relationship with her I miss her very much and all that we shared in our 19 years together and I am very lonely without her, I need her back in my life somehow, I have tried various things such as writing, emailing, talking in person, praying, and even white whickery, I even sent her flowers at the start of all this, so far nothing has worked, I don't know if it has hit home but it hasn't worked, have I missed anything ?, is there anything glaringly obvious that I have missed ?, I need her in my life I am free falling without her in many ways even my GP and the priest have mentioned I am not the man I was last year, so how do I get her back in my life ?, I am willing to start as friends and take it from there we were always best of friends anyway as well as husband and wife, but I need her and miss her, it has been 9 weeks today total NC is it nearly time to break that contact ?. I am also going to have a good think while I am away to see if I can think of any other way to get her back, any ideas anyone ?.
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Old 24th September 2015, 09:46 AM   #1883
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

No ralf, except accepting reality.
Is she refuses to met you then not sure what can be done.
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Old 24th September 2015, 10:21 AM   #1884
notDoneYet
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Quote:
I am not the man I was last year
Start here. Become him again first and foremost.
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Old 24th September 2015, 12:58 PM   #1885
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
Start here. Become him again first and foremost.
Good advice, but here lies part of the problem, I am very unhappy now but when she was here I was happy and a large part of that happiness was down to her because of our life together and our love for each other as husband and wife did make me very happy, now if she was to come back in to my life then I would be happy again and after a while would hopefully be the man I was before, this is what I was saying about her being the problem and the cure, I just genuinely feel right now that I cant be happy without her, I feel incomplete as if half of me has disappeared over night, I can honestly say hand on heart that I enjoy next to nothing without her, not even going out for a pint with mates, I don't enjoy eating much these days, I have always loved cricket but I dint even watch the ashes series, I am going away very soon but I'm not looking forward to it very much because she wont be there and I'm not going to one of our special places with her, I'm going somewhere we would never of chosen to go but I'm going because there are no memories for me there, I love my kitties and they are the only things in my life that bring me some kind of happiness, I hate say it because it saddens me but I still feel sad, miserable, hurt, shocked damaged, and completely devastated by this entire experience and I don't know when or how I am going to recover from it I wish I did.
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Old 24th September 2015, 01:13 PM   #1886
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

The only way to get back to your old self is for you to get motivated and start 'Faking it till you make it'. It may not seem like it right now but it is possible to become happy again but you have to want to try.

Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy or not. I get what you are saying about your WAW but while you continue to look to her for your happiness you're never going to be happy. It's pretty much the same for them only in reverse. My WW looked at me as her source of unhappiness but it wasn't me. It's inside her.

For your good self the circular reasoning isn't getting you anywhere. You're over a year separated but you keep coming back to the same places. As difficult as it is moving on is your only option.
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Old 24th September 2015, 03:54 PM   #1887
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I suppose this is an issue for all who either loose their beloved partners through death or divorce, the need to find a life and happiness without them.
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Old 24th September 2015, 04:57 PM   #1888
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Quote:
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I suppose this is an issue for all who either loose their beloved partners through death or divorce, the need to find a life and happiness without them.
This is very true, and so many people including my counselling lady that I used to visit have said that I am grieving as if she had died, I do things that grieving husbands do such as not moving certain things that she put in a certain place, or not unfolding something she folded, and of course I still have so much of her stuff here that I could go to if I wished but I very rarely do, I still often gently tap the cushions on her sofa where she used to watch TV with me or bury her head in her many crime and murder books, and today I found her bespoke egg cup in the kitchen cupboard while I was looking for something else, that made me feel a bit sad as it reminded me of sunny Saturday mornings having brekkie together and planning where to go out for the day, I guess its all part of a learning curve and maybe one day I might just bag up all her clothes and tell her to come and get them or else I will give them all to the cats protection league, she has some lovely clothes and was always immaculately turned out, she also gleamed with cleanliness her lovely flame coloured hair used to shine in the sun and her deep emerald green eyes used to sparkle like the emeralds in her engagement and eternity rings, I miss you so badly sweetheart in almost everything I do please come and talk to me my darling wife, what we had together was so wonderful and so many people could never find what we found together just give us a chance to talk I am certain we can sort something out between us with honest dialogue and understanding.
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Old 24th September 2015, 05:07 PM   #1889
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
The only way to get back to your old self is for you to get motivated and start 'Faking it till you make it'. It may not seem like it right now but it is possible to become happy again but you have to want to try.

Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy or not. I get what you are saying about your WAW but while you continue to look to her for your happiness you're never going to be happy. It's pretty much the same for them only in reverse. My WW looked at me as her source of unhappiness but it wasn't me. It's inside her.

For your good self the circular reasoning isn't getting you anywhere. You're over a year separated but you keep coming back to the same places. As difficult as it is moving on is your only option.
I'm not very good at faking things NDY, maybe 20 years ago but not now, I do want to be happy god only knows how much effort I have put in to different things to aid my mood and mental health, but I still feel so shocked that she did what she did and just how sudden and out of no where it came, I find it all so sinister that someone you thought you knew inside out and had such and honest, trouble free, and loving relationship with could suddenly become this stranger from another planet, I still don't understand and I don't think I ever will unless she has told me lies and one day she tells me the real reasons for leaving "to be alone", my wee friend tells me she still receives official NHS letters from her regarding patients at her practice and whenever she gets one she herself often wonders what really happened to her that night.
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Old 24th September 2015, 05:25 PM   #1890
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

You're going on your trip soon. I would leave this behind me. Soak up what is around you, enjoy the company and food.

This situation will be here when you get back. Why not think about it then?
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