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Old 22nd May 2015, 10:16 AM   #1276
notDoneYet
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Thanks mate I remember it now, she isn't looking after the cats though that would mean giving her a key and that's not going to happen, this has become my fortress, I used to love sharing this place with her now I don't trust her how bad is that ?
No, that's not bad. I just thought it was a good way to make contact. Something like 'Hi I'm going to (insert placename here) for the weekend and need someone to look after the cats for me'.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 12:02 PM   #1277
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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No, that's not bad. I just thought it was a good way to make contact. Something like 'Hi I'm going to (insert placename here) for the weekend and need someone to look after the cats for me'.
I agree it is a good idea in principle, but the ruse falls to pieces when I don't give her the keys to our house, I suppose I could always say it and not do it, something like "hi xxxxx, one weekend soon I'm going to Cowdenbeath house hunting as we are looking to eventually move up there, if xxxxx can't look after the house that weekend I was wondering if you could keep an eye on xxxxx & xxxxx for me ?."
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Old 22nd May 2015, 12:08 PM   #1278
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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I agree it is a good idea in principle, but the ruse falls to pieces when I don't give her the keys to our house, I suppose I could always say it and not do it, something like "hi xxxxx, one weekend soon I'm going to Cowdenbeath house hunting as we are looking to eventually move up there, if xxxxx can't look after the house that weekend I was wondering if you could keep an eye on xxxxx & xxxxx for me ?."
I would suggest that you are giving away TOO much information.

Try something like "Hi W. Can you take the cats (insert weekend here). I have plans and wont be home"
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Old 22nd May 2015, 12:11 PM   #1279
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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I would suggest that you are giving away TOO much information.

Try something like "Hi W. Can you take the cats (insert weekend here). I have plans and wont be home"
Ok so no mention of why I'm going and definitely no mention of Cowdenbeath ?.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 12:14 PM   #1280
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Ok so no mention of why I'm going and definitely no mention of Cowdenbeath ?.
Precisely

Once you do this I would seriously advise you to go on a trip that weekend. Get out of town for a couple of days. Before you arrange all this go online and look at properties in a nice place. Download and print a few brochures.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 12:29 PM   #1281
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

But as she wont be looking after the kitties I will then have to backtrack and tell her I'm not going but really I will go and my neighbour can keep an eye on things for me, I think im beginning to get a bit confused, this is the problem with ruses you can easily trip yourself up with them which is why I don't use them very often, I just used to be 100% truthful with her about everything, I'm just not a good lier, from time to time over the years she used to laugh and say to me that she knew she could always trust me and that I could never have an affair because if I did I would end up telling her about it.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 22nd May 2015 at 12:35 PM.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 12:41 PM   #1282
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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But as she wont be looking after the kitties I will then have to backtrack and tell her I'm not going but really I will go and my neighbour can keep an eye on things for me, I think im beginning to get a bit confused, this is the problem with ruses you can easily trip yourself up with them which is why I don't use them very often, I just used to be 100% truthful with her about everything, I'm just not a good lier, from time to time over the years she used to laugh and say to me that she knew she could always trust me and that I could never have an affair because if I did I would end up telling her about it.
I'm not suggesting you lie.

I did suggest you go away for the weekend (not a lie)
I didn't suggest you tel her why (this would be a lie)

See now?

You've said it many a time 'Do they think about us and what we are doing?'. Well, this is an opportunity for you to get away for a bit which will be good for you AND to get her thinking 'What's he up to?'.

We can always refine it but what you shouldn't do is blurt anything out to her. The cats were a reason to get her interested in a minimal way. This is GAL in action.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 01:54 PM   #1283
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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I'm not suggesting you lie.

I did suggest you go away for the weekend (not a lie)
I didn't suggest you tel her why (this would be a lie)

See now?

You've said it many a time 'Do they think about us and what we are doing?'. Well, this is an opportunity for you to get away for a bit which will be good for you AND to get her thinking 'What's he up to?'.

We can always refine it but what you shouldn't do is blurt anything out to her. The cats were a reason to get her interested in a minimal way. This is GAL in action.
I get you, and I promise not to mention any where in Scotland with funny place names not even Ecclefechan, Auhenshuggle, Kilconquhar, Stenhousemuir, or even Auchtermuchty, I give you my word as a born again Christian with 2 belly buttons to prove it.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 02:24 PM   #1284
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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I get you, and I promise not to mention any where in Scotland with funny place names not even Ecclefechan, Auhenshuggle, Kilconquhar, Stenhousemuir, or even Auchtermuchty, I give you my word as a born again Christian with 2 belly buttons to prove it.
Ha ha, love it.
So start putting together that plan. Where you want to visit would be a good place to start.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 03:12 PM   #1285
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Ha ha, love it.
So start putting together that plan. Where you want to visit would be a good place to start.
Might catch the Eurostar to Brussels or Lille, cram myself full of cheese, musells and craft beers.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 03:25 PM   #1286
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Might catch the Eurostar to Brussels or Lille, cram myself full of cheese, musells and craft beers.
And why the heck not. That sounds like a brilliant plan.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 06:26 PM   #1287
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Might catch the Eurostar to Brussels or Lille, cram myself full of cheese, musells and craft beers.
Have you decided when you're going to do this, Ralf? It's kind of exciting. You're breaking NC and might be able to open the lines of communication again. It sounds like it's what you wanted. All you need is a specific plan, including when.

Ooh, I've made 700 posts! I've never made that many posts anywhere. Happy 700th post to me!
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Old 22nd May 2015, 06:31 PM   #1288
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Have you decided when you're going to do this, Ralf? It's kind of exciting. You're breaking NC and might be able to open the lines of communication again. It sounds like it's what you wanted. All you need is a specific plan, including when.

Ooh, I've made 700 posts! I've never made that many posts anywhere. Happy 700th post to me!
Glad you agree LDT. But the important thing is how and why Ralf breaks NC. That's why we need a plan.

I am a cunning so and so.
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Old 22nd May 2015, 06:40 PM   #1289
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Glad you agree LDT. But the important thing is how and why Ralf breaks NC. That's why we need a plan.

I am a cunning so and so.
Yes, he definitely needs a plan. When and how will he execute his plan, and sticking to it exactly will be important. If she picks up the cats from the house for instance, he would have to remain cool, right?
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Old 22nd May 2015, 07:17 PM   #1290
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Yes, he definitely needs a plan. When and how will he execute his plan, and sticking to it exactly will be important. If she picks up the cats from the house for instance, he would have to remain cool, right?
Cool as fonzie and give NOTHING away.
Actually, picking up the cats would be a good idea. Change a few things in the house (new curtains, replace a few photos) and have the house brochures hidden in plain sight. What do you think?
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