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Old 13th May 2010, 09:05 PM   #1
MrsDurnin2be
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Question 22, Christian, Engaged, Living with H2B

Hi everyone!
I'm new here.
As the title reads, I'm 22, Christian, engaged and live with my Fiance since before we gave our lives to Christ.

I love him dearly and he loves me and together were so excited about Gods plan for our lives together. We got engaged and are getting married Sept 1st 2011. We've been under a lot of pressure from people at our church to live separately until after the wedding. The thing is we cant afford that. We've explained that, so now we've been asked to keep our living arrangements a secret!!!!

I'm loving this adventure God has us in and we're really excited about getting married but I don't like telling lies. Is it right for them to ask us to lie about our living arrangements?
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Old 14th May 2010, 08:27 AM   #2
Raymond
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Re: 22, Christian, Engaged, Living with H2B

It's fantastic that you have both found Jesus Mrs Durnintobe. Jesus comes to us in whatever situation we are in.

It is not lying not to reveal certain information. It is possible to stumble or enable someone who could point to your situation as an excuse to do the same. It is clear from the scripture that God blesses sex within marriage but that sex outside of marriage is fornication. The scripture comes to mind avoid all appearance of evil.

This is not to say that your situation cannot be revealed to certain stronger married couples but I think the pastor is being wise in that you should not plaster this information all over the church and risk stumbling other unmarried brothers and sisters. I don't think that would be honouring Christ's word personally.

Raymond
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Old 14th May 2010, 10:14 PM   #3
MrsDurnin2be
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Re: 22, Christian, Engaged, Living with H2B

Thank you for your words Raymond.

So what we are doing is fornication? And I've read that Fornicators won't see the Kingdom of heaven? So what does this mean? Also, I though Jesus said "come as you are" and we have, and now we're being asked to hide what we are? We've made some great friends at the Church but I feel like Im lieing all the time because I want to invite them over for coffee and stuff and I can because from our home it is very ovbious that we both live there.

I just feel so unaccepted and misunderstood. Doesn't the Bible say God judges a mans heart? And we know that our living arrangement isn't ideal but we cant afford to move out.
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Old 15th May 2010, 08:52 AM   #4
Raymond
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Re: 22, Christian, Engaged, Living with H2B

Yes it does say that fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of heaven not that they cannot get saved. Christ saves us while we are still sinners. However with His nature now within us we do put away the old life by his strength. If we stole we now finish with that etc. etc.

If you are both committed before God to each other and have slept with each other then in a sense you are married. But for the sake of a good witness to the world and avoiding appearance of evil I don't think it is wise to advertise this fact and appear as those who are just living together and are not married. What is stopping you from getting married?

Raymond
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Old 15th May 2010, 09:27 AM   #5
MrsDurnin2be
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Re: 22, Christian, Engaged, Living with H2B

Our wedding is planned for 1st Sept 2011. We haven't the money at the moment to have the wedding. We have everything booked and deposits paid so the wedding is in motion.

So if either of us were to leave this life now we'd go straight to Hell?!
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Old 15th May 2010, 10:57 AM   #6
Raymond
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Re: 22, Christian, Engaged, Living with H2B

Of course you are not going to hell. That's what Jesus saved you and me from. That's why He went to the cross for us. He paid the price already. None can pluck you out of His hand. This should never be about that.

I do understand your predicament. My wife understood it before you mentioned it. I know that people have big expensive weddings these days. However there is nothing to stop you having a legal wedding say in a registry office and still have the big wedding you wanted. That's my wife's thought as she said it happened like that to friends of hers. Something to think about maybe?

I don't have a clear answer to be honest. You know all the facts and I think your pastor does have a point. I think we need God's wisdom here and He will give that to you both if you ask Him and are open to Him.

I think you are on a learning curve here but nothing should take away from the fact that you have trusted your lives to Christ and He has saved you and will go on saving you in every situation that you give to Him.

Raymond
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Old 15th May 2010, 04:57 PM   #7
MrsDurnin2be
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Re: 22, Christian, Engaged, Living with H2B

your wife has a good point Raymond. We may just go ahead and do that. Lthen still have our ceremony and stuff on the day.

Thank you so much for all your advice.
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Old 15th May 2010, 06:02 PM   #8
Raymond
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Re: 22, Christian, Engaged, Living with H2B

I think God will honour you for that MrsDurnin2be.

God bless you.

Raymond
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Old 21st July 2010, 09:26 PM   #9
chosen
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Re: 22, Christian, Engaged, Living with H2B

I have to say that my husband and I shared a house for 3 months before our marriage. We never had sex before we married, (a second marriage for both of us). He was given notice to leave the room he was renting, and I was desperate for money as a single mum, so he rented my spare room, like a tenent. We were already engaged and knew that sex wasnt going to happen till after the wedding day, so I couldnt see that it was a problem. Our children knew (adults by then)and they also knew that we had seperate rooms.
I suppose that it could be a problem because people would assume that we were having sex,but maybe that is their problem. We didnt actually tell anyone else apart from kids and very close friends.
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