Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

[notDoneYet]

LDT. This is the hardest part. Yes, I spoke to him.

He volunteered the information about the OM. Which is good as I feel that he can talk to me. And he's excited about being a big brother. And that's good.

And while we were talking I said that although there are bigger changes to come, I had always hoped his mum and I would resolve our differences and we would be a family again. But his mum has made a choice and we need to respect that. But with all the changes, living with the OM, the baby etc it doesn't change how his mum and I feel about him. And that we will always be there for him.

And he cried. For the first time not out of fear but real pain. And I'm still reeling from that.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

LDT. This is the hardest part. Yes, I spoke to him.

He volunteered the information about the OM. Which is good as I feel that he can talk to me. And he's excited about being a big brother. And that's good.

And while we were talking I said that although there are bigger changes to come, I had always hoped his mum and I would resolve our differences and we would be a family again. But his mum has made a choice and we need to respect that. But with all the changes, living with the OM, the baby etc it doesn't change how his mum and I feel about him. And that we will always be there for him.

And he cried. For the first time not out of fear but real pain. And I'm still reeling from that.

That's really sad, NDY. But Im glad you're there for him. It's good he's happy about the baby. He has a lot of changes coming up in his life. With you he will know stability and familiarity.

[notDoneYet]

Yea. It's sad. But I now know what I need to do. I need to get away from this. I'm not running, I need to rebuild my life. I've said the before but now it's urgent.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

Yea. It's sad. But I now know what I need to do. I need to get away from this. I'm not running, I need to rebuild my life. I've said the before but now it's urgent.

Are you going to let her buy the house, or will you put it on the market?

I know what you mean about rebuilding. As soon as my sitch is over I'm moving to another state.

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by Lindentree1

Are you going to let her buy the house, or will you put it on the market?

I know what you mean about rebuilding. As soon as my sitch is over I'm moving to another state.

Hi LDT that's a fabulous idea, a lovely nice fresh start in a new place just what we all need, it will be so exciting and I imagine slightly daunting for you, but it will hopefully give you a whole new perspective in life, what a fabulous thing to have to look forward to .

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by Lindentree1

Are you going to let her buy the house, or will you put it on the market?

I know what you mean about rebuilding. As soon as my sitch is over I'm moving to another state.

I can't let him live in my house. Just can't and I'm sure he won't want to live here either. So it has to go on the market.

I'd love to move somewhere else. A fresh start but I can't. I have to live here. I can't leave my son.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

I can't let him live in my house. Just can't and I'm sure he won't want to live here either. So it has to go on the market.

I'd love to move somewhere else. A fresh start but I can't. I have to live here. I can't leave my son.

Oh, I know you wouldn't leave your son. I was just wondering what you meant by rebuilding and needing to get away.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Hi LDT that's a fabulous idea, a lovely nice fresh start in a new place just what we all need, it will be so exciting and I imagine slightly daunting for you, but it will hopefully give you a whole new perspective in life, what a fabulous thing to have to look forward to .

Unfortunately I have to get divorced before I get to that point, and I'm not looking forward to that at all. But I have no choice. It will be nice after that to get away, though.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

I can't let him live in my house. Just can't and I'm sure he won't want to live here either. So it has to go on the market.

I'd love to move somewhere else. A fresh start but I can't. I have to live here. I can't leave my son.

You could move a short distance away, and getting a new place will be like a fresh start. Mind you, do you yet know where they will live.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by Lindentree1

Unfortunately I have to get divorced before I get to that point, and I'm not looking forward to that at all. But I have no choice. It will be nice after that to get away, though.

I thought you had recently moved Lt?

I was attracted to the idea of moving to the coast after my marriage ended, but my youngest was only 14 and still had 4 years of school left. Also the older 2 were only 18 and 21 and I didnt want to take them all away from their friends after what they had already been through. They do advise to wait at least a year after a traumatic event before you make any life changing decisions.
Anyways its now 16 years later, and I am STILL in the same area and STILL want to move and hope we will be before too long.

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by chosen

You could move a short distance away, and getting a new place will be like a fresh start. Mind you, do you yet know where they will live.

Hi Chosen

That's the plan. I don't know where they will live but I do know it will be close to where I live now. So you can see how that's a problem for me.

[ralfgarnett]

"They do advise to wait at least a year after a traumatic event before you make any life changing decisions"

This is very true, and is something that LDT, NDY and even myself possibly need to heed, just sometimes certain circumstances beyond ones control force ones hand somewhat, I think its all part of the horrible upheaval and heartbreak caused by the marital mayhem of an unexpected separation.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by chosen

I thought you had recently moved Lt?

I was attracted to the idea of moving to the coast after my marriage ended, but my youngest was only 14 and still had 4 years of school left. Also the older 2 were only 18 and 21 and I didnt want to take them all away from their friends after what they had already been through. They do advise to wait at least a year after a traumatic event before you make any life changing decisions.
Anyways its now 16 years later, and I am STILL in the same area and STILL want to move and hope we will be before too long.

Hi Chosen,

Yes, I moved, but I only moved about 2.5 miles away from my last place. Whenever I actually get divorced I plan to move to another state for a fresh start. I feel like I need to do that. I have no family here so moving won't be an issue, really.

I hope you get to move to your desired location soon. Moving always feels like a fresh start.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by Lindentree1

Hi Chosen,

Yes, I moved, but I only moved about 2.5 miles away from my last place. Whenever I actually get divorced I plan to move to another state for a fresh start. I feel like I need to do that. I have no family here so moving won't be an issue, really.

I hope you get to move to your desired location soon. Moving always feels like a fresh start.

Well I will miss my good friends a lot, but being that we are both now in our late 50's, I dont want to leave it too long. I think it will be very hard after having lived here for 32 years, but we have never chosen a house together. I moved into this one out of necessity when I could no longer to afford the other house 2 years before we met.

It will be a challenge, but sometimes we need to do that dont we. We also need more room, due to various children coming to stay, and now with one grandchild and maybe more in the future this house is just far too small.
The areas we are thinking of have house prices about 1/3rd less than here, so we can afford another bedroom. Anyway cant do anything right now as younger daughter and boyfriend are saying with us for a few months! Yes its pretty crowded.

[ralfgarnett]

Hi NDY, not seen you on line for a while now, hope all is as ok as it can be for you right now, anything new to report mate ?.