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Old 2nd December 2014, 10:22 AM   #16
Raymond
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Re: Leave or stay? Been wrestling for a while now...

Taking sports as a seperate issue (one thing at a time) I think you are making too much of it and being blinded as to the true issues of life. You are somehow making an idol of it which is causing you to control your wife and go with someone who you might think worships the same idol. Sports is a helpful thing and helps us to keep fit and also supplies a recreational need but it is an imbalance to give it priority beyond it's worth. You could say that it is a good servant but a bad master. Your wife could bring balance in this instead of you trying to control her. It might actually be an asset to the marriage to allow her to stand back a little from it. I would imagine she feels controlled and it is essential to have freewill in relationship which should actually be the priority which I feel you have been blinded to.

Judging our partners is not the way to keep a happy marriage. We all have faults. Judging them creates walls which puts solutions beyond reach.
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Old 5th December 2014, 07:49 AM   #17
drleo
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Re: Leave or stay? Been wrestling for a while now...

All i will tell you is that your married and your trying to end you marriage with your own mistakes,believe me if it all breaks the blame is on you and you will regret it,there is no reason why your telling your wife to move out,so this is my advise: man wake up and go back to your wife you have had enough of this affair, its time to end it before you regret all you have worked for .
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Old 7th December 2014, 10:35 PM   #18
Thinker
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Re: Leave or stay? Been wrestling for a while now...

Just to add a voice to this discussion: I hope we don't have to stay in bad marriages just because they are marriages. It does seem as if you and your wife once had a really enjoyable relationship, though, so maybe you ought to try counseling before you do something as dramatic as get involved with another woman. Your family has changed a lot since those college days and maybe you just haven't communicated and made sure you were still both moving in the same direction.

Definitely pull the plug before entertaining any notions of this new woman. It's awful to contemplate losing your home but it's better than losing your self-respect. I would guess you could get shared custody, too, so it shouldn't mean "throwing away" your family. Just don't do something stupid that would enable her to get full custody!

Good luck!
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Old 8th December 2014, 02:52 AM   #19
chosen
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Re: Leave or stay? Been wrestling for a while now...

Thinker I dont agree. When we marry we make promises that we will be faithful and be with each other in good and bad. Just because we have met someone else doesnt mean we can just throw that away and go back on promises made. MY husband wasnt very happy with his ex for 23 years of marriage, but because he made promises to her, he would never have left her, and it wasnt till she met another man and divorced him that he was single again.
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Old 8th December 2014, 08:46 AM   #20
Raymond
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Re: Leave or stay? Been wrestling for a while now...

Bad marriages can be made good when they are worked on. Just going with someone else when there are problems isn't the answer. If marriage isn't a comittment for life then what is it? Granted there may be serious reasons why a marriage should end such as adultery, possibly pornography or sexually abusing the children but apart from those kinds of things a comittment to love is what it is, a comittment to love. I don't see any reason why the marriage in question should end through unfaithfulness just like that without seriously trying getting to the root of things. It's more like a betrayal in my mind.
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Old 8th December 2014, 09:26 AM   #21
chosen
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Re: Leave or stay? Been wrestling for a while now...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Bad marriages can be made good when they are worked on. Just going with someone else when there are problems isn't the answer. If marriage isn't a comittment for life then what is it? Granted there may be serious reasons why a marriage should end such as adultery, possibly pornography or sexually abusing the children but apart from those kinds of things a comittment to love is what it is, a comittment to love. I don't see any reason why the marriage in question should end through unfaithfulness just like that without seriously trying getting to the root of things. It's more like a betrayal in my mind.
Yes it IS a betrayal, of the worst kind.
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