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Old 25th October 2008, 08:27 PM   #1
loansta
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Unhappy HELP - My wife left and won't communicate!

My wife left me about 4 weeks ago. She has blocked me from her life in every way possible. I love her more than anyone on this earth and can not imagine my life without her!!! We have been married for about 1.5 years. We have had our fights, but this came out of no where. God has given me strength to do whatever it takes to get her back, but this HURTS SO BAD. I have never felt this pain before. I am trying to email her ‘love emails’ everyday. I have been in counseling (by myself and with her once) and talked to my family and friends. I am SO lost. I don’t know what to do next. I have a feeling that as everyday goes by it will be that much harder to reconcile when she finally talks to me. Please give me all of your advice and encouragement!!! She has told me in the past that divorce is not an option and has not mentioned it yet….but I don’t know what to think now!!! - things have gotten out of control. Her parents won't talk to me either...

Thanks for any advice.

TB
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Old 25th October 2008, 09:07 PM   #2
val100
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Re: HELP - My wife left and won't communicate!

Something must have happened for her to leave. Nobody just walks out without a reason.
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Old 25th October 2008, 09:27 PM   #3
loansta
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Re: HELP - My wife left and won't communicate!

Well of course things have happened. We have certainly had our fights. The first year of marriage is really hard. Also, her parents have been a big problem between our marriage...I wont go into detail. I know she has bottled a lot up inside her and hasn't communicated well to me......and it hasnt helped that her dad had surgery during all of this and may have bad news coming on that....

I know she loves me deep down and I know she is hurt by things that have happened and things I have said to her....but I don't understand how she could just walk out and not communicate. There certainly is no cheating or 'another guy.' You might say "yeah right!"....but really it certainly is not like that.

I think I need to take action. I am seeing a pastor/counselor tomorrow who has been involved in all of this.....I am hoping to have him either try to contact her or her parents...and hopefully allowing me to also talk to her or her parents......at this point I will do what ever it takes......I just think if this separation continues any longer she may actually consider divorce!!!.....something she has said she will never do. She has said that before we got engaged and even just weeks ago during an argument.....but I just don't know now!!!! Please give some advice on anything.....thanks!!
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Old 25th October 2008, 09:47 PM   #4
val100
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Re: HELP - My wife left and won't communicate!

I want to help but I have nothing to work with sorry.

It comes across as you have done nothing and maybe you haven't . You see I really can't offer anything.
The fact that she has blocked you means she wants to be left alone.
BUT WHY???

I can tell you my H and i separated for nearly 2 years and we are together again for the last 5 months and it is going ok.

I cannot say that will happen with you but obviously people do get back together.

If she needs you to leave her alone then I am sorry but you have to do that.

If you could help us out with info then people will talk to you more and offer advice. This place is fantastic, I wouldn't have made it without the people here.
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Old 25th October 2008, 09:57 PM   #5
loansta
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Re: HELP - My wife left and won't communicate!

Sorry - I am new to forums, new to separation and very confused right now!! I don't know what answers I am looking for. I am probably just looking to talk to someone.....I am trying to do all I can. I have been talking to my parents, friends, 2 different pastors, been praying, been straightening out my own life and understanding what I need to change about myself, been writing my wife the most amazing and loving emails I can think of, been reading books, magazines and searching the web for advice, etc etc.

I guess answer this....do you think I should have that pastor talk to her parents in hopes that we can all talk and work things out. Her parents are clearly mad at me right now and we have never had the greatest relationship....but I think I need to talk to them if I ever want to see my wife again. Also, I think I need the pastors intervention, so they don't call the cops if I just show up at their doorstep.....

Again sorry, I am new, I am confused and I just need someone to talk to.
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Old 25th October 2008, 11:22 PM   #6
SallyJ
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Re: HELP - My wife left and won't communicate!

Hi TB,
I think Val is right, there must be more to the situation than you're telling us,

You say ''Her parents are clearly mad at me right now and we have never had the greatest relationship....but I think I need to talk to them if I ever want to see my wife again. Also, I think I need the pastors intervention, so they don't call the cops if I just show up at their doorstep.....''

Why are they so mad at you when she has apparently just up and left you, and you've done nothing worng?

I am pretty new to this forum too but have really found some solace in the thoughts and comments of other people. I was very nervous about telling my story and giving both sides of the situation to try and get some help from others who have been there too and can be totally objective about my own situation but it has really helped me.

I'm also newly separated too and it is hard even though I've pretty much instigated the separation too. I want some clear time apart but my husband is keen to keep 'chatting' as if nothing has happened and that is hard to accept. If she needs space I think you should give that to her, I'm not sure hassling the in-laws to get her to talk to you is a good move, especially if you've previously had a rocky relationship but then its difficult to offer any adivce without knowing some mre of the background.

Whatever you decide, good luck and I hope at some point you find a clear direction...
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Old 29th October 2008, 06:23 PM   #7
val100
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Re: HELP - My wife left and won't communicate!

Ok now listen

STOP!!!

you are being obsessive and this will drive her further away. She has left for a reason a reason you are not giving us.
Pastors and all the rest make me feel uncomfortable, I feel you are hiding behind them.
Loving emails etc all to much.

Have you been abusive!!!

I am really sorry but I am judging without evidence here but you are no longer in control and you can't cope.
Of course you want to fix it but you need to be rational, you need to write one letter asking her to meet with you and a third person.
Her folks are angry at you, you need the pastor so they won't call the cops.
FEAR that is what i am sensing.
What happened!!!!
no one can help you without you being honest or just telling us what happened
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Old 30th October 2008, 02:15 PM   #8
Raymond
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Re: HELP - My wife left and won't communicate!

mm one tack to take. Loansta did admit to having an argument, but who doesn't.

One thing rings true in that she needs space just now to sort her thoughts out. Giving her that time may prove a good thing in the end. By all means co-operate in the help she needs but be aware that the space she is having now may be needed.

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