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Old 19th December 2015, 02:44 PM   #1
Meowgi
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 1
Confused feelings about marriage

Hi,

I have been married for 2 years and have been in a relationship with my husband for 13yrs. I love him but sometimes I wonder if I'm still in love with him. He's a brilliant person and we've never cheated or broken up the whole 13yrs we've been together but often I don't feel excited by him.

Last year I started having feelings for a friend of ours. I never acted on this. My best friend also has feelings for this same guy. Knowing this I decided to never share how I feel about him with anyone. Today she told me that they both admitted they like each other and they are now together. I'm really happy for her but also feel sad that he likes her in that way and not me. I know it sounds very selfish, but it's the truth.

My husband and I have been talking about having a baby soon. I'm worried about these mixed feelings I've been having about him, and being attracted to another man. I'm worried that having a baby might make things worse even though I really want one. I don't know what to do and I feel very alone. Any advice or thoughts on this would be much appreciated.

Thanks.
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Old 19th December 2015, 05:48 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Confused feelings about marriage

I think you need to stop allowing yourself to dwell on this man or fantasise about him at all. Each time he comes into your mind, think of your husband and all the good things about him. Be grateful for what you have and dont let discontentment ruin your marriage or your life. Its poisonous to compare your spouse to another and find him lacking.
You are so early in the marriage, you will have many trials and tribulations over your life, start as you mean to go on. You so recently made promises to be faithful and to put him first, dont let this crush ruin that please. Marriage is all about thinking of the other person, of respecting and valuing them, loving them in a selfless way.
Maybe you need to put some effort into the marriage, and put off having a baby for a time.
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Old 19th December 2015, 11:34 PM   #3
mirry
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Re: Confused feelings about marriage

whoah whoah whoah... dont have a baby this will make things way worse!! you maybe arent feeling appreciated any more? maybe it is a good time to be honest with your husband- not about you fancying your friend etc but just that you think therapy may solve a few issues.. sounds like your self esteem may be low and your marriage isnt that happy so you are looking for other people to mak you feel how your husband isnt making you feel anymore??? therapy or a lot of work on whats going on for you right now is mega important before you even consider a baby... good luck xxx
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Old 20th December 2015, 10:20 PM   #4
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Confused feelings about marriage

I'd be thankful that your friend ended up with this man. You seemed to me to be on the edge of adultery and unfaithfulness. You need to resist these feelings while you are still married. Adultery is a terrible thing. Obviously you both need to work on your marriage but I would put a brake on this lusting after other men.
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Old 16th January 2016, 12:43 PM   #5
drleo
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 12
Re: Confused feelings about marriage

a bird in the hands is worth two in the bush, stick to your husband other wise you will lose him and you will also never get the one you want,
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