Help me

David

I would just like to give my thoughts to your problems that you are experiencing.
I know that having spent 11 years trying to change my ex. husband, helping and supporting him through 2 rehab sessions, talking endlessly with him to try to help him.
The only person you can help is yourself.
The only person that can change is you.
Your wife will change only if she wants to, she will only get help if she wants to.

My very best advice to you is to help yourself first and foremost. This is for your own sanity and well being.
I have nearly been driven to despair with a husband that has continually sought companionship elsewhere. When I have tried everything in the book to be there for him, to love him with everything I had, he still has found other women.

If your wife wants this marriage to work then she has to make it. You cannot do it for her.
Get the help for yourself, have some faith that your marriage will either work or not.
If you have issues within yourself then these will be uncovered during counselling and they can be put right, either for the good of your wife or for someone else in the future.

I believe we are all good in our hearts and soul but whether we are good for each other is another matter.
Good luck x

Thank you.

I spent 6 months trying to save something that couldn't be saved. The good thing was that I needed that time to make sure in my own mind that I had done everything that I could have done. I know that I did everything, and looking back I made a few mistakes but the tide was against me.

One morning about 6 weeks ago I woke up and knew that I had crossed the line and given up myself. Nothing is impossible and there might be a way back, but it would be frought with difficulties.

[Raymond]

Well said David. You have surely done everything you can do if anyone has. You can be clear on that. She has made her decision and will have to live with it.

If there is any road back it will not be through carrying on as you are but through letting her be alone and tasting the fruit of her decision. You should leave the door slightly open but don't pander to her now she has decided.

[Chamomile]

Hi

I do hear about couples who wouldn't argue in marriage, to maintain peace and above all, for the sake of their children, wife or h decides to stay. Usually, there are unresolved issues and hurts which are kept silent and never been expressed and years pass by. In the end, once children are grown up, wife or h suddenly wants a divorce as an ultimate cathartic finale. I'm not saying that this is what happened David and his divorce. It's much harder to "fix" marital problems in crisis stages. People (me included) tend to seek counseling when resentment and hurts had built up over the years. And, sometimes, it's too late to fix.