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Old 28th September 2008, 09:34 AM   #376
justme&bailey
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hi All,

Seems there is alot of new people on here...where have all my friends gone

Well guys im still doing ok...still living on my own still in contact with my husband but other than that nothing has really changed...i had a text from my husband last monday spilling his guts to me about how hes off the rails and doesnt want to drag me down that road and so on...but i have to leave him to deal with it i cant bail him out because if i did all that i have been through would have been for nothing...of course im here for him and i told him that but he has to do this on his own...

But im doing fine and feeling strong...i read the new posts all the time and think back to when i was at that stage so confused and hurt and its hard at that point to think it will get better but it does...its been 7mths for me now and i would say it took me about 5 1/2 months to get myself together..and 6 months before me and him could have a conversation without a fight but not arguing with him helps at times i could still go mad at him but i think before i speak now and just say things in a calm manner so all i could advise people to do is look after themselves in the early stages...

Catch you all soon..

Mxx
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Old 29th September 2008, 11:03 AM   #377
glasboy
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hi

I have read a lot of the advice and looked back over the pages and you know, I think your husband done nothing wrong apart from take a message from your friend, when you put him out he needed to do something to help himself, while he was lost in storm of emontions, wondering what I have I done, he went their for dinner to stop the pain hurting for a time, also in the hope that the friend might have been able to help. Unlike the advice you have had from other, who it would appear their partners/husbands had had affairs, just look back, read what they have said, they caught their husbands and it was admited,. You love your husband and he clearly loves you, he had done everything you wanted him today until they day you had him leave. When he had left, why should'nt he have went to dinner, if it helped him get away from the pain. Get back together love each other and don't waste any more months apart life's to short. However if you ever catch him red handed or he admits to an affair ditch him and move on. - thoughts from a guy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by justme&bailey View Post
Hi All,

Seems there is alot of new people on here...where have all my friends gone

Well guys im still doing ok...still living on my own still in contact with my husband but other than that nothing has really changed...i had a text from my husband last monday spilling his guts to me about how hes off the rails and doesnt want to drag me down that road and so on...but i have to leave him to deal with it i cant bail him out because if i did all that i have been through would have been for nothing...of course im here for him and i told him that but he has to do this on his own...

But im doing fine and feeling strong...i read the new posts all the time and think back to when i was at that stage so confused and hurt and its hard at that point to think it will get better but it does...its been 7mths for me now and i would say it took me about 5 1/2 months to get myself together..and 6 months before me and him could have a conversation without a fight but not arguing with him helps at times i could still go mad at him but i think before i speak now and just say things in a calm manner so all i could advise people to do is look after themselves in the early stages...

Catch you all soon..

Mxx
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Old 30th September 2008, 12:52 AM   #378
val100
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 537
Re: Hes left what do i do now

Glasboy are you the husband because only he would be that dense to say he did nothing wrong.

1. he left and moved in with another woman
2. he is taking or was taking drugs
3. He used her to get finacial credit to buy a car
4, he made no contact for months


Truth is drug abuse and living with another woman is actually enough.

Sorry Mia for hogging your thread but seriously.

I can't get you on msn

Hope you are of things are good here really sometimes they get tough, but in general it is going well
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Old 2nd October 2008, 01:05 PM   #379
justme&bailey
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hi Val,

Everybody is here to have there say but i dont think he read my story correctly...so im glad you filled him in with the shorter but true version..

Im doing good Val and was out with my husband on sunday for a walk with the dog it was actually quiet nice hes working away at the minute which i think is a good thing for him and has got him away and given him some clear space to think...it is always him that brings up getting back together but i still dont feel ready to take that step so have been holding back..he does say he thinks about me all the time but doesnt want to bother or suffoicate me and respects i need time but hes enjoying being able to talk and see me...

So i just take it day by day and am all in all happy at the min...

So are things still good for you val?

Love
Mxx
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Old 2nd October 2008, 01:14 PM   #380
Bob Pure
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 22
Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hi JM&B

I'm new here & just caught up with your sad tale.

In my experience it is not possible for an addict of any kind to be expected to repent and recommit to a marriage. The drugs are their overriding need. You will always come lower than drugs in the priority list while he is a user.

Same for alcoholics, sex addicts...all that.

Is he getting help for his drug use ?
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Old 2nd October 2008, 05:18 PM   #381
justme&bailey
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hi Bob,

Thanks for your post...his drug problem is his problem from our seperation i have learned that i will not have drugs in my life and if that means i dont have him then so be it...i will of course surport him to get off drugs but he has to want it himself...im just happy being me again it has taken me 8 long months to feel alive again and i know if i took him back now them months would have been wasted so im taking it day by day and we are just enjoying be able to see each other without arguing we talk about getting back together but talking is all it is..

I hope he thinks our marriage is worth more than drugs but we shall see..

Thanks again for taking the time to read my story and leave me a message..

Mia
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Old 2nd October 2008, 09:38 PM   #382
Bob Pure
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 22
Re: Hes left what do i do now

hi Mia. Investing in YOU is a wise move just now. Drugs are a vicious mistress. It takes a whole new level of self control to get off them.

Have you protected yourself financially and legally ? Can he access your money or get in your house ?

if so you need to change that soon as possible. Not romantic, but neither is having everything you need to live on sold for drugs.

There IS hope for your H but only if he gets off drugs. It is not helpful to hope for a reconciliation while he is addicted. It will break your heart further.

All blessings
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Old 3rd October 2008, 04:51 PM   #383
val100
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Posts: 537
Re: Hes left what do i do now

Just read what I wrote earlier,
ik must have been in a bad mood, I apologise
to glasboy for asking if he was dense.

i hope he just misread the post and I wish people would double check before they post.

god i am a cranky pants today.

Thanks mia, I am really good so happy with my decision. we have really rough days but we handle them really well.

Take you time lady jane and do what you need to do.

Your msn address wouldn't work feel free to pm with it.
keep smiling
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Old 5th October 2008, 10:04 AM   #384
lonelylass
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hi Mia,

(Good god I hear you cry)!! Just catching up, will explain on my post if I can locate it!

Are you still seeing the other guy? I can't help but read a sense of longing in your posts, I just hope that if you do get back together (and for my two penneth worth, after two affairs and drugs you would be mad!) you respect yourself and don't put up with anymore crap.

You seem to be moving along quite nicely, see time is a good healer. How is Bailey and your job? Still hate Fridays?

Val - Glad things are moving on for you too after all the turbulance! Stay strong and happy ladies.

LoLa x
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Old 5th October 2008, 05:48 PM   #385
justme&bailey
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Omg the lovely Lola has returned!!

Ive read your post and am so glad to see your so happy its great!..

Lola im doing great and am happy bailey is good and work is cool too...yes husband is around quiet alot and we are getting on well but im taking things very very slowly as im not quiet sure what i want i surpose im expecting him to mess up but to be honest as of yet he hasnt!..

He was over early this morning and im seeing him again later this evening going out for dinner no less!!..

The other guy is around but i think he respects my need for space there is nothing going on between me and my husband its just chatting and dog walking really...he does always bring the subject of getting back together up but as i say i dont commit to anything...

Im going away in a few weeks and looking forward to that..

So glad your back i thought you was gone for good!..

Love
Mia
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Old 18th October 2008, 10:28 PM   #386
justme&bailey
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hi All,

Just thought i'd pop in and say hi... im still going strong and doing well have had a few personal issues over the last few weeks that i had had to deal with (not to do with husband i might add) but have overcome it and am still smiling!..

me and husband are still in contact and just taking it slow although he has now said that he wants to come home and live with me but im not quiet ready for that and we still have some things to sort out...so im going away the week after next for a few days to my friend in scotland so that will give me a little break away from the situation...but all in all things are ok..

So hi to all my friends on here and good luck to all of you new people on here..things do get better thats all i can say but if i can give you any advice please leave me a post and i will reply...im on most days just dont post all the time...

Love
Mxx
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Old 25th October 2008, 05:50 PM   #387
justme&bailey
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hi ,

Just an update im still doing fine my husband has now left the other house and moved back to his parents...so i have decided to commit to trying to save our marriage along with him but i have told him i cant promise anything we have been talking for a couple of months now about trying to do this..

I feel happy and relaxed about this but know there is alot of hard work to do...he was over last night (not staying thou!) and we talked for many hours about all that had gone on he seems to be being very honest with me some things he said hurt me (mostly this is to do with the way his family feel about me) but hey i have broad shoulders! and i never married them!..

I know most people are againist us being together but if we dont stick together this will not help us its what we want with have a whole bundle of issues to deal with but are just taking it one day at a time..

Im seeing him later this evening i have been out today with my mum and will not change the person i have become for him..im me now and im strong..and some of that is thanks to you guys so i thank you for that..xxxx

I will of course still be around and pop in and update and just see if anybody else needs help..

Thank you all again

Love
Mia & Bailey

XX
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Old 25th October 2008, 09:12 PM   #388
val100
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 537
Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hey Mia best of luck it won't be easy.
It is strange there was another poster here who has got back with his wife. I will ask him to update ye as I don't feel it appropriate to say anything.
Anyway we had a huge hiccup last week but we got through it. We will manage this that I am sure off.
Stay calm I also pop in and out keep talking.
Love and best wishes
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Old 6th November 2008, 01:03 PM   #389
xxkeys
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hiya Mia, i just wanted to say im so glad u sound much better. You replied alot to my posts back in march when i was going through a similar thing. This site helped me so much.
Im glad to hear u and your husband are working it out, i think in some peoples situations, working at your marriage is the best way forward, just not in my situation.

Anyway, nice to hear your feeling better and u got through the darkest times.

Keeley x
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Old 30th November 2008, 08:53 PM   #390
justme&bailey
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Re: Hes left what do i do now

Hi Guys,

Well its a while since ive been on so thought id check in and see how everyone is doing..

At my last post me and my husband had decided to try again we are still trying and let me tell you it is VERY trying!...things are ok but very rocky at times and really i dont know what way it will go..many people namey his family and the other women are making things very hard for us which in turn is causing a lot of pressure on our already fragile relatonship...

The other women is constantly calling him even after a number change as his mum gave her the new number!!..i dont know if in time she will just go away it has been 5 weeks since he left there and there has only been one week where she hasnt tryed to contact him and that was because his parents were away and he had his number changed....so its all up in the air i have myself held back and think if he wants to go back to her then so be it...she beleives he only left her to be with me because of money she has tryed telling him shes pregnant!! well the pregnant thing is a lie and a big lie at that...so at the moment there is lots of mind games being played and to be honest i really dont want to be a part of it...

At times i think is this really all worth it he has brought that looney in to my life and do i need it no i dont...i am in general happy although a little stressed at times and feel like giving in but part of me thinks that is what they all want me to do..so is it to early to throw in the towel?? its been 5 weeks or should i hang on in there?? has anybody else had this situation that could advise me? please

Thanks and i hope you are all doing good

Val hows things at your end??

Lola are you still around??

Take care
Mia
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