Wife and I have not been intimate in months.

[ralfgarnett]

It's groundhog day again, and again, and again, and again, etc etc etc and so on until the earth finally spins of it's axel.

I've tried to tell her, but I can't get through to her. She never responds. Unless she wants to get defensive with me.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by Jaxon

Pretty much, yes. I wouldn't let it, but she's fully set herself up to believe anything remotely sexual is going to lead to sex.

Thats because she doesnt want any sexual contact with or without full intercourse, but she needs to know that you are her husband and compromises need to be reached and that the marriage is at serious risk otherwise. PLease communicate with her the desperation you feel, otherwise this situation may never change.

[ralfgarnett]

Just a wildcard here, but judging by his attitude could his wife be reluctant to get pregnant by him as she doesn't see him as being a suitable reliable father to her children ?, just a thought.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by Jaxon

I've tried to tell her, but I can't get through to her. She never responds. Unless she wants to get defensive with me.

so write the letter and be completely honest no holds barred. Share your feelings and frustrations and unhappiness. Please just do it, she needs to know or she may never make that effort she needs to.
Be loving and understanding but honest and strong as well.

And if she makes no effort? I'm not leaving her.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Just a wildcard here, but judging by his attitude could his wife be reluctant to get pregnant by him as she doesn't see him as being a suitable reliable father to her children ?, just a thought.

Ralf I think that she is afraid of more miscarriages, but has taken it to such extremes that she is seriously damaging the marriage. To say that you wont even have sexual contact with no actually intercourse when she can also use reliable birth control is paranoid.

[ralfgarnett]

I have had enough of this tripe now, I'm going to bed in a bit, I really cant take much more of this absolute drivel, night night.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by Jaxon

And if she makes no effort? I'm not leaving her.

Dont mention leaving at all, but just that you are deeply unhappy and frustrated, and that this cannot go on the same way. That you both clearly need outside help to get out of this rut because nothing is working without it.

I have told her she needs outside help, that there are things I just cannot do for her right now, and she won't.

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by chosen

Ralf I think that she is afraid of more miscarriages, but has taken it to such extremes that she is seriously damaging the marriage. To say that you wont even have sexual contact with no actually intercourse when she can also use reliable birth control is paranoid.

I don't agree, you said earlier she is making excuses I think you may be correct, but judging by his attitude can you honestly blame her ?, I would never give up on marriage you know how I feel about that, but crikey if he is like that with her who could honestly blame her, can you imagine the pressure he is exerting on her ?, I suspect there is more to this story than we are seeing here, if we read between the lines what do we see ? I know from being a husband for 17 years what I see, a constantly needy grown up baby.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

I don't agree, you said earlier she is making excuses I think you may be correct, but judging by his attitude can you honestly blame her ?, I would never give up on marriage you know how I feel about that, but crikey if he is like that with her who could honestly blame her, can you imagine the pressure he is exerting on her ?, I suspect there is more to this story than we are seeing here, if we read between the lines what do we see ? I know from being a husband for 17 years what I see, a constantly needy grown up baby.

well ralf I can understand that at this time she doesnt want more pregnancies, so no unprotected sex, but there are many ways they can get round that, and thats why her complete refusal to even share a bed or have any sort of sexual contact seems very cruel to me. Hence I feel she is making excuses to have no sexual contact at all, no matter how safe, when there would be no risk of pregnancy.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by Jaxon

I have told her she needs outside help, that there are things I just cannot do for her right now, and she won't.

which is why she needs to know the sheer desperation and unhappiness that you feel, and also that she is seriously damaging the relationship between you.

I know, but I don't know that she'd listen.

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by chosen

well ralf I can understand that at this time she doesnt want more pregnancies, so no unprotected sex, but there are many ways they can get round that, and thats why her complete refusal to even share a bed or have any sort of sexual contact seems very cruel to me. Hence I feel she is making excuses to have no sexual contact at all, no matter how safe, when there would be no risk of pregnancy.

Right I'm a Northerner and I tell the truth, and judging by the absolute petulance I have seen gradually building up to a climax today ( no pun intended) I think his poor wife is ready to bail out and who could blame her with that juvenile constantly yapping at you all the time ?, bon soir.