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Old 12th August 2008, 08:52 AM   #31
Raymond
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

The trouble is Gembe that he knows you will be walking in a different direction to him if you marry him. He might have loved you in the romantic way but even that is subject to his faith. He will really need someone who can share his faith from the heart in order for him to flourish. It is sad in a way but I believe he has made the right decision which will serve him best in the long run.

I think it was wrong of him to get involved with you in the first place if he knew that is what he believed. Probably what happened though is that the conviction came later while he was with you.

Raymond
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Old 20th December 2008, 03:33 PM   #32
allierobs
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Ive been dating my boyfirend for a while now and we both have been athiests. More recently he found god and now is following the bible. I feel like already we are drifiting apart and have no idea what to do. He tells me he loves me so much and we can work on this, and I know I'm the one who is having a hard time adjusting to this. I just have no idea how to. I need to know that if we start a family together that we will come before god no matter what. If he cant promise me that I can't be with him anymore. Am I being selfish? I don't think Im asking too much, I just dont undertsand how he can all the sudden belive in god and read the bible.

Allie
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Old 21st December 2008, 01:18 AM   #33
Ageing Grace
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Allie, I think you need answers from some of the Christian members here. I'm not - but I will try to put your mind at rest a little bit.

Depending on what school of faith your boyfriend's following (there are hundreds of different ways to interpret what the Bible says), you might not notice any difference at all except for going to church more often and some prayers.

I hope this is the case for you, as it's easy to live with and there is really very little to dislike about a partner with a strong commitment to honesty, love and responsibility!

Some branches of religion set very strict rules about how to behave, what to wear, how much fun is allowed and so on. If your boyfriend has chosen a 'prescriptive' type of faith there could be more of a problem because he may want to change you and your life together. In this case, I think you'd need to go talk to his teachers/preachers - preferably with a close friend or family member of yours for support - to find out more about it, so as to know more about your boyfriend's new expectations & decide whether you're willing to live in his world.

Concerning your question about family: There is no religion, anywhere, that puts anything before god. Not even family. Love between people is seen as a reflection of the love between god & mankind, so it can never be bigger or more important than the original - if you see what I mean? On the up side, this does mean that love between people is highly respected and valued.

If he sticks with his faith, he will certainly want his children to be baptised into the same church, and reared according to its beliefs.

Does your boyfriend have a troubled background? Finding god can often provide an excellent way to resolve bad issues within a person - so it might be worth exploring this angle a bit further before you make any big decisions. I hope Raymond will chip in here, as he's well informed on how Christianity helps people sort out their problems.

You chose the right forum here; good luck.
AG

Last edited by Ageing Grace; 21st December 2008 at 01:48 AM. Reason: typos
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Old 21st December 2008, 03:13 AM   #34
Ageing Grace
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Aargh I replied to Allie's post without realising this was an old - powerfully argued - and very long thread!

Were I in Allie's situation, the preceding pages would scare the living daylights out of me! I stick by what I said to her - Christianity (and islam, and judaism, and the rest) come in many flavours. In every case the intention is benign but problems arise when one's reading of scriptures leads one to believe one is MORE RIGHT than everyone else.

Christ's big message, I believe, was one of understanding, tolerance and compassion. All of the great prophets preached pretty much the same.

It's a lesson that needs to be re-taught for each generation, but it's hardly rocket science. All of their teachings are easily subverted to fill passing needs. How come? Because the scriptures we have are verbal histories, passed along by 'chinese whispers' and written down, hundreds of years later, by assorted historians of their time - in languages that are now defunct.

Unless you are an expert in Aramaic, you do not know exactly what the Bible or the Torah says. Even the academics who wrote those first scrolls worked separately, from 300-year-old folklore. This is why there are so many various interpretations. The men who wrote it down for us tried to pass it ALL on, trusting that we would possess the wisdom to filter out the great truths to live by. Many today, as it turns out, do. Many don't.

You think there's One Truth in the bible? Consider this. It's fairly fundamental. God created woman (Eve) out of man (Adam's rib), right?

* Right, according to Genesis 2 - King James translation, general version:
"And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. 18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 21 And he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her to the man."

* Wrong, according to Genesis 1 - same translation:
" 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28 And God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it ... "

According to your reading of Genesis 1, God either created a unisex human or created male & female at the same time. Also they were not created out of dirt. G1 was written before G2, that's why James's translators put them in that order.

It doesn't mean one version is better than another ...
I'm simply trying to point out that scriptures (this applies to them all) as doctrine don't work - unless they have been edited & subverted by preachers looking to use them for their own means.

Each one of the great Middle-Eastern prophets: Moses, Jesus, Mohammed and the others - taught compassion, sharing & learning.

Each one of them rose to influence as their people were being forced to comply with the edicts of some other culture; they stood up and said "Hang on a minute! This isn't how human beings treat other! We know; we sense; we are better than that." In each case, god was with them - or, the better side of human nature if you will.

If there is One Truth in the Bible, it's the truth that is also in the Torah and in the Koran: Love is the key. Compassion is strength, and tolerance is power.

I am not made of dirt (unless you want to get into quantum physics, in which case everything is made of everything!). I wasn't born sinful: I was born fresh & new, like every newborn everywhere. So were you

Mixed grrrs & aaahs
AG

Last edited by Ageing Grace; 21st December 2008 at 03:48 AM. Reason: odd spacing
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Old 12th June 2010, 08:08 PM   #35
aerialpunk
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Well, opinions about whether or not the Bible is right are not entirely relevant in my mind, not for this topic anyway...

I'm in a similar situation too. I'm a Christian, and my boyfriend of more than 2 years is an atheist. We've been talking about marriage, and of course this is something that comes up... I can tell you some of my experiences & things that have helped us work through it.

K, so first off, I think it's a good point to talk about exactly what each of you believe and why. It's true that for all of us, we're not simply Christian or atheist. There's more to it than that. For me, my faith background, if you will, is not actually very religious per se. I'm a very devout Christian from a moral, faith, and ideological perspective. But I'm not one to think that if you don't go to church every Sunday, or if you wear jewelry or dance, you're going to hell. My boyfriend is an atheist, but not a devout, militant-type atheist- he simply hasn't found anything to convince him.

For me, this is a huge, huge difference. I have friends who are militant atheists, and honestly, I think there'd be serious problems in marrying someone like that- someone who actually hates God, and thinks Christians are stupid, & who won't listen to a word you say about it, rather than simply someone who's unconvinced that God's there. Talking about this kind of thing really sheds light on how workable the relationship is. After we talked extensively about it, we came to the conclusion that we love each other as people, regardless of beliefs. Even if he disagrees with me on these things, I can talk openly about what I think with him without fearing judgment, and I can do the same for him.

Also, I think it's important to keep a long-term perspective. It really made me sad to read people's stories about being ditched by people who thought religious differences would wreck things. I had a hard time with my family, since a lot of them buy into that idea- that a relationship like ours is doomed. But you know, my sister's and her boyfriend are both Christian, and even that didn't stop them from having big fights about religion And luckily, I even have my pastor to look to for example- he and his wife were into each other since they were kids, and when they hooked up, she was a strict Catholic and he was an atheist, now they're both Adventists :P

Really, you can't guarantee anything, whether you share your faith or not. Who knows, maybe you'll be a Christian & an atheist now, and 15 years down the road you'll be a Buddhist and a Wiccan. Maybe you'll both end up Christian, maybe you'll be happy, maybe you'll get divorced. You just don't know what will happen, and so you should focus more on what kind of a person they are, and also on their moral values (my boyfriend and I have virtually identical moral values, and it makes up a lot for our different religious beliefs).

Kids might be tricky, but we won't be getting married for probably at least another year and a half (we're doing it long distance, so we have to finish school and whatnot first), but we figured we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Plus, having similar morals helps a lot, since even if they get two different stories on things like origins, at least they'll get one unified moral teaching.

Most importantly, remember to ask God about it- really you should do that, even if you both were Christians :P He knows what's going on. But remember, you have to be totally open to what he says about the matter, whether you like what he says or not... lol in the past I had an issue with that.... God's all like, "Nope", and I'm all like, "What's that? Did you say.. yes? Awesome." only to run into problems later :P But yeah, if you honestly seek God's advice on the matter, you can't go wrong
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Old 5th July 2010, 10:24 AM   #36
roxtica
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Hi Everyone,

I read all your posts to get some feedback on a similar situation I just had. I recently ended a dating relationship with someone because he is an atheist.
He was a complete gentleman, and treated me better than other guys I have dated.


My issue is this, dating an atheist may be a burden for that person, and with my walk with God. When we (Christians) decide to give our lives to God, it is no longer a belief but a lifestyle. While I respect that atheist have their own opinion about this, getting in a relationship may get in the way with the goals I have planned. For example, missionary work- traveling to other countries with my church.


Yes, it's true that Christian relationships have just as much a chance of ending like any other. The only thing that would be missing, is being able to see the relationship beyond being mortal. Being in love is nice, but moreover, doing my job as a Christian is more important; and it is a lot of work to do. It is a 24/7 job, by choice, but it involves a lot of prayer, worship music, going to church, listening to spiritual lectures from pastors... etc.. This is a lifestyle I dedicate myself to, and I love it.


Not to mention, I can't even imagine how painful it is to not be able pray with the person I love . Or, sharing spiritual experiences; like saying, “do you want to know how the Holy Spirit has blessed me today?” Also, there is a peace in knowing that if one of us dies we KNOW that we will see eachother again.


I hope this helps clarify the delimna a Christian is faced with when falling for an atheist.


I'll tell you what, I don't completely know if what I did was the right or wrong thing. I am praying about it, and if it is God's will we will end up together. If it is not God's will, I will pray that this guy finds someone he is happy with
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Old 6th July 2010, 05:08 PM   #37
chosen
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

God, who is very wise, tells us clearly not be be with a person who isnt a believer.I have three close friends who are married to non believers and they each find it very hard and long to have a believing husband. They all became Christians after marriage.
I married a non believer the first time and knew that I never would again. My second husband is a very strong Christian and the thought of not being able to share my faith would be awful. God comes first and I can choose whether to obey Him or not. If I dont then there are consequenses.
Dont do it is Gods instruction.
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Old 21st July 2010, 11:57 AM   #38
chosen
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

sweetz
I said that God tells us not to marry a non believer. Pretty clear there.
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Old 21st July 2010, 09:04 PM   #39
chosen
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetz View Post
Yes, you sure did! I am grateful for those who did...but perplexed about why so many atheist would bother taking the time to go to a Christian forum...and the answers they gave were so undermining to her need for truth that it was scary.

Thankyou Chosen
Yes you are right and after all, if God tells us not to do something, it is for our own good. If we are believers and go against that then we cant be surprised if things go wrong. After all, who are we to think that we know better than God?
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Old 10th November 2010, 08:52 AM   #40
Art
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
After all, who are we to think that we know better than God?
Real.

Seriously though, As an atheist, or maybe more correctly, agnostic,
I find it surprisingly intolerant of a Christian to reject a partner who they
could otherwise potentially share so much happiness with,
based purely on a verse in the Bible.

I mean how literal do you want to take it in this day & age?
There are lists of contradictions in the Bible freely available on the internet.

What does this say to an Atheist who is respectful of the Christian faith
to have the parter he/her loves reject them based on their beliefs of lack thereof?
It is not within everyone's power to alter what they believe at will,
but tolerance, understanding, and compromise is within everyone's power.
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Old 10th November 2010, 10:14 AM   #41
chosen
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Art View Post
Real.

Seriously though, As an atheist, or maybe more correctly, agnostic,
I find it surprisingly intolerant of a Christian to reject a partner who they
could otherwise potentially share so much happiness with,
based purely on a verse in the Bible.

I mean how literal do you want to take it in this day & age?
There are lists of contradictions in the Bible freely available on the internet.

What does this say to an Atheist who is respectful of the Christian faith
to have the parter he/her loves reject them based on their beliefs of lack thereof?
It is not within everyone's power to alter what they believe at will,
but tolerance, understanding, and compromise is within everyone's power.
Hi Art
With respect, it isnt based on one verse but on the whole Bible. I respect and care about all people, but I would never marry a man who wasnt a believer because my faith is vital. My life and trust are in God, and marriage is so important that my spouse needs to share that as well. We pray togather, we encourage each other in our faith,we go to church together, we share the same moral values and we are walking the same path together. I have 3 very close friends who are married to non believers, and the closer they get to God the more of a struggle it is. They cannot share the most important thing in their lives, and they face opposition and indifference from their husbands.
God is very wise when he tell us not to marry non believers. Every Christian that I know who is married to a non believer regrets it, and longs to have a believing spouse. The Christian faith isnt like a hobby, it permeates every part of life. It is a whole way of life and of living.

The Bible is just as relevant today as it always was. Nothing has changed and God never changes. If he has always said that marrying a non believer is a bad idea then it still is.Why has that changed?

Last edited by chosen; 10th November 2010 at 10:45 AM.
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Old 10th November 2010, 12:53 PM   #42
Raymond
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

I agree with that.

It is not intolerance to choose to marry a christian if you are a christian. How can two agree unless they walk together? The mistake here is weaker christians getting involved romantically with non christians and then realising later that it would not be wise to tie the knot.

I watched this on a programme "Dating in the Dark" or something. Only watched it once and don't normally. There was a christian that went through all the romantic moves and at the end walked away because of his faith. Why did he get involved in the first place and hurt the woman?

No one has set up rules that christians should not marry unbelievers but I would counsel personally and from scripture that it is unwise to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. One's faith needs to flourish and a believing spouse is a great help in this. It's a matter of putting God first really.
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Old 10th November 2010, 02:11 PM   #43
chosen
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

I agree that it isnt fair to get involved with a non believer, if you know that you wont marry them. I do know people, like that guy on dating in the dark, who have got involved with a non believer and then had to choose them or God. A few have been fortunate in that their partner did become a believer, a few married them anyway,and a few made the decision to split up.Surely the best thing is not to go out with anyone who isnt a believer, and just stay friends with them.
What do you think of that dating in the dark? I only saw it once and it made me feel really uncomfortable.

I always think that God made us, so He knows what is best for us. I guess if you dont believe in any sort of God Art, then that doesnt appply.
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Old 10th November 2010, 07:45 PM   #44
Raymond
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

I think you are right in not dating an unbeliever. If you look after the little things the big things will take care of themselves.

What do I think about dating in the dark? It was interesting that couples could not see each other so that they did not see the outward appearance and made judgements without that. Apart from that it was a bit frivolous and no way to prepare for marriage in my view. It was made for a television audience. I won't watch it again. My wife was uncomfortable like you. I suppose I should have been but kind of got interested in the outcome.
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Old 11th November 2010, 11:53 AM   #45
chosen
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Re: Do christian/atheist marriages work?

yes that can happen cant it Raymond, we want to know what happens!! From a few other snippets that I have seen when my son watched it a few times, the people got very touchy feely in the dark room and that made me very uncomfortable. I do wonder how hurtful it must be also that someone really likes you in the dark, and then rejects you because you are not beautiful or good looking enough, but then I suppose they know that may happen when they go onto it. I suppose you would need to be a pretty confident person to go onto it in the first place.
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