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Old 30th August 2006, 08:17 PM   #1
Desperate
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Grounds For Divorce

Just a quick question - if a wife has comitted adultery and then moves out of the marital house to live with her new lover, can she still file for divorce on the grounds of "unreasonable behaviour", since she has commited the adultery? I ask because I have read up on some internet Sites that suggest that "unreasonable behaviour" can only be used when adultery has not been comitted by the spouse seeking the divorce. Thanks
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Old 30th August 2006, 09:18 PM   #2
Helen
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

Desperate,

Have a look here: http://www.terry.co.uk/divorce1.html The writer goes into a fair amound of detail about unreasonable behaviour but one thing that comes up is a party can only divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour if no adultery is involved. So it would appear that your wife's petition would not hold water with a court and I would be surprised her solicitor allowed her to petition you on this basis, knowing all the facts.

The author of the article has also provided an email address so that readers can ask for specific advice. I have not read the whole article so you may want to have a read and then, if you have any more questions, drop the author a line and, hopefully, he will be able to help.

Take care,


Helen
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Old 30th August 2006, 09:22 PM   #3
Desperate
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

Thanks for your assistance again Helen, appreciated.
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Old 4th September 2006, 05:53 PM   #4
mystified
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

I think adultery is unreasonable. If your marriage was failing then what did she do to try to talk to you about it....did she give you a chance? Yes there are two sides to a story and it takes two to make a marriage but having an affair is no way to resolve things.
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Old 5th September 2006, 09:41 PM   #5
Desperate
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

She didn't do much at all, that was the biggest problem - communication.

Both of us were guily of not communicating but only one of us was guilty of adultery etc. I believe I communicated far more than she did but obviously not enough.

And no, she didn't give me a chance, even when I asked. My marriage was dead long before I found out - she was way in love with this noble man who betrayed his wife and children. I agree, an affair is no way to address either marital problems or your own personal issues. She should have communicated first or divorced me first. But reality is that she needed security and wasn't going to leave the secure confines of my marriage unless she had set up a secure location elsewhere. Call it an exit affair, bridge affair.....whatever....fact is, it's a cowards way of dealing with the situ and it leaves a wave of destuction and devastation in its' path.
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Old 6th September 2006, 12:03 AM   #6
mystified
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

Marriages go through rocky patches where communication is poor.


My situation is exactly like yours......a bad period then she goes off and has an affair and no attempt to put things right. She's now even trying to lie about the recent good times we had.....as if they just didn't exist.

Unfortunately the law is flawed and it doesn't recognise the deep hurt dealt to you. I'm struggling with the fact that I have an uphill battle to protect my children from the alcoholic she's now seeing.

May I quote one of your lines as it's perfect......

"it's a cowards way of dealing with the situ and it leaves a wave of destuction and devastation in its path."

In my case there are two marriages destroyed by an affair - neither of the people who are having the affair deserve anything and they have hurt two people very badly and left a mess involving young children........of course they want to keep the children out of things and protect them ..... but how????
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Old 6th September 2006, 08:58 AM   #7
Desperate
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

Ditto in my case.

Finding out she was having an affair was one thing. That it was an office affair another. But that it was with a married man who has 3 kids??? So two marriages destroyed, two spouses left broken, a family ripped apart and 3 kids trying to understand what they did that made Daddy leave them and their Mom.
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Old 6th September 2006, 09:33 AM   #8
Kimberley
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

In answer to your original question yes she can file under reasonable behaviour as you havent filed against adultery. Word of warning read the small print on the petition at the end under the sub title the prayer the reason she may have done it this way is to get you to pay her costs. If you had filed against her under adultery she would have been liable to pay your costs as the guilty party pays the costs if the Court deems they can afford to. Also she may not have mentioned the adultery part to her new Solicitor. I used to work in a Matrimonial Department.

Kimberley
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Old 6th September 2006, 10:52 PM   #9
mystified
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

So it's a matter of who gets in first is it?

If she files for unreasonable behaviour then what if he tries for the grounds of her adultery in return? If she has committed adultery then how has he acted unreasonably? That just sounds that she can do what she wants and then try to claim that it was somehow his fault?
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Old 7th September 2006, 08:42 AM   #10
Hope
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

Hi Desperate

I filed for divorce under "adultery" and my ex had to pay my costs. Even with this contribution from him the whole divorce cost an arm and a leg!

If I were you Desperate I'd file under adultery and do it very soon. I was advised by my solicitor not to bother with naming the third party, even though I wanted to! The reason for this was because sometimes a third party can drag their heals and slow the whole process down which seemed pointless really.

Getting divorced for me was one year of emotional hell. We argued over the settlement at times and it was very stressful. My ex was very slow at communicating because he didn't want the hassle, even though he'd created the situation in the first place.... it all dominated my life until the decree absolute finally arrived.

The positive side of things is that it gave closure to the situation and it was at this point that I began to love life again. If I were you I'd take the initiative and get things in motion.

Get a good solicitor - it may not be cheap but its worth it.

Good luck
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Old 7th September 2006, 09:26 AM   #11
Helen
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

Hi Desperate,

It sounds as though your wife has not informed her solicitor about the adultery, as Kimberley says. If I were you, I would get your solicitor to write to her solictor, informing him that your wife committed adultery, therefore you believe that her petition was posted erroneously (or maliciously, or whatever it is called when one party deliberately withholds information pertinet to proceedings) and that you intend to counterfile for her adultery.


Helen
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Old 7th September 2006, 12:52 PM   #12
Indi
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Unhappy Another unreasonable seperation

Hi Guys,
I have been reading the forum from last 5-6 days after my marriage went into trouble. I have been married to my wife for last more than 3 years and have a son of 2 years. I am 31 and my wife is 24 years old. About 2 years and 8 months ago me and my wife had some differences due to her sister. I never got along with her and was not even there when she got married. I had asked my wife to severe any ties with her sister as she always filled her ears with venom against me. I told her that since both our family lifes are different, they should not be mixed. Ultimately we came to this resolution and had been living happily since.

Now on the 5th of August i had to go to India as i bought a beach house as our holiday home (have property in many places). We had booked out tickets to fly there for a month in December this year. I came back after a week on the 14th after finishing all the formalities. By then my wife had been filled in by her sister. She asked her to try to get some properties in her name. So on 19th my wife started a discussion and i was quite angry that, she has again started to speak to her sister in my absence. I did not speak to her on the 20th though she did say sorry about it (i was more angry because she was calling her Mom and her brother, speaking rudely about me). On the 21st she came to me and asked "do you want me to leave the house "and in anger i said yes. She packed her bags...but in the mean time i spoke to her brother and her sister (route cause of trouble).
Since she was at a point of leaving, she started to pack for my son too. I told her in no way i would allow her to take my son with her. Anyway in a few minutes things did calm down.
Then i went to her and told her i would never want her to leave but if she can keep off speaking to her sister things would be better. I told her that her sister has done enough damage every time she has come in between us.
I asked her to give me her mobile phone as i was sure her sister would call up again. I left to do some shopping for the house and she decided to sleep. In the mean time her sister called me and asked me if she can have a word with my wife. I told her to keep off, but she challanged me that she would make the life hell for me from now on.
When i came back home after an hour, my wife was gone with the kid. I was informed her sister had called the police to rescue her from me (which i do not understand). Now since i never bothered to find out about her life, i do not know where she stays (i know the area but not the house in London).
In the mean time they have emptied my bank account twice. When i call her sister she refuses to let my wife speak to me. I love my wife to the core and until now we have had a perfect relationship. Now out of the blues i get this message that my wife has decided to leave me forever. My friends and relatives tell me it was not that she left in a day, it was very well planned, but from our relationship i never saw any problem. I was a perfect father and husband and she was a perfect mother and wife. Since last 2 weeks, everyone who spoke to her she says "she does not want to stay with me anymore". She has even started speaking lies that she felt toutured living with me and i have always made her life miserable (which is not true at all). At the moment i am at the receiving end and know for sure she will not come back. I have send so many text messages about love to her sisters phone, asking her to come back and i will do anything for her. She has totally kept her silence but through her mother, cousines and her sister the only messge i get when i call is (do not want to live with him any more). I keep looking back and never see any sign of problem. Either i was stupid or she was smart or i was blindly in love but i always fell we were a perfect couple.
She has decided not to talk of her problem to anyone even her mother. At the moment looke like only her sister knows what her problem is and she thinks it is serious enough that she should finish off with me.

I am so lost, i feel like comminting suicide. I start crying in front of my system in the office or while driving and am a total nervous reck. I drive to London every weeked from Manchester (2 weeks at the moment) just in case i can nsee them in the shopping area where they live. I do not want to go to any lawyers to get access to my son as i think that wil upset my wife more and she will definatley walk away from me. What do you guys think i should do? I am going crazy every minute. The very thought of losing my wife has send me into panic.

Thanks,
Indi
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Old 7th September 2006, 03:18 PM   #13
Helen
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

Indi,

While I understand your pain, I can't say I am surprised your wife decided to leave. Yes, she was your wife but her family is blood. The saying is blood is thicker than water and it is true. To demand that your wife sever all ties with her sister and wider family was unreasonable. A more reasonable request would have been to ask your wife not to discuss you with her family.

It sounds to me as though her sister is jealous. You sound like a man of means (you have several properties) and perhaps her sister used to say horrible things about you because she couldn't have that for herself. Unfortunately, your wife is pretty young (though one hopes not stupid) so it is possible she is easily influenced and didn't see what her sister was doing for what it was. I get the impression her departure was not your wife's idea. It was the family's.

If you speak to her sister again, ask her - if she is so sure your wife is doing the right thing, why won't she let you talk to her? Why won't she tell you where your wife and child are? I suspect she is doing it because she knows if you speak to your wife, chances are she will return to you. Something her sister would not like not because you are abusive but because she does not want your wife to have a better life than she does.

I don't know where you live but I will say your wife has no right to keep your child from you. None. So my advice to you, before speaking to the sister again, is to see a solicitor or lawyer and get advice re your rights. You do have rights and your wife's sister needs to understand that you will have them inforced. It isn't a step you want to take but with the family being so deliberately obstructive, they leave you little choice.

I think you need to think about your marriage. Was it really as perfect as you are saying it was? Because if it was, why would your wife leave? If I had a perfect husband, nothing my sister said to me could make me leave him. So I can't help wondering if there is more to this saga than you have indicated?


Helen
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Old 17th May 2010, 04:41 PM   #14
murrayskeeter
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

I say before going through the divorce process, you should consider going through counseling to create an open line of communication among partners.

Last edited by Dave; 20th May 2010 at 09:12 AM.
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Old 18th May 2010, 10:43 AM   #15
luce
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Re: Grounds For Divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by Desperate View Post
My marriage was dead long before I found out
This is so painful. When i reflect on everything it is probably this that hurts me most. Hugs Luce.
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