Re: Pray for wisdom please
Still struggling with a serious depression that probably has nothing much to do with my husband or his work situation or even our marriage. We are trying to sort out something so I can get some rest and space and so that my husband also can. He did a proposal for a job that apparently went well (its part time work) so hoping that will come through in the meantime - its a slightly bigger project than they normally do.
I need to see a psychiatrist as the depression has gone much further than a "I am feeling down" issue - shouldn't have left it this long, but that is how things go. While I listen to tapes with praise songs on it is very hard when depressed to praise God and be thankful when the very things I would usually want to praise him for do not appear very good - the other day I could look at what I knew was a very beautiful creation, but nothing inside of me registered beauty, peace or calm. Its very hard to thank God for the beauty one knows is there but cannot experience. And while I am eternally grateful for my own daughter who usually delights me all the time, at the moment I am that depressed that even giving her a piggy back while she laughs can be accompanied by my tears. It is a very cruel illness, but I will continue to fight it as best I know how - by giving the piggy backs and looking at the flowers and crying if I have to and praying that one day it will look better again.
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