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Old 25th April 2005, 05:57 AM   #1
maastricht
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Unhappy My wife does not love me anymore

After being together for 16 years (12 yrs of marriage), my wife had to do what she describes as "the toughest thing she ever had to do".... and tell me that she is not "in love" with me ....and perhaps she never has been!!

There is no other man .... no drugs, no abuse in our relationship. In fact, we seldom had serious arguments (at least prior to this news). We always discussed our differences. We are financially stable .... able to send our children (1st & 2nd grade) to private...all on my salary. My wife has been at home since our first child's birth.

My wife tells me that I am a great Dad, excellent provider, always think family-first, and that I have always "put her on a pedestal". So, why am I fighting to save my marriage!!?? She says something is missing ..... there is an emotional disconnect.

In recounting her life, she feels that she has never had the opportunity to "develop" and "be herself". We met when she was 21 and me, 29. Her homelife was in turmoil (parents divorcing, brother on drugs). Upon meeting me, she left home ....transferred jobs and moved to my city (300 miles away)..... and became part of my life and environment.

When I asked her recently, why did she marry me ....her answer was "what choice did I have". I pointed out that we dated/lived together for 4 years before marrying. There was no shotgun to her head.

Granted, my wife did not have a good childhood. There was very little love or nurturing in her youth. She says her love for me like that for a father or brother.

What hurts the most is .... she refuses to state that she wants to save our marriage. Just last week...I joined my wife at her weekly therapist session. I asked my wife what does she want .... she said I don't know. But she has resigned herself to the fact that she will not be able to love me as a wife should love her husband.

My wife is in great pain because she is causing me great pain .... and knows that she will be destroying our family .... for no good reason. I know she feels very alone because no one is on her side...even her therapist.

I am still very confused.

Signed: WTD
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Old 25th April 2005, 08:43 AM   #2
jools
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

Dear Maastricht,
I'm no expert in these matters but felt I had to reply as no one else has yet. You'll get loads of support from this site, and some really good advice. It makes you realise that you're not alone.
It seems to me that whatever your wife is going through the fact that no one sees her side (even her therapist) could just push her further away. I posted a web address on Purplecaz's thread last night because I found the advice so useful (Stopyourdivorce.com). You don't even have to buy the E-book to access some information that could start helping you today. It has eased my situation no end, though only time can tell whether it will bring us completely back together. I've held off going to relate or any other therapists as I've read so much about how little it helps (but that's just my opinion). It only seems to really help if both people are committed to making the relationship work. Although I don't know the reason for your wife seeing a therapist.
You must be going through hell at the moment, but hang in there and keep checking this site because there's some really good advice and support that people will send you.
Love Jools.
________
Lamborghini Jarama

Last edited by jools; 20th April 2011 at 01:49 PM.
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Old 25th April 2005, 02:01 PM   #3
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

Dear Maastrict

I'm afraid this is a matter of sitting tight and waiting for your W to come to terms with her approaching birthday and what she has chosen to do with her life.

You mention that the therapist does not appear to be 'on your wife's side' but that is exactly the correct professional approach for such situations. The therapist must not do anything which influences your W one way or another. Their job is just to guide your W to an understanding, based on such facts as can be gathered, as to why she chose to be married and what she might choose to do next.

As you pointed out, your W was not forced in to marriage. She had free agency, although just at the moment she is trying to argue that events obliged her to do it. Eventually, she will have to come to terms with the idea that she - not you and not the therapist - is responsible for what she chose in the past and for what she chooses to do in the future.

For the moment she is poised, realizing that she had better decide nothing at all until she has worked out what she can or cannot live with. This is why she isn't saying she wants out, nor is she willing to commit to the marriage. (This sounds stupid - but try not to take it personally. It is not really about you, but about what a thirty-something does as the children grow.)

Since you have earned well, presumably you have worked hard and, I hope, are experiencing a level of professional success. It may be that you think you have reached a comfortable level, or it might be that you reckon you can push a bit further for a few more years in your industry. Your W, however, has done the baby-raising part and all the children will get now is older and more self-sufficient. I'm not sure of the ages from your description, but your W has had a few years out of the job market now and may be wondering if she will ever be able to get back in - or at what level.

In short - what is she going to do with the rest of her life?

Now, I hold deeply unfashionable beliefs such as that it is unreasonable to treat other people as if they were just a means to one's own fulfilment, so I would never say you have to wait around indefinitely for your W to make her mind up. You are not a genii in a bottle, unstoppered only when it suits her to have you grant her wish for financial security or emotional support. On the other hand, since you love her and you have been together a long time, it is reasonable to suggest you let this run for six months, a year, and see if she can get her life in perspective.

I'm sorry that it seems to involve so much hanging around and therapy, but just go with it and keep making the point that your W had - and has - free agency, but that she has to accept what follows from her decisions.

My best wishes to you.
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Old 25th April 2005, 03:40 PM   #4
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

Quote:
What hurts the most is .... she refuses to state that she wants to save our marriage. Just last week...I joined my wife at her weekly therapist session. I asked my wife what does she want .... she said I don't know. But she has resigned herself to the fact that she will not be able to love me as a wife should love her husband.
"Resigned" herself?

Quote:
My wife is in great pain because she is causing me great pain .... and knows that she will be destroying our family .... for no good reason. I know she feels very alone because no one is on her side...even her therapist.
maastricht - the above line is incredibly judgemental on your part and places an enormous amount of undue pressure on your wife. Your wife is in pain because she knows she is hurting you by staying in a marriage while she does not love you. She is in pain becuase the ramifications of such an admission could lead to major upheaval and major changes that will affect the kids and a sense of security of all concerned. Yet, the best you can do is say she "is
destroying" your family "for no good reason"! Her reasons are actually very good - she knows deep down that she is NOT in love with you and perhaps never was. That was a huge admission on her part to you yet you don't seem to understand that that is what is causing her pain.

I am sorry for being blunt and in your face, but what i read from you suggests that you may not care about "love" in the marriage or about your wife - only yourself and what you want. Your wife is going to therapy to help her understand if this is just a "phase" or if it has to do with the difficulties she had prior to your marriage. In other words, are her past issues affecting her decision now, or did those issues (and not love) push her into marrying you for the wrong reasons.

The last line in your post is something you should re-read and re-consider - "I know she feels very alone because no one is on her side...even her therapist" By the sounds of it, she doesn't even have you on her side giving her support. If you really want her to be able to work through all these issues (past and present) - you will need to be much more supportive and understanding of her pysche.
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Old 25th April 2005, 11:02 PM   #5
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

Dear London

Can Maastricht really be said to be said to lack love when he has kept his promises, paid for his family, worked, and seems prepared to sit through what ever his wife needs to do? I can't know day-to-day how responsibility is divided up in that marriage, but even Mrs Maastricht seems to be giving him a character reference.

I ought to declare an interest here. Old sexism deprived women of the right to property and self-determination on the grounds that they were emotional chaps, more like permanent children. A sensible, sensitive man wouldn't really expect his W to adopt a consistent emotional point of view because the little women, bless 'em, just weren't up to it.

Obviously, I'll want to challenge any point of view which, however well-intended, can be swung round to show that women remain essentially unstable and either in sexual thrall, at the mercy of their star-signs, or the paralysed captive of a poor relationship with their parents. It is just too close to saying they can't vote, hold property, sign their own consent forms or claim parentage of their children, because their gender defines them as unfit. Relieving a person of the responsibility for their decisions seems humane, but it actually can be used to separate them from full-status as a person.

Therefore I am very unwilling to accept arguments which say that, grown women of 25, with four years of experience of being a couple was incapable of giving informed consent to marriage or that she didn't know what she was promising.

There can be reasons not to keep a promise, but Mrs Maastrict is in exactly the position where she doesn't have those reasons. There isn't the abuse which indicates a high risk to the children; she has willingly accepted the benefits of the marriage for twelve long years and those benefits are considerable. She has even involved children it it, but she had plenty of time before they came and could, presumably, have said 'I am sorry about this...'

I think that what is happening now is that she is bright enough to be in pain because, if she did marry him under false pretences, then he has every right to be angry and judgemental. It is not her time which has been wasted; it is his. He gave her the real thing, she paid him in false coin. However, he doesn't seem judgemental to me; rather grief stricken.

There is also a fundamental disagreement about terms here. Maastricht and I tend to see love as a verb; the thing you promise to do and then get on with it. No doubt, if his love needs to be demonstrated more, then he will do what ever his W requests.

You wrote: "Her reasons are actually very good - she knows deep down that she is NOT in love with you and perhaps never was." I agree that it must have cost her dearly to make the admission because they undermines her position as a rational and responsible adult. However, her reasons are objectively poor ones for dissolving a family. Sadly, there can be good reasons for doing this and we can all spot the objective criteria; the adultery, the abuse, the unspecified cheating. None of that exists in this case.

Her reasons are all interior and apparently liable to change, sometimes accompanied by a re-writing of personal history. Putting the emphasis on her interior reasons, the subjective ones, opens up the idea that she isn't a fully competent adult, but someone who simply does not know her own mind and is liable to say whatever suits her to get whatever benefit she needs at the time - and has done for at least the last 12 years. And Maastricht will want to thump me for saying nasty things about the W he loves.

So I tend to concentrate on the exterior behaviour and let the heart keep its secrets. She contracted to the marriage and Mr M kept his side. Up until now, so did she, and it gave everyone a nice life. In an ideal world I hope they will love one another, but no, I don't believe that is strictly necessary. The idea of romantic lurve which validates the whole marriage strikes me as flimsy; plenty of cultures such as Judaism have much better rates of marriage maintenance and take the view that love is that which grows from behaving lovingly and keeping faith.

I repeat; do mostly nothing is the best option for the next few months. Mr M is intepretting this a little too much as if it is solely about him and the family. That is natural, but his W wants to ask questions about the world and her place in it, so let her do those explorations. Think Wizard of Oz. Dorothy needs to go on a journey to find the Wizard, and her friends are looking for a variety of facets they lack. What they find, once the wizard shows them how to look, is themselves. All except for Dorothy who just wants to go home. Glenda the Good Witch appears and tells her that all she has to do is click her heels together three times and repeat 'there's no place like home'. Glenda explains that she could always have gone home, but she wouldn't have believed the truth of that statement.

I think Mrs M will make a similar journey.
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Old 26th April 2005, 01:41 AM   #6
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

Quote:

Therefore I am very unwilling to accept arguments which say that, grown women of 25, with four years of experience of being a couple was incapable of giving informed consent to marriage or that she didn't know what she was promising.
CR - I am in no way trying to diminish Mrs M's capacity to have made a willing decision in marrying M. Rather, what I am suggesting is that she made a choice and has the right to back-out of it for whatever reason. Marriage isn't a commercial/social contract as you seem to suggest quite often - its an emotional contract. Ideally the "contract" is based on love and not money or "security". Based on what M has suggested in his post, it seems very plausible that Mrs M based her decision on the latter two rather than love.

It seems to me that you concentrate on what M has given her in terms of fulfilling a commercial contract - "paid for his family, worked,". As for the claims that he is willing to sit through whatever she wants - I have read no evidence to suggest that whatsoever. All i have read is what he wants and how crazy she must be for wantingout becuase she realises that marriage is based on love and that she has none for him and never had.

Quote:
There isn't the abuse which indicates a high risk to the children; she has willingly accepted the benefits of the marriage for twelve long years and those benefits are considerable. She has even involved children it it, but she had plenty of time before they came and could, presumably, have said 'I am sorry about this...'
She involved children? What?

In case you forgot, it takes two to make children. Yes, she went along with it willingly and beget two wonderful children. So what? Does that still bind her to him in marriage? Why should it? If she wants out becuase she doesn't love him, why cant't she be given that right? Why are you so keen on protecting the patriarchial hegemony?

You will only allow dissolving a marriage on "visible" wrongs:

Quote:
Sadly, there can be good reasons for doing this and we can all spot the objective criteria; the adultery, the abuse, the unspecified cheating. None of that exists in this case.
Why is the absence of love not enough for to get out? You claim she paid him in false coin while he "is the real thing" - what evidence do you have of that? Why do you think she had to come out and tell him that she no longer loves and never did? Of course, we are not getting the whole truth here. I would rather err on the side of the woman here and read between the lines - they tell me more than what M has told us.

Quote:
Putting the emphasis on her interior reasons, the subjective ones, opens up the idea that she isn't a fully competent adult, but someone who simply does not know her own mind and is liable to say whatever suits her to get whatever benefit she needs at the time - and has done for at least the last 12 years.
I disagree. Placing the emphasis on the external only reifies the notion that she is a commodity - "what you see is what you get." The internal elements are what define human beings - the ability to feel and think. Denying that denies anyone their humanity. Which is what you are doing while claiming not to.

Quote:
So I tend to concentrate on the exterior behaviour and let the heart keep its secrets.
But that is what makes people human. Remove the heart and all you have is an android - the Tin man from the Wizard of Oz!

Quote:
She contracted to the marriage and Mr M kept his side. Up until now, so did she, and it gave everyone a nice life.
Yes - it gave everyone a nice life - a fake one based only on convenience. Look, if thats what you want in a marriage then I won't stop you from it. But I disagree with marriage being a commercial contract when humans have a choice to choose even after making a decision.

Quote:
In an ideal world I hope they will love one another, but no, I don't believe that is strictly necessary.
Then what is a marriage to you but a commercial contract based on the mutual exchange of services and favours? Where is love here?

Quote:
The idea of romantic lurve which validates the whole marriage strikes me as flimsy; plenty of cultures such as Judaism have much better rates of marriage maintenance and take the view that love is that which grows from behaving lovingly and keeping faith.
Better rates? Where are you looking? Most of those marriages "exist" because women do not have the right to speak their hearts or their minds. They are forced to endure and stay in a relationship whether they like it or not becuase their parents or society views the commercial social contract as sancrosanct over and above what the individual desires.

CR - Obviously we have very different views of marriage and of basic emotional "rights". Its odd that while you seem to want to champioin the cause of women to decide you fall into the trap of reaffirming the male social contract version of marriage by nullyfying the every element that make people humans - that is the ability to feel and to choose.

I have not read anything in M's account above that seems to suggest he is willing to fundamentally understand the issues his wife is going through. All i have read is what he wants and how delusional she is. I happen to disagree with that approach.
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Old 26th April 2005, 11:44 AM   #7
Waterman
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

Why does thjos have to be seen in terms of male versus female concepts of marriage? The situation and analysis would be no different surely if the genderes in the situation were reversed?

I see marriage as a state and attitude of mind as well as an emotion. The state of mind sustains the emotion when it weakens and helps it to recover. People who don't appreciate that their own state of mind does influence their emotions are prey to finding that those emotions have been damaged. When the going gets tough the tough get going, and in marriage terms what this means is that if redundancy, illness, strife of various sorts hit you or your partner then that is the time when, as a partnership, you address them together. If you leave the other party to deal with the issues while you wallow in self pity then you are neglecting the relationship at an intellectual level, and sooner or later you will find that at an emotional level things are not what they should be.

Sure there are people who make the wrong decision right from the outset, and among those there must also be people who knew at the time they were making the wrong decision. For these people perhaps the best decision is to get out although those who knew they were making the wrong marriage decision at the outset are so accomplished at self-kiddology not even they know what they really think.

As for the rest, who were in love but seem no longer to be, I think the right course is indeed to look deeply into their own souls and to put every ounce orf effort they can into making their marriage work, both at an intellectual and emotional level.
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Old 26th April 2005, 12:27 PM   #8
Kate
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

Hi

I'd like to add my pennyworth here. At a global level marriage is something two people consent to do before at least two witnesses. It is a commitment to share comfort and support, sexual union and the bringing up of children (if they come along) for life excluding close sexual relationships with others of the opposite sex. It is the start of a new family unit from two existing units. This is the way it was meant to be. If this model is followed there id the possibility of stability and fulfilment for husband, wife and children.



Many see love as simply a feeling. Well it is more than that. We actually choose to love and sometimes our feelings are positive and sometimes they aren't! Sometimes love makes us happy and sometimes it brings profound pain as most parents will agree.



Coming down to the particular, Maastricht, you have to face the realities of your situation whatever we say here. Your wife has convinced herself that she cannot be the person she thinks your wife should be. I suspect that some of the roots of her difficulties stem from her childhood and her difficulty in coping with relationships and the pain and emotional turmoil that they can bring. There may well be things you can do differently to strengthen your relationship together. Research suggests that for stability we need to get rid of our bad habits of communication and for happiness we need to learn positive ways of communicating. There tips on these here.



One point that I found helpful recently when I was reading a Christian book called "Marriage, Restoring the vision" was that marriage is a place of grace. What I understand that to mean is that none of us are perfect but that the boundaries/promises made in marriage allow us to work away at those difficulties. It is a place where we can be vulnerable about our fears and self doubts secure in the knowledge that we are loved, valued and accepted warts and all by our marriage partner and that they will not reject us and discard us because they have promised not to. I have found in life that when I know myself to be in this situation, I can face the issues in myself that need sorting and change to relate better both to my family and to others around me.

Kate
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Old 26th April 2005, 05:59 PM   #9
helenrw200
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

I agree to a certain extent with Kate, but I do feel that love is not necessarily something you can grow into and people don't always get married for the reasons stated, in an ideal world of course you would love and cherish and stay with your husband/ wife til death, but unfortunately it isn't an ideal world , people change and feelings can change too, and in some circumstances people marry for reasons other than love ( as I did ) and find that they are then trapped by feeling the way they do.

Waterman seems to be very bitter about the whole thing, and I can understand that, but I still feel that there are times when no matter how much you try, you can't keep a marriage together and it becomes necessary to part . I feel that we only get one shot at life and we all need to try to live it in order to be if not happy then at least content and that may mean sometimes we have to live apart from people whom we once thought we could share the rest of our lives with.

I was absolutely sure when I married that although I didn't love my then husband , it would grow, I certainly didn't enter into it lightly thinking that if it didn't work out there was always divorce. I spent a long time in the marriage and that had nothing to do with the children ( who weren't biologically my husband's anyway ) as Waterman seems to assume, nor was it to have a husband to provide for me , I pretty much always worked myself as most wive's do these days. I gave my husband possibly the best years of my life and tried to be a good wife , I stayed with him for 18 years in total, but in the end it just wasn't possible for me to live with him any longer and again it wasn't a whim, nor a decision taken lightly, but a long process that took over 3 years of deep self searching and despair. I refuse to feel selfish as Waterman implies anyone who leaves there H/W should, each case is different and should be treated as such.
Helen
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Old 27th April 2005, 11:40 AM   #10
Waterman
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

Not really Helen. I'm assuming you're refering to my post on another thread. That does remain my opinion but it doesn't refer directly to my own circumstances. It's an observation from afar of many other circumstances. My own wife says that she can't say she loves me and she can't say she doesn't love me. She's making a real go of it, but some of the received wisdom she gets from the outside world seems to think that as soon as you tire of a relationship you should pack it in. I've seen comments on here from people who have that attitude and who seem to think that their soon-to-be-ex-partner should just cooperate and be good friends. Whilst it might be true that you can't manufacture feelings, it isn't fair to expect a partner to behave as if nothing has happened when a marriage breaks up either. It is devastating, and I can't help believing that some want another kind of sham relationship ("friendship") to replace the old one so that they can reassure themselves that the devastation wasn't quite as bad as all that.

In your circumstances you said that you didn't marry for love. Well in that case you were probably best off out of it. As far as my comments go it's a case of "if the cap fits then wear it", but I am convinced that in many cases I read of both here and elsewhere, selfishness on the part of the partner wishing to leave the marriage is indeed a major factor, and that those people should have a good look inside themselves. That goes for people both on the brink of separation and also those who are simply unhappy at the time.

Look at it another way. There were times when I struggled to bring myself to say nice things to my wife or to bother with a decent birthday card or wedding anniversary present. Then I'd back off mentally and take an audit of all the great things about her. I'd chase the blues away and I'd try to be in tune with her as much as possible. I refused to let those feelings grow or to neglect the old feelings. I know that that is what she is trying to do for me now too, and that's all that matters. She is making the real effort. Only the people involved know if they've made the effort or whether they're just being callous and selfish, but the effort as I call it is not just a grin and bear it attitude, but something more thoughtful. That's what I mean by love being an attitude of mind as well as an emotion. I reckon that without the right attitude of mind many more relationships would fizzle than do.

Let's assume that there's a group of 10 people, men and women, who have left their marriages out of unhappiness. Of that 10, there will be some like you, who did everything they could to keep the marriage going, and there will be those, hiding among them, who are kidding themselves, who are taking the easy way out and are simply making excuses to themselves and the world about what has really happened. Those people do deserve a little straight talking, and in some cases that is all those people will need to shake them out of their own selfishness and to let them see the wood for the trees.
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Old 27th April 2005, 03:22 PM   #11
helenrw200
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

I was actually referring to your post on this thread waterman, I didn't know you had posted on another.

Yes, you're right, being the person who is " left " is devastating , I've been in that position myself, so I do know that. Nevertheless, I appreciated that it was better for him to have been honest with me than to spend more years of deceit with me being aware that something was wrong and waiting for the axe to fall.

Marriage is not a business , it is about feelings and emotions as well as practicalities and day to day living and people make mistakes as I said before and people and feelings change.

I don't think most people - certainly not the ones from personal experience anyway - leave a marriage lightly no matter how they might feel, most work pretty hard to keep it going.

I don't feel it's selfish, when all said and done to ,walk away from a situation that's making you miserable, providing you have given it your best shot . believe it or not it was almost as hard for me as it was for my ex husband when I left. I was leaving behind someone I cared about, you can't fail to care in a relationship that spans almost 20 years . I was also leaving my home, all the security I had and going out into the unknown at the age of 40, having never lived alone since I was born . But as I have said before and will say again, deep down I knew it was the right decision , I wasn't happy, my husband wasn't happy, we had reached a stage of staying together because that's what one does after all those years .

He loved me enough to put up with that, but sadly I ( and he ) knew I didn't.

I guess there will always be - and always has been some people who leave for selfish reasons, but would you really want to live with someone who was as selfish as that for the rest of your life ? I wouldn't.
Helen
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Old 28th April 2005, 10:37 AM   #12
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by helenrw200
I guess there will always be - and always has been some people who leave for selfish reasons, but would you really want to live with someone who was as selfish as that for the rest of your life ? I wouldn't.
Helen
In the final analysis you are right. But we are all selfish at times without realising it, and there are times when all we need is a reality check to see it for ourselves. By the time the marriage has irretrievably broken down perhaps it's too late but not necessarily before. It's not so much a case of leaving for selfish resons as the living for selfish reasons that leads to the leaving.

Take your own circumstances as outlined here. Please forgive me if I'm being presumtuous or have misunderstood anything. It seems as though the behaviour you spoke of might harm your relationship, something neither of you wants. It seems as though the chap needs a kick up the pants so he can see the situation more clearly and how selfish he is being. That might be all he needs, some straight talking so that he can face up to his actions, focus more on your needs and less on his own. There's sense in the old saying that there's more pleasure in giving than in receiving yet lots of us just don't appreciate that until it's too late. But is he getting that kick up the pants? It needs to come from the world at large rather than you, but maybe he simply self-justifies his actions so that he doesn't have to face the consequences and work at the problem.

If someone like that stays selfish then yes maybe the other one is better off without them but it's such a shame because sometimes all we need is a little introspection. I think your case is very black and white, but suppose the behaviour was somewhat different and there was more room for accomodation on the other's part? What then? That's what I'm talking about, getting a sense of perspective.

My cousin remarried a couple of years ago and it was strange that the chap she married had been divorced by his wife because she'd fallen out of love with him, but towards the end she wanted a reconciliation and was both desperate and jealous at the same time, feeling that she'd made a big mistake by not understanding her true feelings. Whatever it was that had driven her was more an internal thing than anything to do with her husband but by the time she realised that it was too late.
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Old 29th April 2005, 05:17 AM   #13
squeeky
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

I understand your wife's point of view. For whatever reason she is not happy. You don't seem to fill something that she needs. Is it sex? Is it adventure? Is it stimulation? Is it personal accomplishment? Is it recognition? Is it freedom?

I am in a very similar situation as your wife. I told my wife that I didn't love her and that I wanted to separate to find out if I would be happier without her. I don't know how it will end but the fact that I could talk about it helped. I'm still in the relationship and we're working to make it better. I think that I was being selfish. But on the other hand, I would really like to see what it would be like without her. It's hard not to think about how things might have been different. For now though, I am working through it to see if I put my wife's needs before my own if I won't find the love and the connection that I seek. I don't know if the "connection" I am after is real or imagined but right now I'm trying to be a better husband and father.

If your wife doesn't excercise, you should encourage her to join a bicyling club or a running club. She would increase her satisfaction as she accomplishes personal goals.

Good luck!
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Old 30th April 2005, 05:17 AM   #14
maastricht
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

WOW......I did not expect such a response.

Having just returned from a business trip, it will take some time to digest the preceding responses.

But, I was intrigued by LONDON's remarks ...... let me say that I consider my wife ...my best friend, my lover. I have been her biggest fan and admire her good qualities (which she has many). Since I met her, she has had self-confidence problems ..... definitely brought on by her parents (especially her mother). So LONDON, I always have been very supportive .... and that's a serious concern of mine......at the time where I believe my wife should "lean on me"...she does not want to.

Lastly LONDON, you seem to shrug off the "children effect". You mentioned the presence of children should not bind anyone to a marriage ..... well, I disagree. Once a couple have children, there is a responsibility / committment which supercedes one's personal desires. I would do anything for my wife & children. For now, I cannot envision our children being involved in a separation .... I just hope my wife feels the same.
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Old 30th April 2005, 11:36 AM   #15
Alexis
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Re: My wife does not love me anymore

I would just like to say that people who get married without being inlove or lving their partner just be absolutly mad. For me my wedding day was amazing, it brought home the true meaning of life to me, spending it with the person who is my best friend, soulmate, and lover. Someone I had the upmost respect for and admiration.

To get married without love is ridiculous, then someone will get hurt and most times do.

ALexis
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