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Old 28th July 2004, 03:29 PM   #1
kristen01
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Husband needs time alon

I am new to this forum, but from reading the messages I know I am not alone. One month ago my husband of 16 years decided to move out because he "has no joy in his life, can't feel, and needs time alone to discover himself". He is not seeing anyone else and says he has no interest in that. He seems to be losing his faith. He led me and our two children to Christ about 6 years ago, but now says things like "I don't feel God", "Why would I want to be part of a group that doesn't want me to love myself and who I am", "I sought God for 6 years and ended up empty inside". However, less than a year ago this man received his local minister license, 4 months ago began seminary, and 2 months ago talked about teaching senior high Bible study. He claims he can't even think about working on our marriage or family until he likes the man in the mirror and knows who he is supposed to be. He is not interested in a divorce right now, but is not ruling it out, either. I love him, am giving him the space, but I just don't know what to do. My children and I are having a hard time with this decision of his, but both children have strengthened their relationship with God during this instead of turning away. Any suggestions and insight is greatly appreciated.
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Old 29th July 2004, 10:04 AM   #2
Noddy
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Re: Husband needs time alon

I'm not an expert, but sounds like your husband is experiencing a midlife crisis. I suggest you get a book called Divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner Davis, it gives good insight and coping strategies for this kind of thing. Or read up as much as you can on midlife crisis.
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Old 30th July 2004, 10:05 PM   #3
kristen01
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Re: Husband needs time alon

Dear Noddy,

Thank you for the suggestion. I have been reading a lot, Dr. James Dobson's Love Must Be Tough, Jim Conway's Men in Midlife Crisis, and Dr. Ed Wheat's Love-Life for Every Married Couple and How to Save Your Marriage Alone. All material is greatly appreciated, and I will look for the one you suggest.
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Old 2nd August 2004, 05:47 PM   #4
Dave
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Re: Husband needs time alon

Divorce Remedy can be found here
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Old 30th October 2004, 11:38 AM   #5
Romancer
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Re: Husband needs time alon

I wonder--your husband says he doesn't 'feel God.' Is it possible that after studying and looking deeply into religious things that your husband is seeing discrepancies? I know I have! There is a lot of religiousity out there and double-talk from even the best of ministers! The 'love' they talk about seems airy-fairy and unreal, and they can't even answer the most basic of human questions about God.

Do not think I am not a Christian. I am but I am a thinking, studying Christian who believes God and His Word makes sense. God is not someone who asks us to place His Son's death alongside bunnies and colored eggs--that is MAN'S doing. He is not someone who believes in Santa Clause or that we should decorate a tree in honor of His Son's birth--again, that is man's way! He doesn't ask us to do things that are senseless and stupid. I wonder if your husband is disenchanted with the whole religious world that asks us to accept too much nonsense using religious sounding words to prove their point?

Perhaps he is just trying to find the real God. I have more to say but I'll put it in another post.
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Old 30th October 2004, 12:05 PM   #6
Romancer
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Re: Husband needs time alon

Your husband sounds like his biggest concern is him and his relationship with God. I would be very interested to know what he was taught in seminary. There is so much in the orthodox Christian world that the Bible disagrees with, so much that is preached that just ain't so! Then there are the politics and jockeying for position in the churches.

Add to that the instructions in the Bible to become perfect, to endure to the end, to overcome and run the race and your husband could feel he just doesn't measure up or at least the religion he was taught does not! That is what this sounds like! He's looked in the mirror of the Bible and doesn't like the man he sees compared with the man he's supposed to be or the religion he was taught does not match the religion of the Bible. It is Satan that would like us to feel we can't make it or understand God. But God is FOR us.

Your husband sounds like he is questioning himself and his walk with God and his core beliefs. Hopefully he is just seeing that a lot of things he was taught aren't necessarily in the Bible or even rational and it's making him question the whole religious thing. If so, God will surely lead him to a greater understanding. It's very sad that he feels he needs to abandon you and the kids in the process however. But is it possible he feels he isn't even living up to the standards of a good husband and father? That he's failing you all somehow? Hard to understand but don't discount Satan's attacks!


My prayers are for you all!
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