Jealousy and Wife's male friends

[jabooey]

Hello all, I need your help and views on my situation. I have had trouble in the past dealing and coping with my wifes male friends. We've been married 11 years and I love her dearly. I am a jealous person due to poor past relationships. Within the past 2 years she has made several male friends either through work or at our school (kid's). She talks on the phone with them all occasionally.

I've got no problem with that except with one male especially. It seems as though my wife has struck a friendship with one young male who happens to be a patient of hers (she's a nurse) and they hit it off from day one. They used to talk ALOT until I expressed my feelings and asked that he not call/text her (I did this politely). He has obliged I think but my wife still initiates calls and texts occasionally. I don't know the dynamics of this "friendship" but know they have a strong bond. They've exchanged gifts and always carry on like "good buds". My wife has hinted this strong maternal/spiritual connection to him but doesn't go any further. She now says it's just evolved into a good friendship. BTW, she has in the past, stated she and I don't connect and we've drifted apart. Conincidently this friendship happens to IMHO be the catalyst for her saying this. It seems my feelings about the situation "drove her to say this".

I've tried like crazy to hide my insecurities and jealousy and be the best hubby i can be. She still calls him on occasion despite knowing my feelings on the situation. She never tells me anything about him anymore.

I'm sad to think her bond with her friend goes deeper than her consideration and dedication to "us". He is married too. I can't think of this relationship between the two and experience feelings of neglect and inconsiderate behaviour on my SO's part. Is this all my problem in my head? If freaks me out how another man could have such a profound affect on my wifes feelings and emotions. Shouldn't spouses and family be top priority?

Hello Jabooey,

I've been where you are now. I hate to say this, because you won't want to hear it. You've asked them to stop and she carries on. I'd class this as an emotional affair, and left alone it may easily progress to a full affair. It's a bad sign that she doesn't talk about him to you anymore.

You might still have time to act: she needs to cut off all contact with him, and then you need to work on your relationship with your wife - maybe involve a counsellor. You should be top priority for your wife, and she for you. How would she react if you were swapping gifts, texts and phone calls etc with a younger woman even after she'd asked you to stop?

best of luck with this situation,

LD

[jabooey]

Thank you for your feedback longest day : ) The antics never cease to amaze me - her friend has gotten a new cell phone and calls up. Brilliance on her part adds this contact as one of her co-workers. Talk about deceit.

[tiff1976]

I'm in a similar sort of situation.
It makes me very uncomfortable, due to being hurt in the past.
My wife has many male friends, which I don't have a problem with, I only have a problem with her hiding things from me, texting or speaking to them when I wasn't around, late at night, shutting the door on me when I come in from work and she is talking to them...

It's a horrible feeling of mistrust...