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Old 24th September 2010, 03:59 PM   #1
honeybear
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marriage unequal in intelligence

Hi

I do not want to sound conceited or better. About 2.5 years ago and married a nice man, who is self employed. I used to work in the IT field for 27 years. My husband is a very hard worker, has a good heart, not a mean bone in his body. I got married when I was 49 years of age (was married before)

However, I need biblical advice on what to do. I would consider myself much higher in intelligence than the average person. I have always known that.
I married my husband because he has a good quality heart. However, there is not much upstairs in the thinking department. I knew that I was going to be more intelligent, but I did not figure out how much more. I do not want to go through the list of things that he does or does not do, but he just doesn't think, or observe around him. It is really quite bad. From not being able to work the cell phone, computers, hooking up DVD players, to figuring out how to turn on the hot water heater, to his selling the cows in his barn and me figuring out that he had the milking cooling and compression still going on a month after we sold our cows because he didn't think of turning the equipment off......day in and day out, day in and day out. I have been sick for 3 weeks with a depleted state of health at this point with the wearing away at me of his non thinking-ness. My temper has gone out of control at this point. He is a good man, but I can't fix his dim-wittedness. What does the bible say about this situation? Can someone please me advice?
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Old 28th September 2010, 12:59 PM   #2
Raymond
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Re: marriage unequal in intelligence

Hi Honeybear. Sorry to catch your post late. Just got back from our marriage anniversary.

I think it is a case of your inner sight. You are seeing the shortcomings in him and are dwelling on them. You have been used to an intellectual environment perhaps and are adjusting to a different world.

I think you ought to dwell on his good points more and see the glass half full and not half empty. You are his wife and maybe one of your contributions is using your gifts of a sharp mind in the marriage. He obviously needs it at times. Judging our spouse does not help the marriage. Acceptance of them for who they are goes a long way to a happy marriage. Love covers a multitude of sins as the scripture says.

I think you have a lot of work to do in adjusting. Our brains are not the be all and end of things. Maybe you lean more towards the mind. Other can be all feelings or all strong will or even make a God of the physical. These are all parts of our soul and body but should all be subject to the spirit to be balanced. This is true wisdom.

Raymond
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Old 1st October 2010, 09:45 PM   #3
chosen
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Re: marriage unequal in intelligence

I agree with Raymond
In marriage I do feel that we need to accept the person as they are, and Thank God for their good qualities. Also in marriage we can compliment each other, and have different strengths and weaknesses. He may not be able to do things that you do, but he can do others, and as you say has a good heart. I am sure that many women would be glad to have a husband with a good heart.

My husband is very intelligent in his field, has a Phd, is a qualified chemical engineer, a chartered accountant, writes research papers which get published and does detailed stastitical analysis in health care, but he frequently forgets every day things such as how old he is(lol) can never remember when anyones birthday is (including his own)can never remember how old his sons are, forgets to comb his hair,is often in a world of his own, and the list goes on, BUT he is a good, lovely, kind and godly man and I usually just smile about it and, accept him as he is. I am not so intelligent in those areas (and usually dont understand what he is talking about)but I have the day to day common sense and organisation that are needed to run a house and a family, so we are all different.

I am not sure what you mean about what the Bible says about this. About what? One person not being as intelligent as another? I think that God would say that all of his children are equal in His eyes and loved and important, and that we all have our strengths and weaknesses and He accepts us as we are.

Like you, I am in a second marriage, I am 53 and have been married for 5 years now.
Unless you want to carry on being unhappy, angry and resentful(which will make you ill, yes), may I suggest that you ask God for forgiveness and also ask Him to help you to love your husband as he is,and to accept him as God does.Whenever you get an angry or resentful thought, thank God for the goodness in your husband, and think of the reasons that you married him again.Dont dwell on the negatives, but the positives.

My husbands first wife spent 23 years trying to change him and to make him into her 'perfect' man. She then met what she thought was her 'perfect' man and had an affair and divorced her then husband. Well, this three times divorced non Christian man, wasnt of course perfect and they broke up.The grass is always greener and instead of her being grateful for the 95% she did have she complained about the 5% that she thought she didnt. In doing so she rejected a great man,and a very caring husband and dad.(but I win cos I got him!)

Dont allow this anger and resentment to eat you up any longer.
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Old 6th October 2010, 07:52 PM   #4
honeybear
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Re: marriage unequal in intelligence

Thank you very very much for your input. I took a deep look into myself and you are on the money, both of you. I am the type of person that can usually overcome most problems. I believe the comment about turning this inside was 100% accurate, and I will adjust myself. I had a talk with my husband also and received his input on me.

thanks
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Old 6th October 2010, 10:34 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: marriage unequal in intelligence

honeybear
Brilliant!!!
Its so good that you have a teachable spirit, and that you are prepared to listen to advice, and look into yourself, and also are open to changing things. (Many people arent open to doing this and will always blame the other person.) Its really good and helpful for you and your marriage that you are like this. Good also that you spoke to your husband and got his take on it.


God Bless you and your marriage.
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Old 7th October 2010, 12:48 PM   #6
Raymond
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Re: marriage unequal in intelligence

Well done Honeybear. You are on the right track. Your encouragement and praise will cause him to grow much better than any nagging or criticism will do. I suspect he has more in him than meets the eye as we all do. Encouragement and respect from a wife really goes an awful long way in shaping a husband.

Last edited by Raymond; 7th October 2010 at 12:57 PM.
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Old 1st April 2011, 05:54 PM   #7
Chamomile
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Re: marriage unequal in intelligence

This is a very interesting thread whilst obviously it is an old one which does not need any further attention.

I'm curious as to how things had progressed since this lady had posted her OP.

Apparently there are different kinds of intelligence, not just one type you can measure by IQ testing. It must be harder if someone was previously married to a very efficient spouse who can fix things and you know when the same quality may not be present in a new man. I sincerely hope this lady worked things out in the end.
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